Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Malibu High (1979)

Malibu High

Written by Tom Singer
Directed by Irvin Berwick

Kim...Jill Lansing
Lucy...Katie Johnson
Tony...Alex Mann
Lance...Garth Howard

Poor little Kim. Poor little white trash Kim. Her life is a mess: her father hung himself "because he couldn't get it up", her mother doesn't understand her, her ex-boyfriend is dating the most affluent girl in town, and her grades are so low that she's in danger of not graduating. After a particularly heartbreaking night at Larry's Disco, she vows to make a change in her life, starting immediately. As she tells her only friend Lucy: "Starting tomorrow, it's gonna be a whole new scene!"

The whole new scene begins with her dressing like a cheap tramp, sporting a little lace-up top and a skirt that barely covers her ass. Said ass is wiggled and jiggled in the face of her history teacher, a sad ploy for attention that results in a little sexual study session on the local beach. "Because at Malibu High...there's more than one way to earn an A"--which isn't really the tagline, but it totally should have been!

From there, Kim promptly joins up with sleazeball pot dealer Tony, becoming the number one girl in his prostitution side business--there are literally a dozen men lined up outside of Tony's van at any given time. It's a rockin', but people keep on a knockin'.

She's selling herself for good grades by day (she's failing all of her classes, after all), and selling herself for cash by night. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal until she's recruited by rival pimp/mobster Lance who offers her more money, better drugs, and a handgun of her very own. What red blooded American girl could turn down an offer like that?

This may be Malibu, but Kim is no Barbie doll. She's a vaguely attractive bad girl who sleeps in the buff and lights up a cigarette the moment she rolls out of bed in the morning. In short, my kind of gal! She's quite the bitch, too, even to her best friend. So why is Lucy still friends with Kim after the way she treats her? The same reason that the director cast so many terrible actors in this movie: a lack of options. I don't think the A-Listers were kicking down the door for a chance at this script.

All of the characters are paper thin, and their motivations are never truly explained--but that's quite all right. We're not here for a moving character study. We're here for cheese, sleaze and bodies that please...and we got that in spades!

Sex, drugs, violence, attempted rape, murder, revenge, teased hair, ridiculous fashions, horrible music (I'm not kidding, the People's Court themesong crops up at one point--during a chase scene!), tacky tan lines, and, to quote Shakespeare, Nipples-A-Go-Go. This movie has a specific audience, and if the preceding laundry list didn't catch your attention, you're obviously not it. So keep moving, buster. Nothing to see here.

ALSO KNOWN AS: Death in Denim; High School Hit Girl; Lovely but Deadly

Rated R
92 Minutes
United States

"You're gonna have to lose your cherry on your own time!"

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