Witten by Leon Capetanos
Directed by Leon Capetanos and Lewis Teague
Jimmy O'Neil...Morgan Paull
Rookie cop Jimmy O'Neil has been on this small town police force for roughly three months, and he's still a little wet behind the ears. Aside from a few speeders, a bar fight or two, and a suicidal man in a gorilla suit (seriously!), he hasn't seen much in the way of action. Meaning that he has a lot of free time on his hands. Free time which he fills by bedding down with practically every pretty young thing in a ten mile radius.
Good ol' Dirty O'Neil.
O'Neil's partner, Lassiter, wishes that a little excitement would come to the small burg, just a little something to liven things up and see if O'Neil has really got what it takes. He may regret making that wish, because it's not long before a trio of traveling thugs arrives in town, looking to rape and plunder. When they target Ruby, everyone's favorite diner waitress, O'Neil decides to go renegade and make those bastards pay.
Good ol' Dirty O'Neil.
This relatively forgotten slice of cinema is relatively forgotten for a reason. It's not just trashy, it's straight up garbage. The tone of the movie is wildly schizophrenic: 8o% of the running time, it seems like a wandering, plotless romp--like if National Lampoon had made a particularly poor buddy cop picture. The other 20% of the film is purely dark and exploitative, not fitting in with the tone of the rest of the film at all. What is particularly strange, at least to me, is that although nudity was abundant (and by abundant, I mean nipples a-plenty), the actual sex scenes were all pretty much implied--so much so that I initially thought I was viewing an edited cut. But the rape scene (while not very graphic) played out in full, further confusing the strange balance the filmmakers were trying to create.
Dirty O'Neil was dull, meandering, and pointless right up until the vengeance-fueled finale, which, while pretty awesome, was entirely too brief, and too little, too late. If you want some retro revenge films, there are better ones out there. If you want retro smut, there are better ones out there, too. But if you absolutely have to see every movie that offers up a shower scene with a "high school" girls basketball team, then queue this up and get one step closer to scratching that perverted aspiration off your bucket list.
Good ol' Dirty Ol' Man.
"I'd like to jump out of this car right now and bite your ass."