I Eat Your Skin
Written, directed & produced by Del Tenney
Tom Harris...William Joyce
Duncan Fairchild...Dan Stapleton
Jeannie Biladeau...Heather Hewitt
Girl crazy adventure novelist Tom Harris is convinced by his best friend/agent Duncan Fairchild to travel to the appropriately named Voodoo Island to gather material for his next potboiler. Harris agrees, not for the rich local folklore that can assist him with his book, but for the promise of a bounty of young virginal native girls ripe for the plucking.
Right off the bat, it seems as if Harris has stepped into one of his own stories. Their plane runs out of fuel, scarcely making it to the island. Almost as soon as they land, he rescues a bathing beauty from some bug-eyed batty bastard wielding a machete sharp enough to take off a man's head in a single swipe.
Turns out that bug-eyed bastard is a card-carrying member of the undead, and only a creative man like Harris who is just dripping machismo and sex appeal can put a stop to the madness.
The character of Harris is a real man's man, strutting around shirtless and banging broads with wild abandon. He's not bookish or nebbish, he's not awkward or ineffectual. He's the type of author you don't see much of these days. Like a cross between Norman Mailer and James Bond, perhaps. There's a scene that sums him up perfectly, sitting sans shirt in the jungle, pounding away on his typewriter keys.
The women here are, as to be expected, mostly gorgeous. Jeannie Biladeau, who Harris sets his sites on during his time on the island is a bombshell of a blonde, but she doesn't hold a candle to the nameless woman shaking her shit at the film's opening voodoo ritual. Sporting a bikini and jiggling like a Jello mold, she had goddess written all over her. Duncan's wife Coral (Betty Hyatt Linton) wasn't unattractive, but she was made so by her nasally squeal of a voice and whining personality, like I Love Lucy on helium.
There are choreographed voodoo dance numbers that are probably as historically accurate as a Bill & Ted movie, but they are beautifully shot and fun to watch. At least somebody on the set knew what the hell they were doing.
This B-grade cheeser can be fun if you go in with the right state of mind...but not as much fun as you're probably hoping for. It's corny, over-the-top, and very uneven. There are moments of broad physical comedy at the beginning of the film that don't fit in at all with the rest of the flick, but luckily once those elements are gone, they are not revisited. It manages to take itself just seriously enough.
Oh, and just so you know: there's nary a scene of skin eating in the entire film.
Double bill it with the previously reviewed I Drink Your Blood for two times the fun.
"I read some of your books, and I only hope you're more original in person."