Written & Directed by Thomas Edward Keith
Prof. Mark Hamilton...Vincent Van Patten
This movie starts off showcasing what every man secretly imagines life in a sorority house to be like: namely, a plethora of beautiful young women in various stages of undress, occasionally even taking showers together in order to "conserve water". Yeah, right. These oversexed harlots are definitely up to a little experimentation, even if it isn't caught on tape.
It's Spring Break for the students of Westhille College For Women. The majority of the Gamma House are doing the typical Palm Springs thing, but a select few have instead opted to take an extra-credit field trip with their Anthropology professor Mark Hamilton and his girlfriend Jamie. Having gotten all the T&A out of the way in the opening scenes, we're dragged along on the camping trip.
En route to Deeep Water Lake within Mystic Mountain, the campers stop for gas at a middle-of-nowhere general store. They're warned away from the area by the country-fried propieter and his rambling wino friend (played by Buck Flower, natch!), but they don't listen, of course. Pretty people in horror movies never listen to warnings.
They probably should have, as there is danger around every corner. We've got a violent biker gang, earthquakes that may or may not prophesize the end of the world, druids, possibly-benevolent Native Americans, and even a sea monster.
That's right. An honest to goodness sea monster.
It takes a talented filmmaker to cram all these things together in one coherent narrative. These filmmakers are not that talented. This is obviously one hot mess of a movie, with annoying characters, enormous leaps in logic, at-times painfully poor acting, and not a thrill or a chill to be found. It would have been a smarter move to spread the nudity throughout the running time so that at least we would have something to look forward to. Besides the closing credits, I mean.
At one point, the professor declares "This is worse than a freakin' Twilight Zone."
You got that right, prof. This is worse than a lot of things.
A monumental waste of time, hipsters. Reccomended only if you're trying to fill the gaps in your Buck Flower collection.
"I don't want to die with an empty bladder!"