Midnite Media

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.12: This Wraps It Up (1993)

2012-01-27T12:38:00.003-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 12

This Wraps It Up

The Cryptkeeper, in full-on archaeologist mode, introduces today's tale called This Wraps It Up.

A school teacher somehow gets permission to take her students on a field trip to Egypt to see the great pyramid, but their bus breaks down in front of an archeological expedition. Even more unlikely, the students are allowed to accompany the scientists as they explore a tomb that has just been uncovered.

They literally stumble upon the burial chamber of Ikama Kama, awakening a mystical connection between that Egyptian princess and one of the female students.

Part Indiana Jones, part Mummy, and mostly uninteresting. It's all atmosphere and theory for the majority of the episode, a genuine "monster" not appearing until the finale.

All in all, pretty disappointing.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.11: Gorilla's Paw (1993)

2012-01-26T12:29:00.002-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 11

Gorilla's Paw

The Cryptkeeper is on safari, in search of the mystical Gorilla's Paw which, much like the more famous Monkey's Paw, grants wishes. To help pass the time, he regales us with today's tale.

Poor picked-on and put-upon Louis wants nothing more than to be a member of the cool kids club--they have a themesong and everything! In order to impress them, he steals an antique gorilla's paw from a curio shop, which is said to grant wishes.

All his wishes DO come true, including his entry to the club, but he of course learns that there are consequences for every action.

It's a mediocre episode with a lengthy, ridiculous scene involving a horror-themed American Gladiator-type game show. I suppose it's supposed to teach us a thing or two about friendship, but all I learned was not to piss off a gorilla. And I kinda knew that already.

--J/Metro

Eerie #17, August 1954 (Avon Comics)

2012-01-25T10:25:00.000-06:00

Eerie #17

August/September 1954

Avon Comics

The Case Of The Painted Beast: a police officer recounts a strange case about an artist whose monstrous painting comes to life and seeks revenge against those who deemed it unworthy of public display. Nothing new, and pretty predictable, but I'm a sucker for any story that switches out mad science with mad art. I guess it's the beatnik in me.

Was He Dead?: In a tale worthy of (and not just derivative of) Tales From The Crypt, a professional singer murders the husband of his showgirl lover so that the two of them can be together; but once the deed is done, he sees the dead man everywhere. This story must have been considered pretty racy at the time, with violent bludgeonings, plenty of blood, and girls in their unmentionables. Daddy like.

The Monster Of The Storm: this variation on The Hitchhiker urban legend involves a man who suddenly snaps one day and goes on a killing spree. The cops give chase, but the murderer is struck dead by a freak bolt of lightning. Thereafter, he returns as a green-skinned wraith every time it storms to continue his killing spree. Predictable, but unusual in the fact that evil prevails in the end.

Kill A Witch (text story): a boxcar hobo lives in fear of non-poisonous king snakes because he once saw one (actually a reincarnated witch) swallow a man whole. Better than you would think.

The Mirror of Isis: a cursed mirror, an ancient bloodline, and a big fat coincidence team up to form this mediocre story about possession and murder. The resolution is so obvious that you won't believe the protagonists didn't think of it earlier.

Eerie #17 can be accessed free and legally at the Digital Comic Museum by clicking HERE.

--J/Metro

Art Appreciation: Daughters of Satan (1972)

2012-01-24T12:29:00.000-06:00

For my review of the film itself click HERE!

--J/Metro

Midnight Son (2011)

2012-01-23T11:53:00.000-06:00

Midnight Son

Written & Directed by Scott Leberecht

Jacob...Zak Kilberg
Mary...Maya Parish

Jacob is a security guard working the overnight shift. It's not a choice but a necessity, as he suffers from a disorder that causes him to be allergic to sunlight. Weak and pale for most of his life, the doctor diagnoses him as anemic, as well. But somehow I think there's more to it than that.

After eating a steak proves to be less-than-satisfying, he finds himself drinking the blood from its packaging, awakening a hunger he didn't know he had. In short order, he's looking healthier and happier, strolling through the streets with a Starbucks cup filled with bovine blood.

But soon, animal blood is not enough.

The movie revolves around Jacob trying to balance his professional life, his romantic life (with a hot coke-addled goth girl he meets at a club), and his new "night life", all while trying to maintain some level of morality.

It's deliberately paced and character-driven, with only occasional bouts of action, but never did I find it dull or uninteresting. It successfully gives us entrance into the inner workings of a reluctant vampire's mind, pulling it off with honesty, intelligence, and even beauty.

Subtle strokes of genius--like the fact that Jacob paints pictures of the sunrise and the sunset, which he has never seen--are abundant and give Midnight Son an authenticity that is missing from much horror today. It's hard for me not to recommend this to genre fans, even those suffering from vampire burnout.

Would make a great double feature with Lucky McKee's May.

2011
Unrated
100 Minutes
Color
English
United States

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.10: Fare Tonight (1993)

2012-01-22T12:22:00.002-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 10

Fare Tonight

The Cryptkeeper, dressed like Sherlock Holmes, tells us that today's tale, "Fare Tonight", is a whodunit and invites us to try to solve the mystery ourselves as it unfolds on our screen.

Vampire fanatics (and possible lesbians) Mildred and Camille embark on an investigation into the reports of a winged man who is "heavily toothed" lurking about town. Using a vampire guidebook as their bible, they head out with an armful of garlic and a sack full of stakes to turn the supposed bloodsucker into ash.

It's a fun little episode with a nice twist, kind of a Buffy for Kids, or a Fright Night Lite. There are a lot of pop culture references here, ranging from Bram Stoker, The Fearless Vampire Hunters, Blood and Donuts, E.T., The Shining, Wizard of Oz, and even...Buster Keaton!?

The episode starts off with the characters watching a vintage vampire flick, and the visuals are so dead-on that I wish they would have done an entire story in such a manner.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.09: Hyde And Go Shriek (1993)

2012-01-21T12:14:00.001-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 09

Hyde and Go Shriek

We interrupt the Cryptkeeper's workout--he's running on the dreadmill, of course--so he pauses long enough to whip up a healthy shake and a frightful story called Hyde And Go Shriek (which is twice the puns for the price of one).

Nice guy Wendall has been bullied by Rex and his hooligan pals for years, but when he finally has enough, he vows revenge against his tormentors. He tries to bulk up, but when it becomes obvious that it's going to take too long the old fashioned route, he looks for a shortcut in a box labeled Zen Master Tea.

He becomes a monster that looks more akin to a werewolf than Mr. Hyde, but the transformation is brought on by the "magic tea" rather than the phases of the moon. Strangely, this was possibly intended as a sly allegory about the dangers of steroid use, but making it an herbal tea really stopped the message in its tracks. If anything, it would scare the kids away from vitamins.

As someone who was tormented in their youth (looking a lot like Wendall, to be honest), I enjoy any story where the tables are turned on the bullies. After seeing this episode as a child, I probably had my mother rush out and buy every brand of herbal tea on the market.

If it worked, I blocked out the memories.

An amusing episode, although there was a sorely missed opportunity for a Monster Vs. Monster showdown at the finale.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.08: Cave Man (1993)

2012-01-20T12:18:00.000-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 08

Cave Man

It's the Cryptkeeper's cryptday (I'm assuming the opposite of a birthday), and he's inviting you to the party! And for the entertainment, he's telling us a little story called...The Cave Man.

Extreme skateboarder dude Peter is fascinated by the perfectly preserved Neanderthal caveman that his scientist father has on ice at his laboratory. When he's left alone on his birthday, Craig accidentally unleashes the pre-modern man, and a whole lot of havoc along with him.

Honestly, there's very little menacing about the caveman. He immediately steps into the role of the lovable lug, and Craig teaches him how to wish him a happy birthday, dresses him up as his father, and has him accompany him to the amusement park almost instantly upon their first meeting.

Not even a hint of fright here, or any real monsters to speak of, so this scarcely qualifies as prime Tales From The Crypt material. It could have been an episode of any Saturday morning cartoon with just a few character design changes.

Really lightweight, like Encino Man for children. Buuuu-dy.

--J/Metro

Midnight Media Turns 3!

2012-01-19T09:10:00.021-06:00

Today--right this very minute, in fact--Midnite Media turns THREE YEARS OLD! It's amazing to me that I've kept up with it on a semi-steady basis and haven't let it fall by the wayside.

So what have I been up to for the past three years? 867 posts, of which 467 have been movie, TV and literature reviews, leaving 400 posts of various junk. I've been a busy little beaver.

I'm glad to be a part of a such an amazing online community, and I want to thank all of my readers and everyone who has ever left a comment on one of my posts. I know that audience-wise, I'm not one of the Big Boys, but all of you make me feel pretty Big, anyway.

So, HOORAY for me. Here's to another year of Midnite Media Madness & Mayhem.

The self-congratulatory bullshit is over. You may all return to your lives.

--J/Metro

Dear SOPA

2012-01-18T11:30:00.002-06:00

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--J/Metro

STOP AMERICAN CENSORSHIP

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.07: The Works...In Wax (1993)

2012-01-17T12:12:00.001-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 07

The Works...In Wax

The Cryptkeeper, dressed like an painting dandy, gets his artistic juices flowing by introducing today's tale The Works...In Wax.

Craig is a young horror fan who loves to visit the local wax museum and make bad puns at the statues--specifically Dracula, the Wolfman and Frankenstein's monster.

"They look so real sometimes I think they can see and hear everything we say!"

When Craig wanders into one of the exhibits, he's transported to a world where the monsters are real, and hunted by superstitious townsfolk. His love of the characters prompts him to assist them, befriending each of the monsters one-by-one.

The not-so-spooky subplot has Craig assisting the simple-minded janitor in proving that the museum really belongs to him following the death of the original owner.

A kindly, fun, sugar-coated entry in the canon of Wax Museum Horrors.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.06: Sleeping Beauty (1993)

2012-01-16T11:40:00.003-06:00

Tales From The Crypt

Season 1, Episode 06

The Sleeping Beauty

The Cryptkeeper introduces today's show not as Tales From The Cryptkeeper but rather as Culture Crypt, like a demented parody of Masterpiece Theater. Which is suitable as the episode, The Sleeping Beauty, is a demented parody of a famous fairy tale.

Prince Charming (real name Chuck) and his fraternal twin Melvin embark on a Romantic Quest to awaken the sleeping beauty. Along the way they encounter all manner of fantastic frighteners including man-eating wolves, man-eating trees, supernatural swamps, and living suits of armor.

Charming is a not-so-charming representation of the heroic archetype, making modern-day references to dye-jobs and tanning sessions, while the put-upon Melvin is the real hero of the tale. He even gets to save the day in the end!

Strangely, this is the first episode (so far, at least) to take a fantasy world as its setting. As a child, this probably would have disappointed me as I would have wanted a more straightforward horror tale. But as an adult, I can appreciate it more, even if it isn't at all what one would expect from an entry in the franchise.

The whole smarmy fairy tale angle (which admittedly was done earlier and sometimes better in segments on Rocky and Bullwinkle) could easily be seen as a forerunner to the Shrek series of films. I have to say, it holds up pretty well.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.05: A Little Body Of Work (1993)

2012-01-15T11:30:00.003-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 05

A Little Body Of Work

The Cryptkeeper is dressed in overalls and a baseball cap, working on his Dragula-type roadster, as he introduces today's episode A Little Body Of Work.

All-American high school student Kevin has been spending a lot of time and effort fixing up his classic automobile, despite the heckling of greaser throwback Eddie and his less-than-intelligent monkey boy Herman. When the rebuild is complete, Kevin allows himself to be suckered into a race against his antagonists, whose own vehicle is assembled from stolen parts.

Never ones to play fair, Eddie and Herman do a little tampering with Kevin's car. And she does a little tampering right back...

The concept will seem immediately familiar to anyone who has read a certain Stephen King novel or seen the movie it inspired. In fact, certain moments seem torn straight from the script.

So what if it's not terribly original. It's still a fun little episode that tweaks my nostalgia on two levels--watching this when it first aired on TV and watching the movie it was inspired by on cable when I was still a burgeoning horror fanatic.

Maybe this is what the show should have been: kid-friendly reimaginings of actual horror films. Makes you wonder how they would have done the Human Centipede, doesn't it?

--J/Metro

Eerie #15, April 1954 (Avon Comics)

2012-01-14T09:36:00.001-06:00

Eerie #15

April/May 1954

Avon Comics

The Werewolf of Warsham Manor: an unscrupulous man inherits a fortune and a vast estate when his uncle passes away. Unfortunately, he inherits a werewolf too. Decent enough, but it would have been better if seen through the eyes of the werewolf himself.

King of the Living Dead: a subterranean necromancer commands an army of zombies in Budapest until a tenacious American man sets him straight. Again, it's a decent enough tale, but the really interesting story (the backstory of the titular king of the living dead) is the one that isn't being told. You gotta love a zombie that can throw a haymaker, though.

The Subway Horror: a browbeaten husband plots to murder his wife to collect her life insurance money and a little peace of mind. A good story of vengeance for revenge that would ALMOST be at home in the pages of Tales From The Crypt.

Double Trouble (text story): a man kills a coworker who looks an awful lot like him in order to take over his life. Dull and predictable.

The Monster From the Pit: an ancient beast of Transylvanian descent known as the Grahku is killing innocents in a large unnamed city. Everyone thinks it is the work of a human killer, but one police officer knows better. I like any tale that features a book of forbidden knowledge, but sharing a little of that knowledge with the reader, regarding what the hell a Grahku is, would have been helpful.

Eerie #15 can be accessed free and legally at the Digital Comic Museum by clicking HERE.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.04: Gone Fishin' (1993)

2012-01-13T14:48:00.000-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 04

Gone Fishin'

The Cryptkeeper, on a little subterranean fishing trip, introduces this week's episode entitled, suitably enough, Gone Fishin'.

Randy's Uncle Ned tries to teach him the realities of life while on a fishing trip, but the cruelty to nature and littering at his uncle's command doesn't sit well with him. Or with nature, for that matter.

Randy starts hallucinating man-sized fish everywhere, which actually has nothing to do with the story. It just filled time to get to the ridiculous twist-ending, which made me smile despite (or perhaps because of) how silly and trite it was. Or maybe because it reminded me of a Far Side strip.

Uncle Ned is kind of a creepy fellow, getting his sadistic kicks by torturing fish and emotionally abusing his nephew. I wouldn't be surprised if he was secretly a serial killer so obsessed with that lake because that's where he dumped the bodies. Of course, you have to read between the lines to understand that. For some reason, networks are kind of skittish about showing such things on a Saturday morning cartoon.

--J/Metro

Art Appreciation: Blood Bath (1966)

2012-01-12T12:21:00.000-06:00

For my review of the film itself click HERE!

--J/Metro

2012: A Year In (P)review

2012-01-11T12:00:00.001-06:00

At the beginning of every year, I like to browse the genre listings at the Internet Movie Database to see what's coming up for us horror hipsters. As we all know, the IMDB, in terms of reliability, falls somewhere between Wikipedia and Fox News, so I try not to get my hopes up too much until more information becomes available. Regardless, here are my gut-reactions to a small handful of the titles that are supposedly upcoming.

World War Z: Based on the hit book by Max Brooks and starring Brad Pitt, this should prove to be pretty badass. Like a mockumentary version of 12 Monkeys. You know...with zombies.

Manson Rising: "A biopic depicting the life of Charles Manson. Told over five decades, this project seeks to provide an objective look into the life of the American outlaw and convicted murderer." Could be interesting, but I doubt that it could surpass the manic intensity of Jim Van Bebber's The Manson Family.

Halloween III: The third film in the rebooted franchise will be Rob Zombie-less. As fans of the original franchise, we'll bitch; we'll moan; we'll pay good money to see it anyway.

Paranormal Activity 4: Damn the naysayers! Love these films and can't wait for the fourth.

Leatherface 3D: The third installment in the rebooted Texas Chainsaw Massacre has been something I've been looking forward to since before it was even a rumor. Is it pointless that it's being filmed in 3D? Yes. Am I still going to see it? Hell yes, especially if Bill Moseley really is returning.

Frankenweenie: Tim Burton's classic short film gets the full-length treatment. Although the original is undeniably something special, an expanded version should offer a lot more depth and story opportunities. Looking forward to it.

Resident Evil - Retribution: I can't be the only genre fan who thinks they should have stopped before the first one, can I?

ParaNorman: "A misunderstood boy who can speak with the dead, takes on ghosts, zombies and grown-ups to save his town from a centuries-old curse." Animated by the same studio that brought us Coraline, so it should be pretty to look at if nothing else. And what a great title!

The Living Corpse: "A somewhat self-aware zombie takes it upon himself to keep the rest of the walking dead at bay." The self-aware zombie angle is a fresh take on an overused sub-genre, but it won't take long before it becomes a cliche itself. This could be interesting, as I was a fan of the similarly-themed novel Zombie, Ohio by Scott Kenemore.

Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Hunter: I've recently realized that I'm a fan of historical horror, especially when dealing with famous figures (Drood, Anno Dracula, From Hell, etc.), and although I haven't yet read the source novel, I'm hoping to give it a read soon. Seth Grahame Smith wrote the novel and worked on the screenplay as well, which gives a bit more respectability to the project.

Dark Shadows: Another Tim Burton project, this time a theatrical resurrection of the Dark Shadows TV program from Dan Curtis. Never a fan of the original series, and knowing how unsuccessful subsequent revivals were, I'm dubious at best about this one. But with Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jackie Earle Haley, Christopher Lee and Alice Cooper (!) supposedly attached to the film, It's still one to watch out for.

Black Forest - Hansel and Gretel and the 420 Witch: Yes, it's a marijuana-themed horror take on the classic children's tale. The Kottonmouth Kings of horror subgenres. Namely, one-note and tiring.

Hatchet III: I loved the first one, was disappointed with the second one, but am still holding high hopes for the third one. I'm sure we will be hearing plenty about this in the months to come.

The Lords of Salem: Rob Zombie is finished with the Halloween franchise and is now back on projects of his own creation, and I couldn't be happier. I know a lot of people didn't care for House of 1000 Corpses or Devil's Rejects, but I still enjoy them both and am willing to give this witchy tale a fair shake.

Criminal Macabre: An adaptation of the creepy comic book detective series could be a great thing. Let's just hope it doesn't go the way of Constantine and Jonah Hex.

Also on tap in the remakes and sequels department: Suspiria; The Gate 3D; A Nightmare on Elm Street 2; Don't Look In The Basement; Silent Hill: Revelation 3D; Piranha 3DD.

A few new TV series have me interested, as well, including Zombieland and Deadman (based on the DC comic book).

Sometimes a title tells you everything you need to know. I'll probably see a few of these, but will immediately regret it: Chubby Killer; Crack Whore; 2 Headed Shark Attack; Dr. Limptooth; Dances With Werewolves.

What are you all looking forward to the most? The least? Let me know in the comments section!

--J/Metro

Short Film: House Call

2012-01-10T07:30:00.000-06:00

Heya, Hipsters!

I received an e-mail from filmmaker Erik L. Wilson asking me to check out his short film entitled House Call, which I did. And I must say, I was suitably impressed.

Four months after the "mysterious death" of her abusive husband Dave, the adorable Janice is shacked up with her lover Steve. Janice's paranoia turns out to be justified fear when Dave's witchy mother--who is supposed to be locked up in an asylum--lurking around the house.

And that's when things get really weird.

A supernatural horror film with genuinely creepy moments and atmosphere for days, House Call has a little something for everyone--including sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. Well, if you consider red wine a drug, and what appears to be a Creed cover band rock 'n' roll.

Regardless of the questionable musical choices, and occasionally too-dim lighting, it was a great little flick with special effects that surpass the majority of indie horror on the shelves today.

I wish I could offer you a link to view the whole film, but it's password protected for the foreseeable future while it makes the rounds at film festivals. In the meantime, here's the official trailer to whet your appetite.

House Call -- Horror Short -- Trailer from Erik L. Wilson on Vimeo.--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.03: Pleasant Screams (1993)

2012-01-09T14:47:00.000-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 03

Pleasant Screams

The Cryptkeeper, wearing his raggedy-ass night clothes and in search of a midnight snack, introduces today's "dreadtime story" entitled Pleasant Screams.

Middle-aged Felix Purty and young Jenny Lawson wake up in a graveyard with only the vaguest recollection of each other and no idea how they got there. As zombies rise from their graves and attack them, they are dragged through a gate underground and wake up once again...in Tokyo, where they're attacked by a two-headed Toho-like monster.

It continues much in this same vein for the rest of the episode, introducing gargoyles, gelatinous blobs, golems and a number of other horror movie archetypes. It's very repetitious, with our dynamic duo awaking in a strange location, plagued by some new menace, and stalked by a strange faceless man--which is, admittedly, a rather creepy image.

It operates solely on bizarre dream-logic that would have irritated me as a child, and still irritates me today. I seldom enjoy plots that are strange for the sake of being strange, or movies/TV episodes that are comprised exclusively of dream or fantasy sequences.

Kudos to the creators for utilizing the golem, though, an archetype that most children wouldn't even be familiar with.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.02: Nature (1993)

2012-01-08T12:41:00.002-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 02

Nature

The Cryptkeeper, dressed like a field scientist, studies a family of ants and introduces today's episode entitled Nature.

Brothers Rick and Teddy, on a picnic in the park with their family, take to torturing ants to keep themselves entertained. A mysterious thunderstorm shrinks them to smaller-than-ant size, and they're captured by the survivors and taken on a less-than-excellent adventure that teaches the boys an important lesson.

This episode is occasionally slow moving, with what seems like a lot of filler material. Too often it tries to be educational, forcing facts down our throat and sacrificing entertainment.

And I'm sorry, but the concept of being shrunk is not frightening in the least, even to children. Maybe it was when The Incredible Shrinking Man was released (though I doubt it), but by this time it had been so Disneyfied that it's hard to believe anyone found this entertaining.

--J/Metro

Tales From The Cryptkeeper S1 Ep.01: While The Cat's Away (1993)

2012-01-07T12:17:00.001-06:00

Tales From The Cryptkeeper

Season 1, Episode 1

While The Cat's Away

The Cryptkeeper, dressed like a tropical tourist, is trying to decide where to go for vacation. After giving us a brief slide show of some of his previous getaways, his cab arrives. He decides to tell us a story while he makes his final decision.

Stu Hancott and (reluctantly) his younger brother Dwight decide that the easiest way to get the new Sandslicer dirt bike they've been lusting after is to steal something valuable from the spooky old house belonging to G. Charles Kingman, who is out of town on a trip to Transylvania.

Bats, cobwebs, paintings that come to life, secret passages, creaking staircases, mad scientist laboratories, and monsters of all varieties await them inside.

Stu's devotion to the dirt bike is a little unsettling, going so far as to kiss the picture of it he tore out of a catalog when he needs a little encouragement and diving into a vat full of questionable contents to retrieve it when it is torn from his hands.

It had a very nonsensical meta-ending that was surely designed to blow impressionable young minds. I wish I recalled how I reacted as a youngster.

While the episode itself is nothing spectacular, I can still enjoy it for what it is. The setup is reminiscent of People Under the Stairs, and the all-inclusiveness in regards to things that go bump in the night reminds me of The Monster Squad--two of my favorite "nostalgia films", so surely that helps as well.

--J/Metro

Debauchery Days

2012-01-06T00:17:00.000-06:00

Heya, Hipsters!

I know that I haven't been around much the last few weeks, and that's because my wife has been on winter break. She loves me and totally supports (or at least puts up with) my horror fanaticism, however it makes it a little more difficult to indulge in the darker fare when she's at home--especially around the holidays, when she's listening to Christmas carols and watching It's A Wonderful Life for the umpteenth time. Inundated as I was with the "Christmas Spirit", I needed a good dose of sin to get me back to my former shadowy and cynical self.

Enter Jonny's oldest pal Jimmy Retro, and our 48-hour Debauchery Days celebration.

For the past two days we have surrounded ourselves with violent fight songs, artery-clogging foods, booze, lung-busting quantities of nicotine and hookah, palpitation-inducing amounts of caffeine, and some of the most despicable, vile horror films that we could acquire. When we needed a break, however, we baptized ourselves in the soul-cleansing waters of...Mr. Belvedere.

We're nothing if not complex.

Anyway, with the saccharine goodness of the holidays behind me, and a new year ahead, I'm ready to get back into the swing of things and should return to a semi-regular posting schedule soon.

Just as soon as I recover. Debauchery takes a lot out of you.

--J/Metro

Harbor by John Ajvide Lindqvist

2012-01-03T09:12:00.000-06:00

Harbor

By John Ajvide Lindqvist

On the remote Swedish isle of Domarö, a young girl named Maja goes missing. She didn't run away. She wasn't kidnapped. It's almost as if she simply vanished from the face of the Earth. The belongings she leaves behind, and the memories of her parents, are the only proof that she had ever really been there at all.

The loss of a child inevitably plays hell on life, and Maja's father Anders is certainly no exception to this rule. In fact, he's a golden example, evolving into a broken man with a broken marriage, who drinks too much and lives too little.

After a few years away, Anders returns to the island to reclaim his life and escape his metaphorical ghosts--never realizing that he's trading them in for genuine ones.

John Ajvide Lindqvist will forever be known, in one way or another, as the man who gave us Let the Right One In. He wrote the novel which inspired the film that inspired the film Let Me In. Referring to him as the Swedish Stephen King (which is done quite frequently) may be a lazy move, but that doesn't mean there's no merit in it.

The setting of a small coastal town, despite being in a foreign setting, is definitely reminiscent of some of King's work, and certain aspects of the initial haunting could have been ripped directly from some of the man's latter day writing, most noticeably Bag of Bones. And there's a minor character-based moment, in which Anders attempts to strike a bargain with his stubborn chainsaw, that I'm still not convinced wasn't ghostwritten.

Lindqvist is no mere copycat, though, as there is plenty here that is all him. It's astounding that an island so small can have such a rich and varied history, but it does, and he puts the highlights on display here. Touching on everything from the afterlife to human sacrifice, spiritual possession to magic elemental insects, it sometimes seems as if he's just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks. And maybe he is, but with such a high stick ratio, the few scraps that fall to the floor can easily be forgiven.

Lindqvist raises many, many questions throughout this book, but doesn't guarantee that all of them will be answered to your liking. It feels as if the answers are there, hinted at in fragments, but are hidden somewhere between the lines. Not everything is going to be tied up in a nice little bow by book's end, so if that's okay with you, then more power to ya.

While a highly enjoyable read (I definitely intend to visit his previous books now), it's readily apparent that we Americans are not the audience it was written for. The story itself translates well, but some of the character names can be slightly daunting, and many of the pop culture references--which aren't necessary to understand the story, but would serve to enhance it--may as well have been made up by the author for as much as they mean to some of us. Bamses the Bear, anyone?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Pick it up if you like a little cosmic chaos and craziness mixed in with your haunted horror.

Visit Lindqvist's official website by clicking HERE (English version coming soon), and order the book from Amazon by clicking HERE!

Special thanks to Kat Brzozowski of Thomas Dunne Books for the copy.

--J/Metro

House (1986)

2011-12-18T14:36:00.001-06:00

House

Written by Fred Dekker & Ethan Wiley
Directed by Steve Miner

Roger Cobb...William Katt
Harold...George Wendt
Ben...Richard Moll

Following the suicide of his elderly aunt Elizabeth, author Roger Cobb moves into her house, where he was raised, in attempt to shake things up and overcome the writer's block that is threatening his career.

Roger has had his fair share of trauma. He's a shell-shocked Vietnam vet, recently divorced with a young son that has gone missing. When you tack the death of his beloved aunt onto this laundry list, it's no wonder that he's a little off-kilter. Who can blame the guy for hearing a few voices, and maybe seeing a few monsters?

So are these horrible visions the result of mental instability, or is the house truly haunted, as his supposedly senile aunt believed?

Well, this is the first film in a franchise, so I'll let you guess.

Rewatching this movie for the first time in many years, it's stunning how different it is than I remember. For starters, it's not neatly as frightening as I remember it being (but what is?), nor is it quite as serious and foreboding. There's definitely a dark sense of humor here that I didn't "get" as a child, and even when it is playing seriously, there's a certain mischievous cheese factor that brings out a smirk in me. Just look at these special effects!

I'm not going to lie: I am a true William Katt fan--he is and always will be THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO in my eyes--and I'm yet to see him in something that I haven't enjoyed on some level. House is no different, as he brings coolness and credibility to an outlandish scenario that is at times part Poltergeist, part Evil Dead, part House of Leaves.

George Wendt, ol' Normie Boy, is great too as the nosy neighbor, along with Big Beautiful Bald Bastard Richard Moll as a hardcore soldier with a taste for blood.

As already said, the special effects are kind of corny, but not in a sad "we tried and failed" kind of way, but in an appealing "Jim Henson Horror" kind of way. It's definitely part of its charm.

Although it no longer frightens me like it did when I was just a Boy Beatnik, and I can fully admit that nostalgia probably colors my perception, I can only now appreciate it for the underrated gem that it truly is.

1986
Rated R
93 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Solitude is always better with someone else around."
--J/Metro

Text Message by William Malmborg

2011-12-14T15:07:00.000-06:00

Text Message

by William Malmborg

While shopping at the mall, Mallory receives an alarming text message from her sister's phone:

I HAVE YOUR SISTER. DO EXACTLY AS I SAY, OR I'LL KILL HER.

The mystery man on the other end of the phone instructs her to perform a number of humiliating acts, and if she hesitates or refuses to partake, Mallory receives a photograph of unspeakable acts being committed on her younger sister.

He calls it a game, but it is obviously one that she is not meant to win, and it's all leading up to a violent final level.

This is the second Kindle-exclusive novel by William Malmborg that I've had the pleasure to read and review, and while I enjoyed his previous effort (Jimmy) more, TEXT MESSAGE is far from a sophomore slump. Busting at the seams with torture and debauchery, there's a chilling darkness here that will keep you turning the digital pages well into the night, because not only will you not want to put it down, but also because you know you won't be able to fall asleep.

Told through a revolving series of POV's, we're granted access into the inner workings of all of our principals--for better or for worse.

Mallory is a believable character, a precocious sort of heroine that we hope exists in real life. Her sister Jenna, though, a mere prop for so much of the proceedings, turns out to be a much more interesting character in the end. I only wish that we had spent more time with her as an actual person.

The villain, whose identity I won't reveal, is a victim himself, who came out the other end of a trauma as a physically and emotionally scarred individual. Malmborg may offer some degree of explanation, but don't confuse this as an excuse. This is one evil bastard, and there are no bones made about that.

There's another character, too, a boy scout-type of security guard named Dan who wants to play hero to make up for past sins. A lot of the story takes place through his eyes, but unfortunately, I found him a little dull and lifeless. And, ultimately, relatively pointless.

I can't say if it was Malmborg's intention or not, but while reading I was struck by how cinematic the story (if not necessarily the writing) seemed. Many times my mind wandered off to ponder how great a film this would make if only a few tweaks for the studio's sake were made--turn the story over to the great Larry Cohen, and let him complete the triad he began with Phone Booth and Cellular just under a decade ago.

TEXT MESSAGE is by no means a Christmas story, but it does take place around the holidays. So feel free to purchase a digital copy for the lit-loving horror fan as a gift. Support author and fellow-blogger William Malmborg by downloading the book from Amazon.

--J/Metro

John Carpenter at Funny or Die!

2011-12-12T10:15:00.000-06:00

So apparently back in October, John Carpenter hosted a number of "scary" videos over at Funny or Die in honor of Halloween. I know that I'm a few months late to the party, but I just discovered them and wanted to share. Besides, it's always Halloween...in my head.

Embedded below is the introductory video, but to watch the actual short films themselves, all you have to do is click on the title.

Enjoy!

Funny or Die Presents John Carpenter's Halloween from John Carpenter

What Have You Done To Me?: A trailer for the fake sci-fi/horror hybrid I Was A Human Experiment which comes from another planet. It's got a chuckle or two nestled in its 92-second running time.

Scary Girl: Believe it or not, this video starts off with a brief clip of John Carpenter himself playing the Halloween theme on an organ, almost worth the price of admission alone. We follow Scary Girl actress Enid through the ups-and-downs of her career, from appearing on television (iCarly), horror films, and even a Sunny Delight commercial.

Twilight - Breaking Dawn Spoof: Not at all what you're expecting. I had to watch this one a few times to be sure that my browser didn't screw up. Sort of like a bizarre skit from the cancelled-too-early MTV series The State, with a cute little reference to Enter the Void that not everyone is going to catch.

Horror Masters - Cat Thrower: You know all those fake scares in horror movies caused by felines jumping through the air at the characters onscreen? That's the work of Clint Cornwall, Cat Thrower. Features real-life examples from horror flicks, and a genius Friday the 13th Part V joke.

1:00 On Cedar Lane: It's got a creative "villain" in it, but in truth it is neither scary nor funny. Die, please.

Clumsy Ghost: What if the ghost in Paranormal Activity wasn't really mean, just a bit of a klutz? This could have been a clever video, but at a mere 36 seconds, it never gets a chance to find its footing.

Haunted Slide: Slide aficionados be warned, that when you find a slide on a Native American Burial Playground, it can only lead you to one place. And that place is Satan's butthole. Dumb, pointless, and immature.

The Original Monster Mash: Did you know that the Monster Mash song we all know and love isn't the original version, but instead is a watered-down bastardization of Bobby Pickett's true artistic vision? For the first time anywhere, see the original music video. Crude, but oddly brilliant. Warning: NSFW. Not even a little bit.

Soblin the Finx: A trick-or-treater gets a surprise when he bumps into Soblin the Finx. Although it's not funny, there is definitely a certain charm to it, and would have benefited from a longer running time. I could easily see this concept being expanded into feature length and becoming an indie Halloween favorite.

Charlie Brown - Blockhead's Revenge: Ever wonder what the Peanuts kids would be like when they grew up? Marcy and Peppermint Patty are hot lesbians; Lucy finally seduces Schroeder; and Charlie Brown? He's a psychotic killer. Cool and clever every step of the way, this short even manages to give us the Peanuts theme by way of Halloween. Badassery is afoot.

Bag of Bones Premieres Tonight!

2011-12-11T12:44:00.001-06:00

The 2-night mini-series event based on Stephen King's epic ghost story Bag of Bones begins on A&E tonight at 9/8 Central.

The official synopsis:

A&E Network presents “Stephen King’s Bag of Bones,” a four-hour epic miniseries based on The New York Times #1 bestselling novel, and featuring Pierce Brosnan’s return to television. The two-night event from Sony Pictures Television premieres in December.

“Bag of Bones” is a ghost story of grief and lost love's enduring bonds, about an innocent child caught in a terrible crossfire and a new love haunted by past secrets. Melissa George (“In Treatment”), Annabeth Gish (“Brotherhood”), Anika Noni Rose (Dreamgirls), William Schallert (“The Patty Duke Show”), Jason Priestley (“Beverly Hills, 90210”) and Caitlin Carmichael (“True Blood”) also star.

In “Bag of Bones,” bestselling novelist Mike Noonan (Brosnan) is unable to stop grieving after the sudden death of his wife Jo (Gish). Suffering from writer’s block, a dream inspires him to return to the couple's lakeside retreat in western Maine. While there, Mike befriends an attractive young widow, Mattie (George) and her daughter Kyra (Carmichael), and becomes involved in a custody battle with the child's enormously wealthy grandfather, Max (Schallert). Though his ability to write suddenly returns, Mike is plagued by ever-escalating nightmares and mysterious ghostly visitations from Sara Tidwell (Rose), a blues singer whose spirit lingers in the house. As he is haunted by the many secrets at the lake, Mike comes to realize that his late wife still has something to tell him.

Click HERE to visit the official website.
--J/Metro

Goodies In The Mail!

2011-12-09T18:21:00.000-06:00

Thanks St. Martin's Press/Thomas Dunne Books & John Ajvide Lindqvist!

Review Coming Soon!

--J/Metro

Nightmares and Dreamscapes Ep.08: You Know They Got A Hell Of A Band (2006)

2011-12-07T14:47:00.000-06:00

Nightmares and Dreamscapes Ep. 08:

You Know They Got A Hell Of A Band

Clark and Mary are a married couple on a road trip. They find themselves hopelessly lost, but things start to look up when they roll upon the small town of Rock and Roll Heaven, Oregon.

This idyllic-sounding town is right up Clark's alley, as he was obviously born in the wrong decade. He listens exclusively to classic rock and roll, drives a classic Mustang (Sally, natch!), and is an all around throwback sorta guy. So they cruise on in at Clark's insistence, much to Mary's chagrin.

While there, they notice an inordinate amount of people who look exactly like dead rock stars...and none of them want the newcomers to leave.

Honestly, it's a blatantly ridiculous concept, but somehow it works here. It's a cross between the old adage that Rock and Roll is the Devil's music and the Ray Bradbury short story "Mars Is Heaven". Only in this case, Mars is a small town in Oregon.

Despite a few silly moments, this is still the best episode of the series. Glad to see that they went out on a high note.

"Great music died the day they dreamed up disco."

--J/Metro

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 07: Autopsy Room Four (2006)

2011-12-06T14:35:00.000-06:00

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 07:

Autopsy Room Four

Howard Cottrel, a Wall Street money maker, drops dead while playing golf with one of his buddies. An aging doctor who just so happens to be passing through--a doctor on a golf course!? Impossible!--pronounces him dead and wheels his still-warm ass into the local hospital's autopsy room.

Room number four, as it turns out.

Problem is, Howard's not dead. He's just immobilized, and very much aware of his impending procedure.

Much of the "action" takes place in the
autopsy room, while the two doctor's flirt shamelessly over Howard's naked body, and Howard narrates with his thoughts. However, this inner dialogue is rather stiff and rarely comes off as natural.

These quiet and far-too-tame scenes are interspersed with flashbacks to Howard's last day of life, although these aren't any more interesting.

It's an intriguing premise, but one that fails in execution. A mediocre, weak-spined episode.

However, it's about time a boner saves the day.

--J/Metro

The Ward (2010)

2011-12-05T14:34:00.001-06:00

The Ward

Written by Michael & Shawn Rasmussen
Directed by John Carpenter

Kristen...Amber Heard
Dr. Gerald Stringer...Jared Harris
Roy...D.R. Anderson
Iris...Lyndsy Fonseca

An attractive young woman named Kristen finds herself institutionalized at the North Bend Psychiatric Hospital after burning down a farmhouse. There she becomes acquainted with the other female patients--both living and dead.

It seems the girls have a tendency to die off. But after they're gone, they don't STAY gone.

Having John Carpenter's name attached to a project just doesn't have the same cachet that it used to, and yet I keep getting suckered into watching. This film (which was nominally a NOES III: Dream Warriors, without dreams or warriors, crossed with Shutter Island, without shutters or islands--and a certain other movie I won't name for fear of spoiling everything for those who still want to see it) was a real chore to sit through, a slow-moving burner without adequate suspense or surprise to make up for the sluggish pace. It lost my interest near the 30 minute mark when it became apparent that there were no shocks or genuine surprises lying in wait, but I stuck it out partially out of responsibility, and partially because of the superfluous shower scene.

A glossy, Hollywood-style horror flick without real teeth to speak of.

2010

Rated R

88 Minutes

Color

English

United States

"Sorry, I don't converse with loonies!"

--J/Metro

Planet of the Apes (1968)

2011-12-04T13:19:00.000-06:00

Planet of the Apes

Written by Rod Serling & Michael Wilson
Directed by Franklin J. Schaffner
Based on the novel Monkey Planet by Pierre Boulle

Taylor...Charleton Heston
Nova...Linda Harrison
Zira...Kim Hunter
Cornelius...Roddy McDowall
Dr. Zaius...Maurice Evans

Three American astronauts wake up some 300 light years and 2000 Earth years from home when their shuttle crash-lands on a distant planet. Finding a civilization of primitive humanoids, they initially think that they themselves are now the most advanced creatures on the planet.

They think wrong.

They quickly discover the truth when an army of apes (it's their planet, after all) swoops in on horseback, capturing and killing all of the humans they can. Astronaut George Taylor is one of the humans captured and is taken back to the City of the Apes, where he's held in a cage and studied like an animal by psychologists Dr. Zira and her fiancé Dr. Cornelius.

Three different breeds of ape are on display here, and there's a lot of class separatism between them. For the most part, the orangutans are the leaders; the chimpanzees are the thinkers; and the gorillas are the muscle. Surely intended as commentary on the world of the late 1960s, it's still somewhat viable even today--whether you view it as commentary on race relations, or just stations in life.

In this flipsy-flipsy world, humans are mute and possess only moderate intelligence, viewed as pests and nuisances. Taylor's advanced state seems to prove Cornelius's wacky theory that apes are in fact evolved from humans, something that many of the leaders are loathe to admit even possible. Sound familiar?

This goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway: Taylor is one badass mother. How badass is he? He smokes a cigar in outer space, that's how badass. Cynical, bitter and tough, he's a hairy-chested man's man that is definitely the product of the era. He even scores a ridiculously gorgeous primitive chick by name of Nova. She doesn't speak, and she doesn't wear a lot of clothes.

That's just what Dr. Zaius ordered.

The evolution of the apes must have zapped some of their strength (as it probably zapped some of ours), because otherwise no man--no, not even Charlton Heston--could render a gorilla unconscious with a single, well-timed elbow to the back of the skull.

The special effects are still pretty good, even today, although the facial masks are rather stiff, making it difficult for the performers to express any emotion without use of their voice. The fact that all members of each breed dresses alike, and the masks are remarkably similar, occasionally makes it difficult to tell one another apart. But apes probably think the same thing about us.

Whether you give a damn about the subtext or not, this is a downright amazing movie that spawned a massive multi-media franchise and must have blown many minds upon its initial release. And somehow it still manages to capture the imagination all these years later. Sadly, many younger viewers have probably watched the recent prequel, without ever having seeing where the franchise began. If that's the case, do yourself a favor and book a vacation on the Planet of the Apes.

1968
112 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn."

--J/Metro

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 06: The Fifth Quarter (2006)

2011-12-02T10:51:00.001-06:00

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 06:

The Fifth Quarter

White trash Willy (Jeremy Sisto) has just been released from prison after a 7 year stint. Despite his promises of going straight, he winds up back on the twisty road of crime when Barney--his former cell mate, and his wife's former lover--shows up on his doorstep, dying from a gunshot wound to the gut. He's babbling about some map worth 3.5 million dollars, cut into quarters and divided among four men, himself included.

When Barney expires, Willie collects his piece of the map, and then proceeds to seek out the missing pieces with extreme prejudice.

It's a pretty good crime thriller, but it's not as gritty as it should be, probably the result of appearing on TNT instead of HBO, or at the very least FX. The source material reminded me of King channeling Vachss, but it seems slightly watered down here, but not so much that it can't be enjoyed.

King is a master of horror, but not quite a master of crime. However, I do love me some Sisto, an actor you don't hear about all that often but who absolutely crushes it every time he's onscreen. It's him--and the artful camerawork--that rank this among the better episodes of the series.

--J/Metro

Confessions Of A Horror Addict

2011-12-01T12:00:00.001-06:00

1991 was a watershed year for pop culture: Sonic the Hedgehog debuted as a worthy rival to the Mario Brothers; the Super Nintendo dropped; rival cable channels the Comedy Network and Ha! merged to create Comedy Central; and "Can't we all just get along" entered the American lexicon.

But most importantly of all, THIS happened:

That's right. To coincide with the release of the new big-screen adaptation of The Addams Family, Hammer (formerly of the MC variety) released the video for his single, "The Addams Groove", which was featured both on the film's soundtrack and on Hammer's new album Too Legit To Quit.

Being an impressionable 12 year old, and a burgeoning horror freak, I fell in love with not only the music video but the song itself, and with lyrics like this, who can blame me?

I remember the day I needed to borrow

A little of pepper (for my chicken)

The next thing you know, comin' at me

Was a hand with the fingers high steppin' (I'm witcha)

Now I tried to play it along (you know)

And act like I was havin' a ball (ha ha)

But what do I see (yo) a perm with feet (cousin it)

Standin' about three feet tall (I'm outta here)

I'm not ashamed to say--well, I am ashamed, but I'll say it anyway--that I purchased Too Legit To Quit at the onset of some long road trip, the final destination of which is long lost to memory. Sitting in the back seat with my Walkman (that's right, a Walkman!), I listened to that song over-and-over again, practically ignoring the rest of the album, until the point that I wore the tape straight through.

And then, when we got home, I pieced it back together with Scotch tape.

And I proceeded to wear it out again.

Don't judge me. I'm an addict. I know not what I do.

--J/Metro

Have your own CONFESSION that you'd like to share? Drop me a line: JonnyxMetro [at] hotmail [dot] com.

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 05: The Road Virus Heads North (2006)

2011-11-29T10:44:00.000-06:00

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 05:

The Road Virus Heads North

Horror author Richard Kinnell (who may or may not have colon cancer) is driving home to Derry, Maine after a writing conference. On a whim, he stops at a yard sale, perhaps looking for a little second-hand inspiration.

He finds it in a dark little painting called THE ROAD VIRUS HEADS NORTH--depicting an evil young man behind the wheel of a muscle car--and quickly shells out the paltry $45 fee.

With the painting in the back seat, and Richard tooling down the road, it seems almost as if the Road Virus is following him. A laughable idea, sure, but when the painting starts changing, and the background scenes depict the car getting closer and closer to Richard's home turf, suddenly no one is laughing.

Something akin to a rock-'n'-roll slasher version of The Picture of Dorian Gray, I wanted to like this one much more than I did--pretty much the same way I felt about the short story that it was based on.

I love Mad Artist stories, but mad ART? Seems a little too Amityville Sequel for my tastes. There are a number of production problems that hurt it as well.

Too much of the soundtrack is comprised of corny, Kool 101 FM-style "jazz", and no matter how good an actor Tom Berrenger might be, even he has trouble pulling off some of the lame, sloppy dialogue the script calls for. Further, there's a convoluted backstory to the painting that is never suitably explored, and the story focuses too often on unimportant details.

Definitely not one of the stronger entries in the series.

--J/Metro

Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings (1994)

2011-11-21T09:17:00.000-06:00

Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings

Written by Constantine & Ivan Chachornia
Directed by Jeff Burr

Jenny Braddock...Ami Dolenz
Sean Braddock...Andrew Robinson
Danny...J. Trevor Edmond
Marcie...Soleil Moon Frye

A group of teenagers looking for kicks in the small southern town of Ferren Woods inadvertently conjures up Pumpkinhead, the mythical spirit of vengeance. He scrambles around the town in a traveling thunderstorm, slaughtering local yokels in what at first appears to be an undiscerning manner.

But if the opening scene is any indication, there's more of a method to this monster's madness than meets the eye.

Sean Braddock is the sheriff in town, a once-local boy who has just returned from a lengthy stint in the big city. He investigates the series of murders without realizing that his daughter Jenny was one of the jackasses responsible for summoning the titular creature.

The original Pumpkinhead is one of my favorite horror flicks of all time, so it's odd that it took me so long to seek out the sequel. But, as expected, the follow up simply can't compete.

What made the original so effective was the sympathetic relationship at the movie's core. Lance Henriksen and his son had a bond more believable than almost any ever caught on film, and so when the boy died, the father's pain was our pain as well. We understood why he sought vengeance against those who killed his son. And what's more...we rooted for him!

Here, we have no connection to any of the characters. They're all stock stereotypes ripped from a thousand other horror movies, spouting lame-ass dialogue at the drop of a hat, and we couldn't care less about their "motivations" or final fates.

Pumpkinhead has such a rich folklore behind him, and could easily be a genuine myth in any rural American locale, but it's not played up nearly enough this time. There are few if any references to the first film, and the past seems pretty much ignored completely (it really should have been Lance Henriksen's character "behind" Pumpkinhead, should it not?).

Despite the mediocrity of this supernatural slasher, the scenes with Pumpkinhead in them are still worth the watch, thanks to the fellas at KNB effects. Even if he DOES throw some poor schmoe in a backbreaker like a WWE superstar.

1994
Rated R
88 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Some folks say she's a witch."
--J/Metro

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 04: The End of the Whole Mess (2006)

2011-11-18T09:16:00.000-06:00

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 04:

The End of the Whole Mess

"Why are people so damn mean?"

That's what Bobby Fornoy wants to know. As a boy, he was something of a genius, bouncing from one overriding obsession to another, and conquering them all. He even built an airplane once, and his older brother Howard filmed its first flight--cementing both of their destinies.

Decades later, Howard (our narrator) is a documentary filmmaker and Bobby is still a boy genius, but he has set his sights on a bigger prize: world peace. By distilling the strange, calming properties found only in the water of La Plata, TX, and utilizing some crazy scheme involving a volcano, Bobby manages the impossible. He brings peace to the world.

But everything has its downside, and just like every medication, there are, of course, side effects.

The acting is fine, but the plot is a little goofy, and this is only accented by the occasional silly editing tricks (meant to mimic one of Howard's films, I assume).

A passable, but rather uninspiring, view of the apocalypse.

--J/Metro

Boy Wonder (2010)

2011-11-15T11:22:00.000-06:00

Boy Wonder

Written & Directed by Michael Morrissey

Sean Donovan...Caleb Steinmeyer
Terry Donovan...Bill Sage
Detective Theresa Aames...Zulay Henao

While I don't typically require a *SPOILER ALERT* in my reviews, this film begs for a slightly deeper examination than usual. So if you haven't seen Boy Wonder yet, do yourself a favor and WATCH IT. Then come back.

Ten years ago, young Sean Donovan witnessed the senseless murder of his mother. Now a socially awkward teenager with a disgust for the crumbling world around him, he takes to the streets of Brooklyn under concealment of night seeking vengeance against the criminal element that ruined his life.

He's alone in his mission, but he's not alone in this film. The dynamic between Sean and his father is dark and complex, and utterly believable--as unsavory as it is. He also makes an accidental acquaintance out of Theresa Aames, the newest homicide detective in the district, who feels bad for the kid while simultaneously investigating him. It's an interesting relationship that they have, both fighting the same fight on opposite sides of the system.

There have been multiple examples of "superheroes in the real world" scenarios in the media, from Kickass to the short-lived The Cape, and, in some respects, even Batman Begins. But all of these "real worlds" are far from real. They didn't show us what a comic book hero would be like in real life so much as attempt to explain away the comic book tropes in a realistic manner, neverminding the fact that said tropes would not exist in the real world.

This is where Boy Wonder excels. Sean has no superpowers, genuine (Dr. Manhattan's control over time and matter) or pseudo (Kickass's lack of pain sensors). He is just an angry young man with a dark past and a bitter fury that has no outlet except the occasional murder of a scumbag pimp or pedophile. Even Batman, one of the more "realistic" comic book heroes in terms of physiognomy and origin, has a superpower of sorts in his genius intellect and limitless resources. Not so with Sean, a blue collar boy with a sharp (but believable) mind. He's what Robin might have become had there never been a Batman.

Don't let the title, the film's conceit, and my geeky ramblings confuse you. This is not, honestly, a comic book film. It's a crime thriller with a few parallels to the world of comic books. There are no cheeky in-jokes, no spandex costumes, no four-color winks at the audience. That being said, there still has to be some level of crossover appeal.

Sean is doing what so many of us wish we could do, fighting injustice when the justice system fails. All of us are born out of tragedy in some form, and if you haven't been, then you're probably not done growing yet. Tragedy breeds a lot of complex emotions--guilt, grief and anger perhaps the most powerful; a potent concoction that can be used as fuel. But if it's powering the wrong engine, the outcome can be disastrous.

Sean's already-fractured psyche quickly develops even more stress lines, and there's a pivotal and brutal scene in which he beats a mentally ill homeless man on the subway. This man can be viewed as a symbol of the madness that is ensnaring society at every turn, and in the attack Sean "gets a little on him", as it were.

Tragedy begets tragedy. Violence begets violence. Madness begets madness. And vengeance is never the answer. These are the lessons that Boy Wonder so astutely teaches us.

A truly fantastic film that belongs in every collection.

2010
Rated R
93 Minutes
Color
English
United States

11/22/63 by Stephen King Drops Today!

2011-11-08T07:14:00.001-06:00

11/22/63, the new novel by the "retired" Stephen King drops today. Sure, it's seems more sci-fi than horror, and sure, his recent books haven't had the same gusto as his older stuff, but still, the man is a legend for good reason, and it should prove to be an entertaining read. And hey, at least we get to return to Derry! Order the hardcover from Amazon, or a Kindle copy if that's your bag. Better yet, go support a locally owned bookstore and buy it there.

From the Amazon page:

"ON NOVEMBER 22, 1963, THREE SHOTSRANG OUT IN DALLAS, PRESIDENTKENNEDY DIED, AND THE WORLD CHANGED.WHAT IF YOU COULD CHANGE IT BACK?

In this brilliantly conceived tour de force, Stephen King—who has absorbed the social, political, and popular culture of his generation more imaginatively and thoroughly than any other writer—takes readers on an incredible journey into the past and the possibility of altering it.

It begins with Jake Epping, a thirty-five-year-old English teacher in Lisbon Falls, Maine, who makes extra money teaching GED classes. He asks his students to write about an event that changed their lives, and one essay blows him away—a gruesome, harrowing story about the night more than fifty years ago when Harry Dunning’s father came home and killed his mother, his sister, and his brother with a sledgehammer. Reading the essay is a watershed moment for Jake, his life—like Harry’s, like America’s in 1963—turning on a dime. Not much later his friend Al, who owns the local diner, divulges a secret: his storeroom is a portal to the past, a particular day in 1958. And Al enlists Jake to take over the mission that has become his obsession—to prevent the Kennedy assassination.

So begins Jake’s new life as George Amberson, in a different world of Ike and JFK and Elvis, of big American cars and sock hops and cigarette smoke everywhere. From the dank little city of Derry, Maine (where there’s Dunning business to conduct), to the warmhearted small town of Jodie, Texas, where Jake falls dangerously in love, every turn is leading eventually, of course, to a troubled loner named Lee Harvey Oswald and to Dallas, where the past becomes heart-stoppingly suspenseful, and where history might not be history anymore. Time-travel has never been so believable. Or so terrifying."

On a side note, why didn't they release this book on November 22nd? Seems like a lost marketing goldmine to me, just like Captain America not being released on July 4th.

--J/Metro

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep.03: Umney's Last Case (2006)

2011-11-07T09:06:00.000-06:00

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 03:

Umney's Last Case

Clyde Umney (William H. Macy) is a private detective circa 1938. His job is full of danger and chaos, so he relies on the little things to get him by. He finds small comforts in the repetitions of his private life: the rain never stops falling; the neighbor's dog never stops barking; his favorite diner never closes; and the paperboy on the corner, the secretary in his office, and the operator on the elevator are always there.

Then one day Umney wakes up. The sun is shining; the dog is silent; the diner is closed; and all of his acquaintances are either gone or leaving. His whole world is changing, and he doesn't like it one bit.

A man appears in his office, sharing his face and carrying a wacky typewriter from the future. He claims to be Sam Landry--Umney's alter-ego from the future, his creator, who has come to take over Umney's life.

I've always enjoyed stories that blur the line between reality and fiction, and this is no exception. Umney's hardboiled tough guy shtick is a dead on representation of a romanticized time period with very little basis in fact, but that doesn't prevent him from being one cool mother. It seems slightly padded at times to fill the one-hour running time, and gets a little too slapsticky when Umney is being controlled by Landry, in my opinion. And while it's not the horror that Stephen King is known for, this fantasy tale is still a pretty fun sixty minutes.

"Stay out of the rain, kid."
--J/Metro

Short Film: 10 Things I Hate About Camping (2011)

2011-11-04T10:13:00.000-05:00

Filmmakers Warren 'Waz' Bray and Craig Collett show us that the Great Outdoors aren't all they're cracked up to be in this brief, six-and-a-half-minute short film. Counting down the top ten reasons, it begins as a light-hearted look at the perils of camping--the food, the lodgings, the insects--which is nothing new, but displayed in a cutesy, entertaining sort of way. Then, as we get to the number one slot, it takes a sudden left turn and we end up in Zombieland.

Click HERE to watch the video for free at the IMDB page, and be sure to stick around to listen to the closing themesong, otherwise you'll be missing half the fun.

--J/Metro

Nightares & Dreamscapes Ep. 02: Crouch End

2011-11-03T10:25:00.001-05:00

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 02:

Crouch End

American couple Lonnie and Doris Freeman are vacationing in Jolly Ol' England, and a dinner invitation in the neighborhood of Crouch End seems like an innocuous enough proposition. Despite the warnings of local cabbies that Crouch End is not for strangers, and that Crouch End is home of a thin spot in the barrier that separates this world from the next, the Freemans decide to accept the invite and make an evening of it.

Too bad they lost the directions...

Things are creepy right off the bat, as Doris catches fleeting glimpses of beasts and monsters hiding beneath the surface of everyday things. Then Lonnie is attacked by some unseen creature, and seems drastically changed afterwards, which doesn't bode well for his wife.

This is Stephen King's stab at a modern-day entry into the H.P. Lovecraft canon. When I first read the short story that served as the source material, I wasn't too impressed. But having now read a decent chunk of Lovecraft's work, my opinion may have changed, and I need to go back and try it again. This television adaptation did pretty good, in my eyes, at filming the unfilmable--or at least another author's rendition of the unfilmable.

Good acting (especially by Claire Forlani as the superstitious Doris and Linal Haft as Archie the cab driver) helped move us along, even through a few of the slower parts at the beginning of the episode. The special effects weren't bad either, although they perhaps wavered just a bit at the very end.

Over all, TNT is two-for-two with Nightmares & Dreamscapes.

--J/Metro

Goodbye to Halloween

2011-11-01T00:54:00.002-05:00

Heya, Hipsters!

Thus ends my third annual Halloween Blogathon. I realize that some of you may have missed a post or two (and if you didn't, I worry about your social life), but fear not! Just use this handy-dandy index, and peruse the content at your leisure. As promised, 24 posts in 24 hours! And I hope you will all excuse me if I take a day or two off to catch my breath...

1) Halloween (1978)
2) Halloween 2 (1981)
3) Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
4) Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
5) Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers
6) Halloween 7: H20
7) Halloween 8: Resurrection
8) Halloween (2007)
9) Halloween II (2009)
10) Halloween: The Inside Story
11) Halloween Part II Fan Edit by Modern Knife
12) Halloween Fan Films by Chris R. Notarile
13) Special Guest Post: A Gay Man's Take on Michael Myers
14) Not Your Typical Halloween Merchandise
15) Halloween by Curtis Richards (Novelization)
16) Halloween: H20 Script Treatment by Kevin Williamson
17) Halloween: Resurrection Early Draft Script by Larry Brand
18) Halloween: Sam by Stefan Hutchinson (Short Story)
19) Halloween: White Ghost by Greg Mitchell (Short Story)
20) Halloween Chaos Comics Series
21) Halloween: 30 Years of Terror (Comic)
22) Halloween: Nightdance (Comic)
23) Halloween: The First Death Of Laurie Strode (Comic)
24) Miscellaneous Halloween Links

Miscellaneous Halloween Links

2011-10-31T23:01:00.001-05:00

Here's a small collection of interesting links I assembled while working on this exhausting blogathon, mostly material I thought was really great but that I couldnt justify assembling into its own post.

Photographer Christine Flaherty crafted a photo-story called The Night He Came Home, starring everybody's favorite serial killer Michael Myers and some poor hapless teenage girl. Click HERE and give it a look.

Over at Soundcloud, musician Figure has released a track called "Michael Myers is Dead". Click HERE to check it out. Warning: It's a beast!

Deviant Art is a great website for finding pop artists that you had never heard of. A search for "Michael Myers" will pull up thousands of pieces, including the awesome piece above from MontyGog (Dave Perillo). Click HERE to visit MontyGog's page, or HERE for a quick Michael Myers search of Deviant Art.

To tie into the release of Rob Zombie's Halloween on DVD, they released a viral video game in which you get to step into the shoes of Michael Myers, fetching a butcher knife from the kitchen and hacking and slashing your way through a whole slew of teenieboppers. Click HERE to play it. You know you want to.

Nancy Kyes (Annie Brackett in Halloween) is now an artist whose work can be viewed at her OFFICIAL WEBSITE.

Brian Andrews played the young Tommy Doyle in the original Halloween. He went onto a few small roles, but hasn't appeared on screen since playing "Nerdy Kid" in 1987's Three O'Clock High. He's making his way back to film with Last Supper: The Russellville Hacksaw Murders, a sort-of unofficial indie spin-off of the Halloween franchise (based on a throwaway line by the cemetery curator), currently in pre-production. Check out the FACEBOOK PAGE for more information on the film.

Halloween: The First Death of Laurie Strode

2011-10-31T22:01:00.000-05:00

The First Death of Laurie Strode

In 2008, Devil's Due publishing began releasing their new miniseries, Halloween: The First Death of Laurie Strode. It takes place after the original two films, and was meant to cover the timeline between them and H20, a 20 year gap of time in Laurie Strode's life that has never been explored.

#1 - Masks and Grotesque Figures: This story picks up in the days following the events of Halloween 1 and 2, as Laurie Strode attempts to reconcile herself with the fact that not only is she adopted, but that her blood brother is responsible for killing off most of her friends. Understandably, she sees Michael Myers everywhere. And then, eventually, he IS there. It's a nice introduction to the series, with a few impressive scenes that really allow us into Laurie's damaged psyche, so it looks like things are getting off to a pretty solid start.

#2 - Demons Tormenting Me: Laurie Strode and Dr. Loomis reunite following the appearance of Michael Myers in the previous issue, and Loomis promises to stay in Haddonfield to protect her. In the days leading up to graduation, the shock of Halloween night proves too much for Laurie to deal with, and she seeks refuge in drugs and alcohol. Thankfully Loomis stays sharp though, as he and Nurse Marion begin to formulate a plan to save Laurie's life...or at the very least, delay the inevitable. The action and the tension start to ratchet up here, leading to what would inevitably be a fantastic finale.

This Devil's Due miniseries was primed up to be an excellent addition to the storyline, not only filling in the events regarding Laurie Strode's supposed death and transformation into Keri Tate, but also offering insight into her as a character. It was admittedly a bit disheartening to see good girl Laurie stray to the dark side, but what traumatized teenager wouldn't? We already know that she turns into a "functioning alcoholic" by the time H20 rolls around, so this seems a believable beginning to her downward slide.

I was greatly looking forward to the last issue of this series. Unfortunately, for whatever reason DDP has yet to release the third and final issue that was promised to us approximately THREE years ago. Although the issue has almost surely been completed, all that has been released to the public is the cover art.

Stay away from this series, unless you enjoy a good tease that never amounts to anything. It's like being at a strip club when you suddenly run out of money.

I imagine.
--J/Metro

Halloween: Nightdance

2011-10-31T21:01:00.000-05:00

Halloween: Nightdance

In 2008, Devil's Due Publishing released this four issue miniseries chronicling the continuing adventures of Michael Myers between H20 and Resurrection. It takes him outside of his usual stomping grounds of Haddonfield, Illinois and drops him in the nearby Russellville, mentioned by the cemetery groundskeeper in the original film as the scene of a brutal murder.

#1 - A Shape in the Void: We meet our heroine Lisa, who suffers from nightmares caused by some trauma in her past that we're not yet privileged to. Meanwhile, Michael Myers is holding another girl captive. She manages to escape but is quickly run down by Ryan, who is driving with his wife--who is promptly murdered by Michael when she gets out to investigate. He drags her body into the shadows and promptly disappears, only to reappear the next morning, following Lisa. With the story shifting from one girl to another, it's rather difficult to tell them apart at first. Even once you get it figured out, there's not a whole lot here to draw you in. Not a terribly great way to start off the series.

#2 - The Silent Clown: Lisa and her friends Sean and Nikki visit a carnival, until Nikki gets jealous of the attention Sean is giving to Lisa. She goes home early, and receives a surprise visit from Michael Myers. Meanwhile, Ryan arrives at the hospital with the girl he hit with his car, desperate to find his wife. The artwork at the carnival is fantastic, with some great creepy clown scenes. Unfortunately, the story isn't progressing any more satisfactory at this point, and Michael Myers is acting strangely out of character: since when does he stuff fruit into the mouths of his victims and put lipstick on them before slitting their throats?

#3 - A Rainbow In One Color: Through a flashback, we're given an insight into Lisa's crippling fear of the dark, and her first encounter with Michael Myers. Then, while she and Sean recoup from their day at the carnival, Michael pays them a visit and, in true slasher fashion, a showering Lisa goes full frontal (!) for the camera. Ryan and Lisa finally meet up, tying their previously unconnected storylines together. The suspense has been ratcheted up greatly in this issue, and it begins to feel like a Halloween movie for the first time.

#4 - When The Stars Came Crashing Down: Okay, I admit that this series got off to something of a rocky start in my eyes, but by the finale, I was fucking sold! Michael's sadistic side takes center stage here as he lures the few survivors into his trap. The Jack-o-lanterning of a human being was insane, and the closing moments were a sick and tasty treat.

Overall, a pretty damn gratifying story that benefits from being read in one sitting, rather than its original serialized format. If you're a comic book fan and a Halloween fan, do yourself a favor and hunt down the collected edition.

***CENSORED***

--J/Metro

Halloween: 30 Years of Terror Comic

2011-10-31T20:01:00.000-05:00

Halloween: 30 Years of Terror

In 2008, to cash in on the 30th anniversary celebration of the original film, Devil's Due Publishing released this one-shot issue, which takes place in the H20 continuity, ignoring not only Parts 4-6 in the film series, but also the three Halloween comics released previously by Chaos Comics.

Trick or Treat: This short story begins toward the end of the original film, when Laurie Strode sends Tommy Doyle and Lindsey Wallace them to the Mackenzie house for help, and details how that night changed the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Mackenzie. And, I believe, it explains how the child seen briefly in Halloween II winds up with a razor blade wound on his tongue--not that we were clamoring for an explanation. Kind of a pointless kick off to this anthology. The art is rather rough, but passable.

POV: This story takes place at the Miss Haddonfield Beauty Pageant, where Michael Myers is stalking the winner. Completely wordless and told only in pictures, it's actually rather genius in concept: one page unveils the story through Michael's eyes, while the following page shows the exact same scene through his victim's eyes...until there's nothing left for her to see.

Visiting Hours: Taking place between Halloween H20 and Halloween Resurrection, an institutionalized Laurie Strode imagines how her life would have been different had she forgotten to drop the key off at the Myers house, which would theoretically have kept her off of Michael's radar. But even in her fantasies, Michael catches up with her eventually. This story explains how Laurie comes to realize that Michael Myers is her brother (something never explained in the films), in the form of a repressed memory that is shaken loose as a result of his assault. It takes a few reads to fully understand what's going on, but it's a pretty decent read. The artwork has a suitable sketchy quality to it, reminding me of something you would find in a Vertigo title.

Tommy and the Boogeyman: This story features a comic-within-a-comic, as a fully grown Tommy Doyle (now a comic book artist himself) reads the first issue of Tarantula Man, a fictional comic book mentioned in the original film. Although it has pretty much nothing to do with the franchise itself, it's pretty entertaining, and the Tarantula Man artwork is fan-freaking-tactic.

Repetition Compulsion: Starring Dr. Loomis and Nurse Marion Chambers, this story takes place on October 30, 1989. Michael purposefully leaves a clue for Loomis, leading him to the elementary school where his next kill is going to take place. This story shows a more crafty and cunning side of Michael Myers, one that has a very dark sense of humor. Any Loomis story has my support.

--J/Metro

Chaos Comics Halloween Series

2011-10-31T19:01:00.000-05:00

Chaos Comics Halloween Series

In the year 2000, following the release of Halloween H20, Chaos Comics secured the rights to the Halloween franchise. They were apparently as unhappy with the eradication of Parts 4-6 from continuity as I was, because this series attempted to connect the events of those film to the events in H20. It was an admirable attempt, and I truly enjoyed this series, but it unfortunately lasted only three issues. Later, the rights to the franchise were given over to Devil's Due Publishing, and these Chaos Comics issues were themselves erased from continuity.

Talk about a headache!

Halloween: Tommy Doyle, working on an exposé book about Michael Myers procures a copy of the late Dr. Loomis's private notes and journals. The majority of the issue is dedicated to flashbacks narrated by Loomis's entries and follows a young Michael Myers living in the institution. These are all inspired by scenes included in the novelization of the original Halloween, which gives this a distinctly meta feel: a comic book adaptation of a novelization of a motion picture based on a script. Chaos seems to always have great art, and it's on full display here during the flashbacks and the wraparound story as well. This may not be new to diehard fans, but seeing what was previously only imagined was killer--pun intended.

Halloween II - The Blackest Eyes: Richie Castle (the kid who trips young Tommy Doyle in the original, then bumps into Michael Myers) returns here--briefly--as does Sheriff Bracket, and their fates intertwine in a way you won't believe. Also appearing in cameo are Richie's childhood chums Keith and Lonnie. While Michael Myers kills off anyone dumb enough to wander into his family home, Brackett informs Tommy Doyle about the Myers family history, revealing some less-than-favorable facts about Michael's father. The Druids and the curse of Samhain play a lot into this story, both in the past and in the present day.

Halloween III - The Devil's Eyes: Tommy Doyle, framed for murder, escapes from the mental institution two years after the events in Chaos Comics's Halloween II. At the same time, the corpses of Annie Brackett, Lynda Vander Klok, and Bob Simms (the victims from the first film) are stolen from the graveyard. Desperate, Tommy runs to Lindsey Wallace (the other child Laurie Strode ended up babysitting all those years ago) for help. The Shape attacks them both, and during the struggle, Tommy manages to remove the mask, resulting in a grand reveal that will certainly upset some people. It would appear that this issue branches into a distinctly different reality than the film series, but it's feasible that it takes place between the ending of H20 (where Laurie decapitates The Shape), and the beginning of Resurrection, where Laurie is found institutionalized.

--J/Metro

Halloween: White Ghost by Greg Mitchell

2011-10-31T18:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween: White Ghost

By Greg Mitchell

This short text story features and/or mentions a variety of familiar faces from the original Halloween film: Dr. Loomis, Dr. Wynn, Nurse Marion, Nurse Strickland (from the television edit), and of course...Michael Myers.

But none of these characters are truly in the spotlight here. The star of this story is one Mr. Chris Hastings.

Right now, you're surely thinking "Who the hell is Chris Hastings?"

He's the tow truck driver from Phelps Garage who "donated" his coveralls to the recently escaped Michael Myers. Not even a genuine character in the film, only a corpse lying at the edge of the frame just outside of Dr. Loomis's field of vision, this goes to show that everybody has a story, and they all deserve to be told.

White Ghost takes us along on Chris's last few hours of life, as he visits his hometown of Haddonfield for the final time and relives a few torturous memories from his past. Michael Myers was not the only tragedy to ever hit Haddonfield. In fact, Michael Myers is only a small portion of the expanded Halloween universe.

The Official Synopsis:

Nine years ago, Chris Hastings left Haddonfield behind. He ran away to escape his past, but his future wasn't any more promising. So tonight, the night before Halloween, 1978, Chris is going back to Haddonfield, and the ghosts of his past aren't the only thing waiting there for him.

Ironically, as much as I love the character of Dr. Loomis, I enjoyed this story much more than the previous text story, Sam, which centered on Loomis. I give a lot of props to Malek Akkad for continuing the legacy of his father in such creative ways, and I hope for a lot more of these stories in the future--but as more time passes, the less likely that seems.

White Ghost can be downloaded FOR FREE from the official Halloween Comics website by clicking HERE!

--J/Metro

Halloween: Sam by Stefan Hutchinson

2011-10-31T17:01:00.000-05:00

Halloween: Sam

by Stefan Hutchinson

HalloweenComics.Com, the official website of the Halloween line of comic books, released some time back two FREE stories that continue the plotlines outlined in the film franchise. As they are from an "official" source, they should be considered part of the canon, and not just fancy fan fiction. Please note that these are text stories with a few illustrations, not comic books.

The 'Sam' that the title refers to is Dr. Sam Loomis, of course; and although it may seem unusual to hear the doctor referred to solely by his first name, it makes sense in this context. For the first time in this story, we are allowed to look at Sam (the man) hiding beneath Loomis (the obsession).

It covers a number of important events in Sam's life, beginning with him leaving his home in England to practice psychiatry in Illinois; We go with him as he visits the crime scene following the murder of Judith Myers by her younger brother Michael; and we watch as Sam slowly gives way to his obsession with Michael Myers, overcome with fear and depression, going so far as to contemplate suicide.

"A sad old man crying. That's all I am. That's why they curse me. A pathetic cowardly creature with memories lost and broken. How far have I come from who I was? What has changed inside me--why can't I change it back? Why am I letting these things control and destroy me for a thousandth time? I don't want this life. I loathe this emptiness, this abhorrent isolation. I want things to make sense--I want my world to be beautiful again--I want everybody to come back--"

Following Michael's breakout and second assault on Haddonfield, we are privy to a few of the details regarding their staging of Laurie Strode's death, and of her adopting a new identity as Keri Tate. And although Michael seems to disappear for a while, Loomis knows that he is there, lurking in the shadows...waiting. While everyone else thinks the Bogeyman is dead, Loomis never gives up the hunt.

The purpose of this story is two-fold: it allows us a little more insight into the mind of Dr. Sam Loomis and his relationship with Michael Myers; and it also fills in the 20 year gap in the storyline between Halloween 2 and Halloween H20 (as this story takes place in the H20 chronology, parts 4-6 are ignored).

Michael Myers is not the star here, but when he does show up, he shines. Toward the gruesome end of the story, we realize just how lost of a character Michael really is, and that Loomis is equally lost if not even more so. It ends in requisite tragedy, but at least Loomis finally gets an official send off.

The reading was a little rough-going and uninteresting for me at times (I admit, I like my Loomis crazed and obsessed), but it really pulls together by the end, and I can see certain elements in my mind as clearly as if they were deleted scenes from the franchise. At just 38 pages, it won't take you long to read, so Loomis Lovers should definitely take note.

Download Halloween: Sam for free by clicking HERE!

--J/Metro

Halloween Resurrection (Hall8ween) Early Draft by Larry Brand

2011-10-31T16:01:00.007-05:00

Halloween 8

(Hall8ween)

early draft by Larry Brand

Halloween Resurrection was scripted by Larry Brand and Sean Hood, but before Hood was brought aboard, Brand had taken a stab at it himself. An early draft of this script, entitled Hall8ween, can easily be found on the Internet. The storyline is basically the same--Internet entertainment entrepreneur Freddie Harris stages a "reality" show at Michael Myers' childhood home on the same night that the Shape comes home--so I'll only cover the differences here.

In this script, Laurie Strode's son John is directly referenced by the nurses at the hospital where she is institutionalized, saying that he used to visit her, then "suddenly stopped". This would leave one to believe that perhaps Michael Myers had already killed him...until Michael shows up and Laurie shouts at him that he will never find her son. So maybe he's still alive and went into hiding? Not that it matters. Michael still seems wholly unconcerned, and doesn't even attempt to pursue him.

Also, although Laurie still lures Michael to the roof, she does not have a booby trap waiting for him. She merely allows him to attack her, and then unsuccessfully attempts to pull him over the ledge with her in an even less heroic and just worthy death than she received in the final film.

Following her death, we're still introduced to the rest of the cast. The college students investigating the house are slightly different, but nothing noteworthy--as they never amounted to much more than chum anyway. The only impressive difference is that one of the students, Bill, is actually working for Netertainment, and it's he, not Freddie, who dons the Michael Myers outfit to scare the others.

Another student, Jim, gets to spout a rather hammy monologue that didn't make the final cut:

"Michael Myers isn't real. He might have been real once, but not anymore. Michael Myers has entered the dark mythology of America, my friends. He's become part of the horror that's been the underside of this country ever since the first white man murdered the first Indian and started seeing the ghosts of revenge in every shadow. He's the great white shark of our unconscious. He's every murderous impulse we've ever had. He's the voice that whispers to us to flatten the old lady taking forever at the checkout counter in front of us. He's that little itch at the base of our brains where reptiles once ruled. He's all of us, my friends, each and every one."

Freddie is still the same Kung fu clown he would later turn out to be, but he's much less, umm, URBAN in this draft. Reading dialogue from here, and from the shooting script, it's obvious that the character was rewritten with Busta Rhymes in mind. And, less importantly, his business venture here is known as Netertainment as opposed to Dangertainment--although it's difficult to figure out which one is worse.

It's also noteworthy that Tyra Banks's character Nora was originally a guy named Charlie, a sexual reversal similar to what happened with LL Cool J's character in Halloween H20.

There's a whole new character in this script as well, a determined police detective named Donaldson whose investigation into the murder of Laurie Strode eventually leads him to the Myers house and right into the hands of Michael. He survived the ordeal, but not the final draft of the script, not that it's any real loss. On paper, he wasn't a great character, he brought nothing at all to the story and his investigation amounted to nothing.

In the end, Michael's body was not found in the ashes here, having somehow escaped in a rather anti-climactic finale.

Overall, there would have been no real benefit had they shot this version of the script instead, as all of the differences were basically cosmetic. Larry Brand gave us a pig. Sean Hood just put some lipstick on it.

--J/Metro

Early Halloween H20 Script Treatment by Kevin Williamson

2011-10-31T15:01:00.006-05:00

Halloween H20

Script Treatment by Kevin Williamson

The basic premise of what would eventually become Halloween H20 was there from the very beginning, but as it was originally plotted there were a number of differences.

Laurie Strode was still living under an assumed name in this first treatment by Kevin Williamson of Scream fame, and she was still a divorced functioning -alcoholic mother of a teenage son. In fact, Laurie's role in the film was pretty much unchanged.

Her son, though, was a 16 year old named Mick instead of the 17 year old John from the completed film. Where John is depicted as a typical rambunctious teenager, Mick was something more of a straight-up prick, going so far as to dress up like Michael Myers just to mess with his mother's head. What a bastard!

Laurie was still the head mistress of a private school, only the location was initially in New England instead of Northern California. One other important detail that was changed about the school: it was originally intended to be an all-girl's school, with young Mick being the sole male student. So he was not just a bastard, he was a lucky bastard to boot.

So as not to skimp on the teenage sexual antics--because a slasher loves nothing more than offing a handful of promiscuous teens--the girls school and the nearby boys school have a Halloween dance that erupts into violence when Michael Myers (The Shape himself) appears. The police swarm the dance in helicopters(!), one of which is then stolen by a panicked student, who promptly crashes it into a mountain, killing many.

The final showdown takes place in a tunnel, where Laurie, Mick and Molly (an odd choice of an ugly duckling character who is given a "Sally Jesse Rafael makeover" during her own pointless subplot, just so she can later be murdered) have ended up after fleeing the scene in a school bus.

After what I can only assume is a protracted battle sequence, Mick and Laurie are chased out of the tunnel by Michael, just as another police helicopter is landing. Michael kills the pilot, and he is lured somehow into the helicopter's blades and is chopped in half, "killing him for good."

I'm rather puzzled as to how this happened, since the helicopter's blades are on top of the aircraft. In order to get chopped in half, he would have had to be standing on top of the helicopter--possibly even kneeling. Regardless, the finale seems disappointing, at least on paper. It's much more satisfying that Laurie ended up beheading him up close and personal...even if it was later revealed to be a trick by the suddenly-crafty Michael Myers.

On a laughable closing note, remember LL Cool J's security guard character from the film?

It was written as a woman.

But apparently LL wanted the role, and threatened to have his mother knock the casting agent out if he didn't comply.

Happy Halloween, hipsters!
--J/Metro

Halloween (Novelization) by Curtis Richards

2011-10-31T14:01:00.022-05:00

Halloween (Novelization)

By Curtis Richards

"The horror started on the eve of Samhain, in a foggy vale in Northern Ireland at the dawn of the Celtic race..."

The novelization of John Carpenter's Halloween was released to coincide with the film, and while it followed the plot of the movie pretty faithfully, there were a number of diversions made in print that were not found on celluloid. As everyone is (or should be) familiar with the storyline, I'll only deal with the differences here.

The differences begin right off the bat, as the novel begins at the dawn of the Celtic race: Deirdre, the youngest daughter of the Druid King Gwynnwyll, was an early-bloomer, with sandy brown hair and amber highlights, eyes of green, and a skin tone resembling "cream and wild rose". She was an early-bloomer, and had caught the eye of many men--including one Enda, a 15 year old boy whose botched childbirth left him with a uselessly shriveled arm. Enda's advances, though, were met with both laughter and fear.

At the festival of Samhain, Deirdre's betrothal to another man was announced, and Enda snapped, attacking and murdering the pair with a blade his family used for butchering hogs and chickens.

Enraged, the rest of the tribe attacked Enda, rending him limb from limb. Following the melee, only his heart and head remained, and these were buried on the Hill of Fiends, where the tribal shaman pronounced a special curse, which, in hindsight, doesn't seem like such a great idea.

"Thy soul shall roam the earth till the end of time, reliving thy foul deed and thy foul punishment, and may the god Muck Olla visit every affliction upon thy spirit forevermore."

Flash forward to October 31, 1963.

A six year old Michael talks with his grandmother, who is disappointed in his choice of costume--a clown. When she was a kid, Halloween was a serious affair, she says, and much effort was put into scaring away the Bogeyman, who would slaughter livestock, burn down barns, etc. She even recounts one particular incident of her own in Nineteen-Ought-Something, when the supposed Bogeyman had slit the 300-pound family hog's throat, carried it up to the roof, and plugged the chimney with it.

"Twas the Bogeyman, that's all there is to it."

We learn, in passing, that Michael has been having trouble: fights at school, bed wetting, having violent dreams, and hearing voices. But wait...Michael's not the only one who had suffered these symptoms in the Myers bloodline. This is exactly how it started with Michael's great grandfather Nordstrom: In the 1890s, at a harvest dance on All Hallows Eve, he shot and killed a couple and was hanged for his crime.

Michael, urged by the voices he hears, slaughters his sister Judith after she has sex with her boyfriend. Michael's leering looks and jealousy, and some of the more "sensitive" areas that he attacks, suggests something of an incestual attraction--which is definitely a new twist on the brother-sister relationship. In fact, at a later point in the book, Michael recalls her body as "pink, firm, with beautiful tight buttocks and round high breasts with jutting nipples"

At this point, it becomes obvious that the wandering spirit of Enda is what Michael's grandmother is inadvertently talking about when she discusses the Bogeyman. He had taken over nameless (to us) citizens in her hometown, then Nordstrom Myers, and finally Michael himself.

Following the murder (which we are all familiar with), we are privy to a few scenes of his trial, and details of his incarceration as related by Dr. Loomis. According to the good doctor, Michael has been known to act out brutal vengeance against members of the staff and other patients whom Michael feels have slighted him, but they are done in such a way that no proof of his involvement can be found. Because of Michael's reign of terror, everyone fears him and they go out of their way to keep him happy. So Michael rather likes it on the inside...

Which is why Michael does not attempt an escape for 15 years. As stipulated by the judge, when Michael Myers is 21, he is to be transferred to an actual prison, an idea he is not fond of. That's why he waits so long to make his getaway. And when Michael drives off in his car, Dr. Loomis speculates that someone may have given him driving lessons, just as he does in the movie, but in view of Michael's special treatment in the novelization, it makes much more sense here.

Once Michael makes his escape and returns to his hometown, we are for the most part done with the story through his eyes, and the tale takes us into more familiar territory. A few less-important--but still interesting--variations do crop up, though.

We are given a name for Michael's obsession with the Halloween holiday: Anniversary Syndrome, a very real disorder where mentally disturbed persons relive the events of the previous year's trauma on the anniversary of its events. Loomis, in a rather risky gamble, actually organizes a Halloween Party at the hospital while young Michael was still in his care, setting him up for incident to prove to the judge that he should not be released.

Michael's trademark look is described as such: Dark khaki mechanics coveralls, hair black, face powder white, with red lips and sunken purple eyes, a livid scar zig-zagging down his cheek--which is a close, but not exact, approximation of the figure we see on screen.

And, perhaps most disturbingly, we learn that Michael Myers has a throbbing erection while stalking Laurie Strode and her friends, and is clearly aroused while watching Annie undress. He can't even help but compare her to his deceased sister:

"Her legs weren't as long as Judy's, her buttocks were larger and filled the panties to straining, and she had a sensual bulge just over the crotch that made him breathe heavier with desire."

While I'm not usually a fan of novelizations, I was actually quite impressed with this one--and it may have just changed my outlook. It was a fast and satisfying read that kept me guessing, even though I knew exactly where it was heading. The variations in plot and deeper detail kept me interested throughout the entire page count, and I loved that we were given an insight into an otherwise mysterious character. Purists may not appreciate the linking of Michael's homicidal tendencies with an ancient Celtic curse, but when viewing many of the other films to come (chiefly Halloween 4-6, although also a few key scenes in Halloween 2), it really helps to pull it all together.

What is the curse of Enda, if not another name for the Curse of Thorn?

If you're looking for a variation of a favorite story, I highly recommend this book. IF you can find it for an affordable price. It goes for $80 or more on Amazon, so I suggest prowling used book stores until you find it on the cheap, like I did.

--J/Metro

Not Your Typical Halloween Merchandise

2011-10-31T13:01:00.006-05:00

Just some not-so-common Halloween merchandise that I've stumbled across at a few different sources. Click on the description for more information or to order. Prices were accurate at the time of this writing. I am affiliated with these sellers in no way, and I get nothing if you buy these. If you'd like to purchase an extra, and donate it to your favorite beatnik, well, who am I to say no?

Michael Myers Peg Doll ($15.00)

Michael Myers Hand-Painted Clown Mask ($40.00)

Halloween: The Evil Child Print ($15.00)

Michael Myers Life Size Prop ($698.95!)

Michael Myers Clown Prop ($39.99)

Haddonfield Hackers Baseball Jersey ($28.00)

Michael Myers: He's Nice Tee Shirt ($24.00)

Halloween Clown Mask Tee Shirt ($24.00)

Halloween: Speed Kills! Tee Shirt ($28.00)

Halloween: Rabbit In Red Lounge Tee Shirt ($28.00)

Halloween: Silver Shamrock Novelties Tee Shirt ($24.00)

Special Guest Post: A Gay Man's Take on Michael Myers

2011-10-31T12:01:00.025-05:00

A Gay Man’s Take on Michael Myers

A Special Guest Post by Jimmy S. Retro

It took me years to admit what my family knew to be obvious. Playing with my sisters’ dolls, and even sometimes dressing up as them, it was clear that I wasn't going to become a chick-swooning quarterback. That being said, it took a long while to feel comfortable in my own skin. In fact, I still periodically hide behind a pointless veil of sexual ambiguity just to avoid awkward situations. This leads me to Michael Myers and the expressionless mask behind which he hides.

I think back to the first time I watched the opening to Halloween. Even upon subsequent viewings, I’m still haunted by the mere shock of the killer being a masked child. It’s a truly classic horror scene. If those first five minutes were redone in a modern-day flick, it would still pack a huge shock-value punch. Not only does it show the unthinkable act of a murderous child, but it’s also stunning to see what a child could so brutally do to his own sister.

Throughout the rest of that movie and its many sequels, it’s easy to simply regard Michael Myers as a crazed, demonic, surreal serial killer. We see him as a masked grown up, with no verbal skills and a stoic, zombie-like presence. The focus tends to be more on the poor victims trying to get away rather than caring about who, exactly, Michael really is. Other than seeing Michael as a child in the opening scene of the first Halloween, we only know of Michael through what Dr Loomis tells us he. Beyond that, he might as well be a knife-wielding robot—and who knows?—maybe that’s who Michael will turn out to be in Halloween 34: Reboot. As it is, he has to be pushing 60 now, and yet he’s still walking up those attic steps and slanted roofs like a youthful Cirque du Soleil superstar.

I find that opening scene of young Michael especially poignant, however, not because of the astonishing revelation that our killer is a child; but because, in an odd way, I feel like I can relate to Michael’s humanity. Don’t worry. You don’t have to hide your kids and hide your wife (actually you’d only ever need to keep your husband away from my paws). Let me explain: This was the only time we really see Michael in his most vulnerable, human state. Realize too, that just a moment previous to this scene, he was likely perceived to be a normal little boy; and then something snapped. This is the closest of all times we see him as “normal”.

Now perhaps this family knew this kid was a tad whacked—just as my family probably knew I was a big ‘mo. But clearly they didn’t realize he was so unstable that they should have kept the sharp kitchen utensils hidden, and Michael under constant observation. For all intents and purposes, we can assume he was just a fun-loving kid in a clown costume. Come Halloween of ’63, he decided to try out killing for a change of pace (like how I decided to try out making out with my He-Man action figure that one adolescent summer day. Hmmm, I can still taste that glistening lemonade).

There’s no question this Myers fellow is completely bonkers. And I don’t know whether his biggest crime is all those murders or his severe lack of fashion sense. I mean, hello? All-black, Michael? An absolute fashion taboo! Thing is though, I too have suffered from bad fashion sense. All who know me can’t forget my suspender phase or my horrible sweater-vest Fridays. And personality wise, I’ve been on dates with near-catatonic guys that would make Michael seem like Pauly freakin’ Shore. At least Michael may have a kinky side to him with the whole masked thing. Although, my first preference would be Zorro.

Oops—sorry—I'm on a horrible tangent! My point is, in the least psychotic way possible, I feel I can relate to Michael a bit. At the very least, I’m suggesting that the audience have a bit more understanding of him.

Being a gay man, who too masks myself from people at times, I “get it”. With no family to speak of (of course that’s because he clearly likes to kill them), he wanders the world with a solid mission to repeatedly relive that puzzling moment that compelled him to stab his sister—just as I repeatedly relive in my mind what compelled me to like guys more than girls, and to question whether it’s nature or nurture. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a loving family. Being gay, however, disconnects me from the rest of my straight family members who all have heterosexual counterparts, their own children, and interests like the Broncos and the Rockies. Michael, too, is a loner who also has the same mystery surrounding him of nature versus nature. Did environmental forces lead him to who he became, or was there something genetic and chemical behind it all? As horrific as his first crime was, he was just a kid after all; and aren't kids protected by the innocence of youth? Perhaps being immediately locked away and drugged in a sanitarium for years wasn’t the best treatment for him. Maybe it kept him in a suspended state of murderous action. He may have thought he was playing a game. Just as I thought the hair I cut off my sister’s Barbie would grow back. If I was immediately locked away and drugged the first time I dreamed of sodomy, I might still find New Kids on the Block “hip”.

Michael committed his first act of insanity in 1963. This was the era of Twilight Zone and fantastic rumors of space exploration. His life was made up of childhood whimsy and fanciful playthings. He may have been confused as to what his sister’s boyfriend was doing to her upstairs in the bedroom. Maybe he didn’t understand quite what was going on. Feeling neglected, he might have thought, “hey this dude is penetrating her, so can I! And, I mean, who can blame him? What you can see of this bombshell, gay or straight, she’s definitely a delectable screw! So with penetration on Michael’s mind, he may have not known the difference between pleasurable penetration and the hurtful kind and simply thought, “Looks fun. Now where’s that butcher knife?”

I submit that he looked at it all as confusingly playful. What did Michael pick up and push aside right before he stabbed his sister, after all? A toy!

Flash forward past years of being shunned and now he lurks in dark corners, without the ability to make any legitimately loving human connection. Kind of how I feel at a techno club or during a bad hair day. If the best years of my life were taken away from me by being locked up and drugged, I would be in a murderous rage too! It would be like if I were forced to stay at Catholic school beyond my elementary years, while I really just wanted to go out and get pounded. (Actually, on second thought, I should have stayed at Catholic school. I’d show ‘em all something else that’s “holy”, if you know what I’m saying.)

My point in all of this is that it’s easy to disregard Michael as anything but a murdering hellion, just as it’s easy for society to look at me as nothing but one raging flamer. But, digging a little deeper will reveal two things:

1) I like deep-digging; and,
2) Michael may have some humanity in him, if only a small glimmer. Perhaps he just needs his own Annie Sullivan to get him to retreat mentally to a time before he went all stab-o.

For those who don’t know, Annie Sullivan was the teacher to deaf and blind Helen Keller, who lost her sight and hearing after an infection. Annie was the miracle worker who was able to get this practical child-animal to go within the recesses of her mind, to a time prior to her debilitating infliction, to recall the word “water”. Once Helen recalled “water”, she was able to be a human again. This unlocked her ability to learn to read, write, and make some intelligible verbal utterances.

The same might be possible for Mike. Dr. Loomis wasn’t quite an Annie Sullivan. He gave up on Michael instead of leading him to that proverbial well. If taken back to a time and place prior to whatever influenced him to kill, maybe Michael could have been restored to normalcy. Heck, maybe he might fancy me for being so understanding and would be able to put that knife down and ask me out for a date. At which point I’d have to politely decline.

I like my tricks and treats; and as good as this would seem, he’s too much of a stiff.

--Jimmy S. Retro

Halloween Fan Films by Chris R. Notarile

2011-10-31T11:01:00.005-05:00

As part of my Halloween Blogathon, I was going to do a post covering Halloween fan films, but I quickly came to a startling two-part discovery.

1) There are a lot of Halloween fan films.
2) Almost all of them suck.

But then I remembered that Chris R. Notarile of Blinky Productions, the man behind Methodic (the world's first basher film) is quite the fan-filmmaker himself. A quick look at his filmography proved that he had, indeed, shot a few of the types of films I was looking for. A very talented filmmaker who offers "High Quality Films...Without The Budget", Notarile showed me that I did not have to wade through the garbage to find the gems. I just had to know where to look.

Myers: Rise of the Boogie Man: "There's no such thing as the Boogie Man, Michael." Those famous last words are uttered by the doomed Judith Myers in this short, which takes place just minutes before the opening scene of the original Halloween. A young Michael Myers is trick-or-treating with his older sister when he is forced to confront the evil that will soon overtake him. Think of it as a ret-conned deleted scene. (WATCH IT NOW)

Halloween (Season): First time in 15 years that the town of Haddonfield, IL is allowed to celebrate Halloween. Julie Monroe and her boyfriend Bill become the latest targets of Michael Myers. Probably the best looking of all the films covered here. (WATCH IT NOW)

Friday the 31st - Michael Vs. Jason: Fleeing across America from his uncle Michael Myers, John Tate and his girlfriend stop off in a sleepy little town called Crystal Lake to fill up their tank. They run into Tommy Jarvis and his girlfriend, also on the run from their own masked killer (Jason Voorhees). Seeking shelter at Tommy's cabin, both madmen arrive at the same time and break into a fight to the death. Not a bad, movie, honestly, but the video is so dark (caused by internet compression, according to Notarile) that it is sometimes hard to watch. Some pretty brutal fight scenes, though. (WATCH IT NOW)

The Nightmare Ends On Halloween: Following the events of Freddy Vs. Jason, Freddy is stuck in limbo once again, but he thinks that he may be able to use Michael Myers as a puppet to do his bidding, just as he once did with Mr. Voorhees. Michael proves to have a stronger will than Jason did, however, and they end up duking it out in dreamland. Features an impressive cast of guest stars at the finale. (WATCH IT NOW)

The Last Halloween - The Death of Michael Myers: Taking place at some point in the future, when Michael Myers is sixty years old and has completed his quest of killing off everyone else in his bloodline, the masked killer suffers a breakdown, is verbally assaulted by his conscience (in the voice of Dr. Loomis), and finally gives up the ghost. (WATCH IT NOW)

--J/Metro

Halloween Part II [Fan Edit] (2009)

2011-10-31T10:01:00.002-05:00

Halloween Part II

(Fan Edit by ModernKnife)

Some enterprising young horror fan going by the moniker of ModernKnife watched the original Halloween, and thought that it was damn near perfect. The sequels, however, he felt left something to be desired--after Part 2, the audience was saddled with four increasingly-sad sequels that didn't even have Laurie Strode in it. Then Halloween H20 came out, returning us to the only victim that we ever really cared about, and she cropped up up again briefly in Halloween Resurrection.

Seeing a franchise that had meandered all over the map, ModernKnife decided to create his own sequel without ever picking up a camera. Using footage from every entry in the series that featured the character of Laurie Strode, he edited together a two-hour long movie that is a direct sequel to the theatrical version of the original Halloween, and follows Laurie Strode and her interactions with her brother from the age of 17 until the bloody end.

All extraneous bullshit has been cut out, and entire characters have been eliminated. And while this certainly won't replace your Halloween collection, it may make a nice addition to it. Don't have time for a full-on Halloween marathon? No problem. Just watch the original, followed by this fan-edit, and you'll pretty much end up at the same place.

Quality wise, it has its ups-and-downs. The majority of the film is comprised of Halloween 2 and H20.

Halloween 2 segment
Deleted scenes from the first film are seamlessly inserted here as flashbacks featuring Loomis and a young Michael Myers, and it's a much quicker, more tolerable ride. It's very Loomis-centric, which is a good thing. However, the hospital scenes are occasionally confusing--people just seem to randomly disappear as they are killed offscreen, and the final confrontation happens very suddenly. I think that either too much or not enough footage was cut.

H20 segment
This portion of the movie suffers from the same occasional confusion as the previous segment; but what is worse is the final 20 minutes or so of the flick when, for "artistic reasons" (the editor chose to replace the soundtrack with the original's musical cues for a more consistent feel), the sound effects--and on a few occasions the dialogue--drops off, replaced only with the soundtrack.

Overall, a pretty impressive experiment that could stand only a few minor improvements. Despite the occasional lapse, it managed to take footage from four distinctly different films and tell a pretty cohesive storyline, which was surely no easy feat.

Before anyone gets up in arms about copyright infringement, pirating and all that jazz, let me state my case here: I do not condone pirating, which is the equivalent of stealing from the creative minds behind books, movies, music, etc. and I have never, nor will I ever, review a pirated movie on this blog. However, I already own all of the sourced movies used in this fan edit, so everyone who was going to get money from them has already received it from me. In my mind, it's the equivalent of downloading an unofficial remix of your favorite song. It's not commercially available, so nobody is losing money from it. I could do a whole post on bootlegging vs. pirating and commercially available vs. not available, but I won't. At least not here.

--J/Metro

Halloween: The Inside Story (2010)

2011-10-31T09:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween: The Inside Story

Directed by Phil Nobile, Jr.

This "inside look" at John Carpenter's original Halloween airs occasionally on the Biography Channel, and if you ever have the opportunity to check it out, I highly suggest that you do. A two-hour documentary about the greatest slasher film ever made? Oh, hell yeah.

Talking to pretty much every living person who was associated with the film (even young Michael Myers, Tommy Doyle and Lindsey Wallace) must have been quite a feat, but all of them have something fascinating to add with very little repetition between them. It is, of course, broken up with voice over narration, clips from the film and stock footage, to keep things interesting.

For fans of the film, not everything here is going to be new information, but I can almost guarantee that there will be at least a few tidbits that you didn't already know. Far more interesting and informative than a simple commentary track would be, Halloween: The Inside Story gives us a peek not only into the making of the film, but also life for the cast and crew before the movie and after it.

Particularly great moments cover the construction of Michael Myer's mask (and what the mask MIGHT have looked like if they had gone with one of their other choices), and of course the infamous themesong, going so far as to demonstrate how much less effective the movie was before it was scored.

I could easily have gotten upset that the sequels were barely touched on, as they seem to get very little coverage, but that would have taken time away from covering the original (and most important) film in the series. Although I wouldn't be opposed to a follow up that covered each of the sequels in turn.

I'll admit that I haven't seen the other two "big" documentaries about Halloween--25 Years of Terror and A Cut Above the Rest--so I can't compare them, but I can heartily suggest you try to catch this doc the next time it airs, as it doesn't seem to be available on DVD.

2010
Not Rated
120 Minutes (with commercials)
Color
English
United States

--J/Metro

Halloween II (2009)

2011-10-31T08:01:00.001-05:00

NOTE: This is a re-posting of a review published a few years ago. I don't typically do re-postings, but this review fits the theme of this year's blogathon. Besides, have you ever tried to come up with 24 posts about a single character? This fills in one more slot on the schedule.

Halloween II

Written & Directed by Rob Zombie

Michael Myers...Tyler Man
Young Michael Myers...Chase Wright Vanek
Deborah Myers...Sheri Moon Zombie
Laurie Strode...Scout Taylor-Compton

Michael Myers returns from the silken robes of Death in this sequel, only to begin seeing ghostly images of his deceased mother and a pale white horse--don't ask me why, because it's never really made clear. It's also never made clear why he hides out in the country for a full year before returning to his hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois to once again continue his rein of terror and serial slaughter. His most anticipated victim is, of course, his estranged baby sister Laurie Strode who has taken a job at some pot-head coffee shop, suffers from night terrors, and alsohas inexplicable visions of her birth mother and the pale white horse. Dr. Loomis, as expected, returns, hot on the heels of his latest Myers tell-all book, and has become something of a boogie man himself in the public eye. Not to mention a Grade A asshole.

As in most slasher sequels, Rob Zombie has done away with any real semblance of a storyline and instead jumps right into the killing. Unfortunately, the deaths aren't especially inventive and, at least in the print I saw at the drive-in, often times too dark to really tell what was going on. The whole 'Ghost of Mama' angle, not to mention the White Horse, reeked of symbolism that isn't especially clear, as Zombie attempts to posthumously return a little bit of the mystery that he dispelled so recklessly in the original.

It wasn't a death knell for me that the original actor who played young Michael Myers was replaced, but I wasn't keen on the fact that Michael now grunts audibly while killing. I miss the silent murder machine that we have grown to love and fear.

Overall, this sequel was, to me, even more disappointing than Zombie's first stab at the franchise. But we fans have to realize that although they can remake and/or sequelize our favorite films to death, they can't take away the power of the original. This rebooted world of horror is the equivalent of the Ultimate Universe in Marvel Comics: Classic characters stretched to the breaking point and placed under a post-modern microscope for the viewing pleasure of a younger generation. And if we don't like it, we simply don't have to watch it.

But we probably will anyway.

2009
Rated R
105 Minutes
Color
English
United States

--J/Metro

Halloween (2007)

2011-10-31T07:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween

Written & Directed by Rob Zombie

Michael Myers (age 10)...Daeg Faerch
Michael Myers (adult)...Tyler Mane
Laurie Strode...Scout Taylor-Compton
Dr. Loomis...Malcolm McDowell

There's no denying the fact that Rob Zombie has fallen down a few pegs since his band broke up, and realizing this, he decided to take it out on his favorite genre by taking one of its most beloved icons and knocking him down a few pegs as well. I guess what they say is true: Misery loves company.

In this film, Michael Myers is re-imagined by Zombie as a bullied, chubby little bastard whose mother is a stripper, older sister is the Haddonfield tramp, and step-father is a drunken white trash piece of shit who lusts after the "pooper" of his own underage step-daughter. This ain't Family Ties. This ain't The Cosby Show. Hell, this ain't even Married With Children. This is Roseanne on crack, so it's no wonder that the young Mr. Myers is such a fucked up individual that he slaughters his whole family, and gets tossed into the asylum only to emerge later as a hulking silent killer after the sole surviving family member: Baby Boo, now known as Laurie Strode.

We all know the story, because we've all seen the original (and if you haven't, I'm fully prepared to strip you of your Horror Merit Badge, you poser!). So why bother with a remake anyway? As always, one can make the argument that Monsieur Zombie wanted only to expose the legend to a new generation, to bring it into the modern age. Blah blah blah. But the truth of it is that it's not so difficult when watching the original to get past a few feathered bangs. This was an unnecessary remake to be sure, but that doesn't mean that it couldn't be good. Look at the remakes of Dawn of the Dead and The Hills Have Eyes--but do your best to look away from Psycho and 13 Ghosts.

When watching a remake of such an iconic film, you go in with a certain level of expectation, and the first time I watched this movie, I walked out sorely disappointed. Zombie's Halloween is just as much a character study as it is a slasher or horror pic, so gone is the enigma that was John Carpenter's The Shape. Here, Zombie is just as obsessed with determining what makes Michael Myers tick as Dr. Loomis ever was. The entirety of the curtain was stripped away, and we were all disappointed when we could see the puppeteers pulling the strings of our favorite marionette (to stretch an analogy).

Then, just recently, I watched this again on DVD. Going in with my hopes and expectations stripped away just like the mystery of the character, I was able to see this for what it was, rather than for what it should have or could have been. I found that it was more enjoyable thinking of it like this: The original Halloween was the story through the eyes of Laurie Strode. The remake is the story through the eyes of Michael Myers. If you don't like it, just accept the fact that it takes nothing away from the original. Just like a cheaply made fan-film, which is essentially what this is.

That isn't to say that it wasn't disappointing, because it was. But I'm not quite sure what we, the genre fans, expect. If you stick too close to the source (i.e., Psycho), we're disappointed. If you stray too far, we're disappointed too. I just can't help but wonder if we would have been so upset had this been yet another sequel, rather than the beginning of a rebooted franchise.

And, hey, it could be worse. They could have sent him into space.

2007
Rated R/Unrated
109 minutes/121 minutes
Color
English
United States

"Trick or Treat, baby!"
--J/Metro

Halloween 8: Resurrection (2002)

2011-10-31T06:01:00.005-05:00

Halloween 8: Resurrection

Written by Larry Brand and Sean Hood
Directed by Rick Rosenthal

Laurie Strode...Jamie Lee Curtis
Sara Moyer...Bianca Kajlich
Jen...Katee Sackhoff
Freddie...Busta Rhymes
Michael Myers...Brad Loree

If you haven't seen this entry in the Halloween series yet, then you might not want to read this review. Because I am going to spoil the shit out of this bitch.

What better way to celebrate a new entry in the franchise than to totally ruin it!? We start off with the required explanation of just how Michael Myers survived being beheaded by his sister Laurie Strode at the end of H20--turns out he placed his mask on an injured paramedic, and so it was an innocent man that Laurie killed. Rather ingenious, actually. So far, so good.

Next we learn that Laurie has now been institutionalized due to her "extreme dissociative disorder" which developed following the events of the previous movie, and that she hasn't spoken a word since then. She looks a little worse for the wear, too, but there's still a glimmer in her eye that makes us think she's not as crazy as the doctors seem to think she is. That maybe, just maybe, she's hiding out in the hospital for protection because she knows her big brother is still out there, and that sooner or later he's going to come for her.

And he does, leading to an extremely disappointing ending to a beloved character that deserved so much better. It was bad enough when Laurie Strode "died" in a car accident after only two appearances in the series (before H20 lazily retconned parts 4-6 from existence), but even worse that she is killed again--for real this time, apparently--after she has grown into an even more iconic figure.

As we all know, Michael's obsession with slaughter doesn't begin and end with his sister. As demonstrated in the aforementioned Halloween 4 through Halloween 6, and again in Halloween H20, he is out to destroy the Strode bloodline. Last time we saw him, he had been dormant for 20 years, and only came out of retirement because Laurie's son John Tate was now 17...the same age that Judith Myers was when Michael killed her, and the same age that Laurie was when Michael first came after her. Now that he has successfully murdered Laurie, the next logical step would be for him to go after John. And were that the case, I could forgive the death of Laurie Strode, as this would have been a new chapter in the Strode storyline (like Part 4 was initially, with Laurie's now-erased daughter Jamie). But instead, Michael seems to have completely forgotten about John's existence.

He returns to his childhood home (where, we later learn, he has apparently been living out all these years in some heretofore unseen secret sub-basement or some such shit), where he finds a whole posse of trespassers to be killed off one-by-one.

Freddie Harris and his partner Nora (Flipmode rapper Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks; yes, you read that right), the brain-children behind Dangertainment--dangerous entertainment, one would assume--are launching a new internet-broadcast reality show which drops six college students into the old Myers House on Halloween night, seeking answers to why Michael Myers did what he did. Each of the six investigators wear a POV camera, so the traditional camerawork is interspersed with painfully grainy footage from their point of view. It's Halloween by way of Blair Witch. Only worse than that sounds.

Dangertainment is something of a shady enterprise, so for the first half of the movie the investigators (and we the audience) stumble upon what appear to be revelations--an infant's high chair with a padlock on it, a coloring book demonstrating young Michael's emotional damage, etc--but are actually only cheap movie props. It's a cocktease to the audience, and it doesn't go over well.

There's a lot of technology on display here, as well, which is never a good idea for either a movie or television show, because it becomes instantly outdated. Interestingly enough, the only way to do a film that spotlights technology without it seeming archaic is by doing it years and years after the fact, going for the nostalgia angle--i.e., Super 8. But Halloween Resurrection is going for a cutting-edge sort of feel, though it probably wasn't even cutting edge when it was new nearly a decade ago. Our heroine (and I use that term loosely), a literal scream queen, keeps in contact with her love-interest via some bizarre teletype-like text messaging system on her phone that appears one letter at a time as he types it on his side.

I should also note that her love interest is some underclassman tech geek watching the whole story unfold on the internet. The two of them have never actually met, and he's been lying to her the entire time they've been chatting online. One would assume that the two of them would meet up at the end, she would forgive his transgressions, and the two would fall in love. Nope. The two never meet during the movie, making his character completely superfluous.

The characterization was weak on all fronts, but Busta Rhymes--no matter your opinion on his music--is a much better rapper than an actor. He is essentially playing himself here, just using a different name, and it must have been in his contract that he could play a badass. Unbelievably, Busta drops some cartoonish Kung Fu on Michael Myers...and lives to tell the fucking tale! Now that's an atrocity.

Overall, this was a groan-inducing experience, the script was poor, and the whole production lacked a lot of logic. Ultimately, they should have just left good enough alone with H20, and this was the death of the franchise.

Until Rob Zombie's controversial reboot. But that's a whole 'nother story.

2002
Rated R
94 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Trick or treat, motherfucka!"
--J/Metro

Halloween 7: H20 (1998)

2011-10-31T05:01:00.004-05:00

Halloween 7: H20

Written by Robert Zappia & Matt Greenberg
Directed by Steve Miner

Keri Tate...Jamie Lee Curtis
John Tate...Josh Hartnett
Charles...Adam Hann-Byrd
Molly...Michelle Williams
Sarah...Jodi Lyn O'Keefe

In a lazy bit of bullshit storytelling, Halloween H20 picks up 20 years after the events of part 1 and 2, pretending that none of the other sequels ever happened. We find Laurie Strode living under an assumed name (Keri Tate) and working as headmistress/literature teacher at the posh Hillcrest Academy in Summer Glen, California, where her 17 year old son John is also a student.

It's taken a long time for us to catch up to Laurie...and it's taken her estranged brother Michael Myers equally as long. But now that he's found her, he's looking to put an end to the Myers bloodline once and for all, John Tate included.

First Jason took Manhattan.
Now Michael takes Dawson Creek!

A lot has changed in the past 20 years, not just in the lives of the characters but in slasher films. The genre has been done to death and been resurrected more times than Michael Myers himself, and this addition to the franchise was released in the wake of Scream--the original script treatment was even written by Kevin Williamson. So it should come as no surprise that there are a handful of self-aware moments here, although thankfully not so many that it becomes distracting: there are references to other horror flicks, some stunt casting (although the appearance of Jamie Lee Curtis' real life mother is easily forgiven), and pulls from the original Halloween--a couple of scenes, including the closet scene and sending "the kids" to the neighbor's house are recreated with slight twists. Although a direct sequel, this is definitely a Halloween for a modern audience.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, despite the transformation into a modern horror film, H20 successfully captures the suspense and tone of the original on occasion, more so than even Part 2.

It truly does piss me off that such a large chunk of the franchise was erased with this entry, when just a few lines of dialogue could have tied the majority of the other films into this one. You're seriously going to retcon away three whole movies? What is this, DC Comics? It's also slightly damaging to the Michael Myers character as well, as he seems slightly less threatening having only struck once in the past two decades. And to have erased most of Dr. Loomis' adventures is simply heresy.

Regardless, it's still a worthy follow up to the Laurie Strode saga, and would have been (should have been) a worthy finale to the franchise.

But Hollywood can never resist raking in an extra buck or two, even if it means wrecking a perfectly good property...

1998

Rated R

86 Minutes

Color

English

United States

--J/Metro

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

2011-10-31T04:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

Written by Daniel Farrands
Directed by Joe Chappelle

Tommy Doyle...Paul Rudd
Dr. Loomis...Donald Pleasance
Danny Strode...Devin Gardner
Kara Strode...Marianne Hagan
Michael Myers...George P. Wilbur

"When Michael Myers was 6 years old he stabbed his sister to death. For years he was locked up in Smith's Grove Sanitarium, but he escaped. And suddenly, Halloween become another name for mayhem. One by one, he killed his entire family until his 9 year old niece Jamie Lloyd was the only one left alive. Six years ago, Halloween night, Michael and Jamie vanished. Many believe them dead, but I think that someone hid them away; someone that keeps Michael, protects him, tries to control him. But if there's one thing I know, you can't control evil. You can lock it up, you can burn it and bury it, pray that it dies, but it never will. It just rests a while. You can lock your doors, and say your prayers at night, but the evil's out there, waiting. Maybe, just maybe, it's closer than you think."--Tommy Doyle

Jamie Lloyd, now an adult and prisoner of the Thorn Cult run by the mysterious man in black from the previous entry, gives birth to a child. With the help of a sympathetic nurse, Jamie and her newborn son escape, pursued by Michael Myers.

Dr. Looms is invited by Dr. Wynn to come out of retirement and return to Smith's Grove, which surprisingly coincides with Michael's return. Even Tommy Doyle gets in on the plot here, living next door to Michael's childhood house currently occupied by members of the Strode family.

The Thorn cult wants the baby. Tommy and Dr. Loomis want Michael. And Michael...well, he wants everyone. Dead.

Dr. Loomis is getting up there in years, but the man's still got it, delivering his lines with the passion (i.e., obsession) that we have come to expect. It's too bad that he wasn't given all that much to do, but I suspect they were worried that new audiences wouldn't buy this old gentleman Ahab-ing his way against an unstoppable killing machine. From the looks of it, Tommy Doyle (a brooding and occasionally intense Paul Rudd) was all primed to take over the role as Michael's hunter--a natural character evolution that makes sense to me.

This movie fills in the questions initially posed in part 5, and the Curse/Cult of Thorn are used as a means to explain Michael's motivations. Many fans of the series despise this plot device, because they feel that Michael was scarier before his motivations were explained. And rightly so. But the fact is that this is Michael's fifth feature film...he isn't all that scary at this point anyway. This was an attempt at reinvigorating the character and the series.

As for the Curse of Thorn itself, the seeds of this idea were first seen in the novelization of the original Halloween, so the concept was nothing new. And I like that it ties that book directly into canon.

At least until the next sequel, which pretends that parts 4-6 never happened--which is just lazy storytelling, if you ask me. I would rather have a remake than a retcon. If you don't like the direction a franchise has taken, you don't delete the past, you write around it. It would only have taken a few pages of creative storytelling to tie ALL of the previous films into H20.

The Curse of Michael Myers gets a lot of flack from fans. It's far from perfect, but not nearly as bad as everyone seems to think it is. I would welcome another movie--or hell, even a book--that finishes off this storyline and connects it to the next two films.

1995
Rated R
88 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Wear crotchless panties and bark like a dog."
--J/Metro

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

2011-10-31T03:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Written by Michael Jacobs, Dominique Othenin-Girard, & Shem Bitterman
Directed by Dominique Othenin-Girard

Sam Loomis...Donald Pleasance
Jamie Lloyd...Danielle Harris
Rachel Carruthers...Ellie Cornell
Tina Williams...Wendy Foxworth
Michael Myers...Don Shanks

Michael Myers once again survives his apparent death at the end of the previous entry, and spends a year unconscious under the care of some hermit, who is quickly killed for his troubles as soon as Michael awakens on October 30th the following year.

Jamie, meanwhile, has been placed in a children's psychiatric hospital following her attack on her foster mom, and has lost her ability to speak due to emotional trauma. Michael, of course, returns to Haddonfield once again, to finish the job he started--and this means trouble for not only Jamie, but her foster sister Rachel, and Rachel's best friend Lisa (plus a host of other fodder for the slaughter).

The fact that Jamie stabbed her foster mom at the end of Part 4 is all but swept under the rug here. However, the psychic link established previously between Jamie and Michael plays more heavily into the plot this time around, but still is never explained. If anything, it seems like Michael and Laurie would have had the connection...but maybe it skips a generation?

So with every murder, Jamie sees and/or feels everything that her uncle does, which would probably make her head explode with post-modern meta feedback if he ever managed to get ahold of her.

(*MINOR SPOILER ALERT* Was I the only one who thought it odd that Jamie was infinitely more concerned with the possibility of Lisa's death than she was with the actuality of Rachel's death?)

Dr. Loomis is in rare form this time around, almost completely consumed by his obsession with stopping The Shape, so much so that he's not against taking out his frustrations on the emotionally scarred Jamie. But at least the police have finally learned to listen to Loony Loomis--not that it does any good. The Haddonfield police department must have run out of recruits after the previous year's decimation of their ranks, because they're weighed down by a pair of bumbling "comic relief" deputies who are so inept that they have their own clownish theme music. Their buffoonery really gets in the way of any fear and suspense may have otherwise been on display.

There's also a mysterious Man In Black (no, sadly it's not Johnny Cash) who passes through a few mysterious scenes quite in the most mysterious manner, whose sole purpose is to mysteriously show up at the film's finale and make you say, "Uhh...what the fuck!?", ruining what would otherwise have been a passable (but far from great) entry in the franchise.

1989

Rated R

96 Minutes

Color

English

United States

"Maybe you guys are already naked!"

--J/Metro

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

2011-10-31T02:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Written by Alan B. McElroy
Directed by Dwight H. Little

Dr. Sam Loomis...Donald Pleasance
Jamie Lloyd...Danielle Harris
Rachel Carruthers...Ellie Cornell
Michael Myers...George P. Wilbur

It's been ten years since the events of Halloween 1 and 2, and Michael Myers (who somehow survived the explosion at the finale of the previous entry) has been imprisoned at the Ridgemont Federal Sanitarium, a bandaged invalid cared for by the doctors there but watched over by the untrusting eye of Dr. Loomis (who also somehow survived the explosion). The federal government, geniuses that they are, decide to transfer Michael back to Smith's Grove...on October 30th, of all days.

A few murders and a car crash later, Michael Myers is in route back to Haddonfield to find the last surviving member of his bloodline. No, not Laurie Strode--she died in some unspecified manner not too long ago--but Laurie's daughter Jamie...Michael's niece, who has been taken in by the Carruthers family.

Having been both in a vegetative state and out of the public eye for a decade, Michael had to somewhat reinvent himself here. Initially found with his face countenance completely obscured by bandages--his cocoon, one might say--as soon as he learns of the existence of his niece, he emerges from his vegetative state with new wings.

That's right. I compared Michael Myers to a butterfly.

He once again kills a mechanic for his coveralls in a nod to the original film, and steals a new version of his trademark mask from the local drugstore.

Speaking of the mask, something seems a little off about it here. I can't place my finger on it, but it seems somehow stiffer. More of a prop than a second skin. But maybe it's just me.

On a side note, how dumb can the people of Haddonfield be? It's not bad enough that nobody ever believes Dr. Loomis when he says Michael is back until it's too late; but don't you think they would stop selling the Michael Myers mask by now? How many innocent people need to be killed by accident before they're pulled off the shelf!?

True enough, the "psychic link" (or whatever) that Jamie initially seems to share with her uncle is never really explored or explained, and is practically dropped as soon as it's introduced. And sure, the local yokel lynch mob that Loomis helps to incite doesn't really do ad much as it seems like they should. And yes, Michael Myers has lost a great deal of his mystique and has turned into something of a Jason Voorhees clone.

But so what? We all knew going in that this wasn't going to be the classic that the original was. Nothing will be.

I, for one, was thrilled to see the return of Michael Myers after the affront-to-the-franchise that was Halloween III. I know this entry doesn't top anyone's list, but I thoroughly enjoyed it for what it was: a slasher flick in the classic vein.

1988
Rated R
88 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Jesus ain't got nothin' to do with this place."
--J/Metro

Halloween 2 (1981)

2011-10-31T01:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween 2

Written by John Carpenter & Debra Hill

Directed by Rick Rosenthal

Laurie Strode...Jamie Lee Curtis
Dr. Loomis...Donald Pleasance
Jimmy...Lance Guest
Michael "The Shape" Myers...Dick Warlock

Whereas the original Halloween was obviously a work of love, affectionately crafted by people who were passionately connected to the project, this sequel comes off as something of a cash grab. But does that mean it's a bad film?

No. A lesser film, sure, but not all together bad.

Picking up exactly where the previous film left off, Laurie Strode is taken to the hospital to have her injuries cared for, while Dr. Loomis continues his pursuit of Michael Myers. Little Mikey isn't too keen on being captured, though, as he still has a few hours worth of Halloween killing left to do.

The action, the bloodshed, and the body count have all been ratcheted up in this sequel, although a few things are sacrificed as well. While the original wasn't exactly what you would call a plot-heavy film, it's even less so here; or, at the very least, it seems that way because it's a rehash of old things played out in a new location.

While Halloween was fresh (at the time), things already seem rather paint-by-numbers by the time you get to the sequel. It's something of a generic slasher film, albeit one held high by the characters involved.

Michael Myers is still imposing, brutally slaughtering practically everyone that he comes in contact with; but he's become the star of the show and we see more of him than we should, so he's no longer as terrifying as he once was. Dr. Loomis still cuts an impressive cloth, as well, as he takes command of the situation and every scene that he appears in. Laurie Strode, doped up and injured as she is for the entirety of the movie, is even more vulnerable here. She's weaker than before, which means she's a less powerful foe for Michael, but the fact that she survives nonetheless speaks volumes of her inner strength.

We care less about the other characters this time around, as a large chunk of them are obviously just one-dimensional fodder for the slaughter. The possible exception is Jimmy, the EMT with a minor crush on Laurie.

This is the entry where we first learn that Laurie Strode is actually Michael Myers' little sister--although she's never informed of this herself. She must learn it somewhere after the finale, though, because she's well aware of it the next time we see her in Halloween H20.

There's a scene that takes place in a class room that I don't completely understand, when Loomis and the police are investigating a break-in believed to have been perpetrated by Michael Myers: first of all, why would he break into the school? Even if he did used to attend classes there, what did he have to gain by breaking in? Second of all, it seems awful out of character for him to write "Samhain" on the chalkboard, even if he does do so in blood. Still, this is the first hint that the evil lurking within Michael Myers goes deeper than we initially thought, opening up story lines for later sequels.

All in all, a much less-inspired but still solid entry in the franchise, which goes down even smoother if watched immediately following part one.

1981
Rated R
92 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Amazing Grace/come sit on my face/don't make me cry/I need your pie..."
--J/Metro

Halloween (1978)

2011-10-31T00:01:00.001-05:00

Halloween

Written by John Carpenter & Debrah Hill
Directed by John Carpenter

Michael "The Shape" Myers...Nick Castle
Laurie Strode...Jamie Lee Curtis
Sam Loomis...Donald Pleasance
Annie Brackett...Nancy Kyes

What's there to say about John Carpenter's slasher masterpiece that hasn't already been said? Not much, really.

Everyone by now is aware of the general story, either through this film or Rob Zombie's 2007 reinterpretation: On Halloween night in 1963, in the sleepy town of Haddonfield, Illinois, six year old Michael Myers, clad in his clown costume, brutally murders his teenage sister Judith with a butcher knife. He is apprehended and sent to a mental institution, where he is placed under the care of Dr. Samuel Loomis.

Michael is not heard from again for 15 years, until he escapes from the hospital and returns to his hometown on the anniversary of his first murder, as a hulking, silent killer in a fright mask. He stalks and slashes local teen Laurie Strode and her friends, while Loomis pursues him, desperate to make local law enforcement realize the danger that they're dealing with.

As a film, it is, admittedly, flawed. But as a slasher flick, it's damn near pitch perfect.

A few minor lapses in logic--most famously, how does Michael Myers learn how to drive?--are easily overlooked. The plot is a bit thin, but the strength of the characters supersede this. The motivations and mentality of Michael Myers are a complete mystery, which is equal parts frustrating and terribly fitting. With Rob Zombies remake, we all saw what happens when you look too close behind the mask: it kills the mystery, damages the mythology.

Halloween may not have been the absolute birth of the slasher film (that distinction probably belongs to Mario Bava's Twitch of the Death Nerve, and Bob Clark's Black Christmas), but it did define the template that would forever after rule the sub-genre.

It also gave us three enduring cinematic icons, all in one movie! Laurie Strode, the penultimate Final Girl (who we ultimately get to see grow into one of cinema's few Final Women later in the franchise); Dr. Sam Loomis, our Ahab figure, whose obsession with hunting the hunter eventually comes to rule his existence; and, of course, Michael Myers himself, the remorseless and unstoppable killer ruled by his own animal instincts and living life enshrouded by shadows and legend.

One can't discuss Halloween without making mention of the theme, a haunting score perhaps rivaled only in effectiveness and recognition by the one from Hitchcock's Psycho.

Ultimately, Halloween is probably the greatest slasher movie ever made. And beyond that, one of the best horror movies ever made. Period.

If you haven't seen it, I can't help but wonder: are you sure you're at the right web page?

1978
Rated R
91 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"It's Halloween. Everyone's entitled to one good scare."
--J/Metro

Announcing the Midnite Media Halloween Blogathon 2011!

2011-10-27T12:57:00.000-05:00

I'm pleased to announce the Third Annual Midnite Media Halloween Blogathon!

October 31, 2011.

Starting at Midnight.

24 Hours.

24 Posts.

Varying Quality.

Guaranteed.

In previous years, it's been just a mishmash of material.

This year?

All Michael Myers.

All the time.

...stay tuned...

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 01: Battleground (2006)

2011-10-21T18:03:00.000-05:00

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Ep. 01: Battleground

Hitman Jason Renshaw (William Hurt) promptly disposes of his latest target, Hans Morris, the executive of a major toy manufacturer. Another job successfully completed, he collects his cash and returns home. But when he gets there, he finds a package waiting for him--an ammo box full of toy soldiers, those little green men that have been tortured and destroyed by young boys for decades. They are, apparently, pretty pissed off about their lot in life, because they've brought some pretty heavy artillery, and they're shooting to kill.

Hitman versus toy soldiers may seem pretty far-fetched...and that's because it is; especially since no real explanation is given regarding their existence. But if you're willing to suspend disbelief for an hour, you'll probably dig on this pilot episode as much as I did.

Hurt as Renshaw did a remarkable job, and there was some pretty great special effects and miniatures work. Not what I would call scary by any stretch of the imagination (except maybe for that last surviving soldier; that cat was harsh), but a lot of clever action to keep you entertained.

One thing you should know about this episode, though, is that it would be a silent movie if there wasn't so much noise. Meaning that there is NO dialogue whatsoever, just background noise and (eventually) a musical score. It makes it pretty easy to get distracted at first, but once the real action kicks in, I doubt you'll even be glancing away from the screen.

--J/Metro

Damned by Chuck Palahniuk Drops Today!

2011-10-18T07:31:00.000-05:00

Damned, the new book by Chuck Palahniuk (the hardest surname on the planet, in my opinion), drops today! I've read a number of the man's books, and enjoyed all of them (especially Lullabye), so I'm looking forward to what the author has described as "if The Shawshank Redemption had a baby by The Lovely Bones and it was raised by Judy Blume." Purchase the hardcover from Amazon, or the Kindle edition, or do the world a favor and go buy it from a locally owned bookstore, if your hometown is graced with one.

From the Amazon page:

Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Madison. I’m just now arrived here, in Hell, but it’s not my fault except for maybe dying from an overdose of marijuana. Maybe I’m in Hell because I’m fat—a Real Porker. If you can go to Hell for having low self-esteem, that’s why I’m here. I wish I could lie and tell you I’m bone-thin with blond hair and big ta-tas. But, trust me, I’m fat for a really good reason.

“To start with, please let me introduce myself . . .”

What are you waiting for? Get to reading, people!
--J/Metro

Double Dexter Drops Tomorrow!

2011-10-17T18:00:00.000-05:00

Heya, Hipsters!

Just a reminder that Double Dexter, the latest book in the Dexter series by Jeff Lindsay drops TOMORROW. So guzzle that coffee and get thine ass to the bookstore!

--J/Metro

Random Halloween Imagery

2011-10-15T05:54:00.001-05:00

High Tension (2003)

2011-10-14T14:44:00.000-05:00

High Tension

Written by Alexandre Aja & Grégory Levasseur
Directed by Alexandre Aja

Marie...Cécile De France
Alex...Maïwenn Le Besco
La Tueur (The Killer)...Philippe Nahon

College girls Marie and Alex head to Alex's family's country home for a little uninterrupted study time. It's interrupted almost right off the bat, though, when a lunatic auto mechanic breaks into the house and kills everyone except for Alex (whom he ties up and takes in his truck) and Marie (whom he never even finds).

Marie, desperate to save her friend (and secret lesbian crush), pursues him, first by stowing away in the back of his truck and later by chasing him down in a soiled up muscle car.

This movie has everything a guy could want: lesbians, masturbation, lots of gruesome kills, copious bloodshed, tension (of the high variety, apparently), suspense, action, car chases...and boobs.

The killer is quite menacing in a psychotic blue collar sort of way, not talking much but grunting and snorting a lot, occasionally chuckling dementedly. Marie is a fine heroine, pixie-like but strong and capable, like a slasher version of Sigourney Weaver's Ripley. For the most part, we don't have the time to get to know the victims, so we don't care much when they're killed. All that we care about is whether or not Marie can successfully save Alex...and whether or not they'll kiss at the end.

Truth be told, the first time I saw this movie, I fucking loved it...right up until the forced "twist" ending that pretty much ruined everything that had come before it.

(***FAKE SPOILER ALERT: Bruce Willis is really a ghost!***)

Re-watching it proves problematic with the knowledge that you didn't have the first time around. You more easily notice the gaping plot holes and utter impossibilities, and it's exceedingly difficult to lose yourself in the movie.

I can suspend disbelief without problem. But I can not suspend logic.

Thoughts?

2003
NC-17
91 Minutes
Color
French (English dubbed)
France

"I won't let anyone come between us anymore."
--J/Metro

Help Kickstart 86 Plots Graphic Novel!

2011-10-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

Writers Colin Bryan and Emily Kieson, along with artist Kelsey Shannon, are seeking funding for their graphic novel 86 Plots, which is described as "a mix of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Sherlock Holmes, and Scooby Doo"--two of which are, quite frankly, a few of my favorite things. The pencils for the 202-page project are all complete, and they just need to finish up the inks and coloring. How about helping them get over the hump? Click HERE to visit the Kickstarter page, where you can donate a little scratch--and get a little swag in exchange.

The first 21 (completed) pages are available for preview at the Kickstarter website, so I encourage you to check them out, at least. Although you can't get a firm grasp on where the story will be going, the soft-washed artwork looks fantastic and it should be a hell of a ride.

Support indie publishing, hipsters!
--J/Metro

Zombie Science 1Z by Dr. Austin

2011-10-12T12:32:00.000-05:00

Zombie Science 1Z

by Dr. Austin

This book purports to be a textbook of sorts for a fictional institute dedicated to the theory of zombieism, written by one Dr. Austin. It is broken into three "modules":

Module 1: the zombieism condition

Module 2: the zombieism causes

Module 3: preventing & curing zombieism

Grounded in reality and in actual science--this is not one of those books that pretends zombies are real, but rather poses a "what if...?" type of scenario--Zombie Science 1Z is a thinking-man's zombie book, albeit one with a bit of a cheeky sense of humor.

Dr. Austin deconstructs the zombie myth, tearing apart how the walking dead are commonly depicted in the media, and rebuilding it from scratch with a basis in scientific fact. He posits that whatever the cause of zombieism is, it would have to be something that attacked and altered the brain, causing the symptoms that we commonly think of when discussing zombies--i.e., shuffling walk, distinctive moan, and all-consuming hunger.

Regarding the causes, Dr. Austin puts the kibosh on radiation and magic, but states that it could be brought on by a variation of rabies or, more likely, a new strain of prion (rogue protein) disease.

When it comes to prevention and cure of zombieism, well...I'm not going to give up the goods here. If you want the facts, you gotta pay to see.

This is something of a strange book, taking a factual look at a strictly fictional condition. Despite the attempts at humor (some of which fall flat) Zombie Science 1Z is a far more interesting book than it is an entertaining one--which may work against it in some people's eyes.

Had it taken itself only slightly more seriously or slightly less seriously, it would have been more successful, but its rather schizophrenic format taxed my patience at times. Thankfully it ran only 136 pages, as anything longer would have proved too much for the concept to stand up.

But, if you ever get bored, there's a nifty little "flip-book" animation printed in the lower right hand corner of the book, showing a pair of silhouettes dancing MJ Thriller-style. There's also a website that gives a touch of interactivity to the proceedings, where you can take an online test to receive your "degree" (I'm currently waiting for mine to arrive in my inbox). So hearty kudos to Dr. Austin for giving you even more bang for your buck.

Purchase the paperback or the Kindle edition from Amazon.com.

--J/Metro

Wolf Creek (2005)

2011-10-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

Wolf Creek

Written & Directed by Greg McLean

Mick Taylor...John Jarratt
Liz Hunter...Cassandra Magrath
Kristy Earl...Kesti Morassi
Ben Mitchell...Nathan Phillips

A suave young bloke and the two good-looking sheilas that he's traveling the Aussie countryside with stop at the Wolf Creek Meteor Crater for a little adventure. After a three hour hike, the weather gives out; their luck goes from bad to worse when they discover that not only have their watches mysteriously stopped working, but their car has as well.

Luckily a friendly (albeit eccentric) cowboy character stumbles upon them, and offers them a tow back to his place, where he promises to fix them up free of charge. As he repairs the car, the trio fall asleep by a campfire, and when they wake up, they're separated from each other, bound and gagged, and all prepped for torture.

Bit of a bugger, that.

Something like Texas Chainsaw Massacre without Texas. And without the chainsaw. The outback makes a suitable stand-in for the rural backroads of Texas, though, even if the culmination is more Hostel than Leatherface in the long run.

Supposedly based on true events, that's a marketing ploy that long ago lost credibility. Although it was initially met with equal parts praise (by Quentin Tarantino, for one, who is long due to create a horror film of his own, if you ask me) and disdain (Roger Ebert gave it zero stars), it has fallen off the charts and is rarely heard about these days. It was released the same year as the aforementioned Hostel, and that more high-profile torture porn epic swallowed this one up whole. Wolf Creek is probably the better movie, but is under appreciated.

While it's not for every one, give it a few years or so, and Bob's your sister, Wolf Creek will be ripe for rediscovery. Especially if the proposed sequel slated for 2013 ever comes to fruition.

And come on, how cool is Eagle Rock by Daddy Cool? Pretty damned. That's how cool.

2005
Rated R
99 Minutes
Color
English
Australia

"See? Head on a stick!"
--J/Metro

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

2011-10-05T10:45:00.000-05:00

Dawn of the Dead

Written by James Gunn
Directed by Zack Snyder

Ana...Sarah Polley
Kenneth...Ving Rhames
Michael...Jake Weber
Andre...Mekhi Phifer

This is a remake in concept only, as no characters from the original are reinterpreted here--which probably helps out immensely. Genre lovers are tired of seeing their cherished icons being dragged through the mud and turned into sniveling emo brats--although I'm not sure emo was really around when this movie was initially released.

Regardless, a group of survivors take refuge in a shopping mall following the outbreak of the zombie apocalypse. Personalities clash and the bullshit notion of Alphas Vs. Betas erupt into a lot of bickering and in-fighting while the undead hoards are beating at the door.

There are a few clever nods to the original film, and some of that cast even make cameos here, including Ken Foree (who quotes a variation of his famous line, "When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth") and Tom Savini as a zombie-slaying sheriff.

Gone are the light-hearted scenes of Muzak-backed buffoonery, replaced with more of a straight-ahead horror story that does away with social commentary. This may appeal to some, but the filmmakers have also done away with the biker subplot that asked the question "Where lies the bigger threat?", replacing it with a less-inspired security guard variation of the same theme.

Phil Dunphy, we hardly knew ye.

A fantastic opening sequence that makes great use of saintly sinner Johnny Cash (although a later use of Richard Cheese was a strange choice), gooey special effects, and solid performances by a fabulous cast all round out this nihilistic take on a classic film. It's one of the few remakes that get it right, and it has balls to spare.

I mean, a zombie newborn? How can you not love that?

2004
Rated R
101 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"America always sorts its shit out."
--J/Metro

Random Halloween Imagery

2011-10-05T00:41:00.002-05:00

Jimmy by William Malmborg

2011-10-04T10:06:00.000-05:00

Jimmy

by William Malmborg

Jimmy Hawthorne isn't your typical high school kid. He's something of an outcast (which many of us can probably relate to), his best friend is his younger brother, and he's too skittish to make a move on the girl of his dreams. Doesn't sound so out of the ordinary? Well, perhaps I forgot to mention that he has kidnapped two girls and has them tied up in a secret underground chamber where he acts out his sick and perverted fantasies.

Part horror, part exploitation, and yes, even part romance, Jimmy is a disturbing read to say the least. The torture and humiliation of Jimmy's captives will make you squirm and crave a front row seat when he finally gets his comeuppance. This is in direct opposition of Jimmy's interactions with his brother Alan and his love interest Tina, where Jimmy comes across as a likable and sympathetic character. But even in his most shining of moments, the truth of his darker self is always lurking in the back of your mind.

There is no absolute good and absolute evil here. Jimmy isn't a one-dimensional killing machine, an embodiment of darkness like Jason Voorhees. He's a multi-faceted character that you sometimes have to remind yourself you are supposed to hate. It's a difficult read because of the fact that it all seems so feasible, and no matter how hard you hope for a happy ending, you know that such a thing is a blatant impossibility.

There are a number of typos and misspellings throughout this ebook, but none so glaring that they make for any confusion. The first few chapters were difficult to get through due to the subject matter, but after I got over the hump, I was fairly well glued to my screen until the story was over.

Dark, demented, and exciting, but certainly not for everyone. But for those with the stomach to see this thing through, it's a rewarding experience and a hell of a bargain at only 99¢. Support fellow horror blogger William Malmborg and toss a couple coins his way via Amazon.

--J/Metro

The Hitcher (1986)

2011-10-03T12:21:00.004-05:00

The Hitcher

Written by Eric Red
Directed by Robert Harmon

Jim Halsey...C. Thomas Howell
John Ryder...Rutger Hauer
Nash...Jennifer Jason Leigh

Weary traveler Jim Halsey stops to pick up hitchhiker John Ryder on the proverbial dark and stormy night. When he turns out to be a raging psychopath, Halsey manages to overpower him and kick him out of the moving vehicle. But, the raging psychopath that he is, Ryder is not willing to admit defeat and let bygones be bygones. Instead, he stalks Jim cross-country, killing anyone and everyone who gets in his way--and framing Jim for the murders!

A well-paced road thriller, this is the movie that Joy Ride (which I admit I thoroughly enjoyed) wanted to grow up to be. C. Thomas Howell and Jennifer Jason Leigh do a commendable job in their respective roles, but it's Rutger Hauer (not yet a hobo) who steals the show as the always calm and collected killer. His actions and demeanor put a human face on the slasher character typically hidden behind silence and Halloween masks.

There are plenty of great action scenes running rampant here, including a great one involving a helicopter in a full-on police chase. It's almost two films in one--an action movie and a psycho thriller--but they blend well together to make a badass little flick. Far, far superior to the mindless, testosterone-soaked remake.

While re-watching this, I couldn't help but think: If Alexandre Aja directed this, John Ryder would turn out to be a figment of Jim Halsey's imagination, and Jim would have been guilty the entire time. And you know what? With a few minor edits, it would actually make sense. More sense than it did in High Tension, anyway.

Definitely deserves a spot in your collection, right between Duel and the aforementioned Joy Ride.

1986
Rated R
97 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Because I cut off his legs. And his arms. And his head."
--J/Metro