Monday, April 18, 2011

Camp Fear (1991)

Camp Fear

Written & Directed by Thomas Edward Keith

Prof. Mark Hamilton...Vincent Van Patten
Jamie...Betsy Russell
Tiffany...Peggy Sands
Melissa...Mindy Myer
Ace...James Kratt

This movie starts off showcasing what every man secretly imagines life in a sorority house to be like: namely, a plethora of beautiful young women in various stages of undress, occasionally even taking showers together in order to "conserve water".  Yeah, right.  These oversexed harlots are definitely up to a little experimentation, even if it isn't caught on tape.


It's Spring Break for the students of Westhille College For Women.  The majority of the Gamma House are doing the typical Palm Springs thing, but a select few have instead opted to take an extra-credit field trip with their Anthropology professor Mark Hamilton and his girlfriend Jamie.  Having gotten all the T&A out of the way in the opening scenes, we're dragged along on the camping trip.

En route to Deeep Water Lake within Mystic Mountain, the campers stop for gas at a middle-of-nowhere general store.  They're warned away from the area by the country-fried propieter and his rambling wino friend (played by Buck Flower, natch!), but they don't listen, of course.  Pretty people in horror movies never listen to warnings.


They probably should have, as there is danger around every corner.  We've got a violent biker gang, earthquakes that may or may not prophesize the end of the world, druids, possibly-benevolent Native Americans, and even a sea monster.

That's right.  An honest to goodness sea monster.


It takes a talented filmmaker to cram all these things together in one coherent narrative.  These filmmakers are not that talented.  This is obviously one hot mess of a movie, with annoying characters, enormous leaps in logic, at-times painfully poor acting, and not a thrill or a chill to be found.  It would have been a smarter move to spread the nudity throughout the running time so that at least we would have something to look forward to.  Besides the closing credits, I mean.

At one point, the professor declares "This is worse than a freakin' Twilight Zone."

You got that right, prof.  This is worse than a lot of things.

A monumental waste of time, hipsters.  Reccomended only if you're trying to fill the gaps in your Buck Flower collection.

1991
Rated R
86 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"I don't want to die with an empty bladder!"
--J/Metro

5 comments:

  1. My Buck Flower collection is nothing but gaps...

    Hard to believe a movie with that many cool things hanging could possibly be bad, but it sure seems that way. Cool cover though - kind of has an old-school giallo look to it.

    - Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  2. Diggin' what you're doin' with the blog, homie.

    -Jake

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aaron-- I think that my Buck Flower collection consists of Back to the Future 1 & 2, Wishmaster, and Pumpkinhead... and I didn't even know he was in those flicks until perusing his imdb page.

    Jake--thanks for the kind words. homie. I hope to see you around again.

    --J/Metro

    ReplyDelete
  4. I had no idea either - guess my Buck Flower collection is about half of yours. Always dug Wishmaster and Pumpkinhead, well, that's a classic.

    I'll have to be on the lookout for Buck next time I watch one of them.

    - Aaron

    PS. I just checked and he was also in Skeeter, Puppet Master 2, and The Fog, so I guess my collection is a little more extensive than I originally assumed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The opening scene with the naked college chicks is worth watching. The rest... Nope. It'll most likely make you fall asleep. I wouldn't be suprised if Jonny fell asleep in the middle of the movie ;] Haha.

    ReplyDelete

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