Head of the Family
Written by Charles Band & Benjamin Carr
Directed by Charles Band
Loretta Oats...Jacqueline Lovell
Lance Bogen...Blake Adams
Myron Stackpoole...J.W. Perra
Rockabilly small business owner Lance Bogen has a problem: he's involved in a torrid love affair with Loretta, the (frankly exquisite) wife of local biker, drug dealer and thug Howard Oats--who looks like a less ridiculous version of Dog the Bounty Hunter. Not only is Howard trying to give Lance the old shakedown, but if he ever finds out about the affair, Lance and Loretta will no doubt be killed.
What to do, what to do?
The answer presents itself when Lance stumbles across the eccentric Stackpoole family engaged in the abduction of some poor soul. Lance, using what brains he has, swings by the old Stackpoole place to meet the heretofore unseen monstrous patriarch of the clan. That is, Myron, the Head of the Family.
Blackmailing the Stackpooles into making sure that Howard disappears forever, Lance finds himself embroiled in a brand new life of crime--essentially taking over the small-time criminal role that Howard left behind. Myron may put up with a lot of things, but he does not take kindly to being played for a fool.
This is a Full Moon feature, so you should know what you're getting into before the movie even begins. At worst, it's going to be cheap, quick, and dreadfully dumb. At best, it's going to be cheesy, schlocky, and guiltily entertaining. This is one of those that fall (mostly) into the second category. The first 20 minutes or so were slow moving and dull, but once it got moving, it turned into a fun little romp.
The characters of Lance and Loretta were actually pretty well fleshed out for a Full Moon movie, and the Stackpools were all perfectly bizarre. Myron was, believe it or not, a great villain, one that I would love to see again. THIS should have become a franchise, not some crap-fest like Killjoy (the somewhat decent third entry not withstanding). And if the rights could be worked out, how great would a Myron Stackpoole/Belial Bradley team-up be?
Overall, a pretty amusing waste of time. Not the best in the Full Moon catalog, but certainly far from the worst. If you're in the mood for a bizarre crime story, then you could do a lot worse than this.
"Sometimes I feel like a big ol' turd in a small toilet."