Written & Directed by Jordan Downey
Darren...Ryan E. Francis
NOTE: This is the sixth in my series of Netflix Challenge posts, in which you the reader challenge me the reviewer to watch the absolute worst pieces of cinematic garbage that Netflix has available to Watch Instantly. Today's film was suggested by Andy of Toolshed of Horror!. If you would like to learn more about the Netflix Challenge, or suggest a movie yourself then make with the clickity right here.
This movie opens with an extreme close-up of a nipple, then pulls back to reveal a massive pair of heaving, exposed breasts--so at least it's playing to its strengths. The ample bosoms in question belong to a lady pilgrim, and the scene takes place moments after the first Thanksgiving. She is running in terror, her lovely lady humps swaying like pendulums from what turns out to be one very pissed off and very talkative...turkey. "Nice tits, bitch!", he cracks before using his little turkey hands to dispatch her with a tomahawk.
Fast forward to present day. The talky turkey has somehow been defeated in the past and buried in the woods with a tiny totem pole as a grave marker. The pet collie of a reclusive hermit takes it upon himself to urinate on the totem, and like a scene out of Nightmare on Elm Street 4, the killer is resurrected by the magical power of canine piss. He's back, he's bad, and he's got a score to settle.
A group of overaged teenagers who would never hang out with each other in real life (a football hero, a pot-bellied redneck, an awkward geek, a neighborhood slut, and an innocent daughter of the local sheriff) accidentally stumble into the sights of ol' Gobble Gobble, and he's not going to stop until all of them are dead.
This movie is patently ridiculous, and thus impossible to take seriously, but that's okay. It's not meant to be taken seriously, perhaps its only saving grace. That isn't to say that it's a good film by any stretch of the imagination, but it has its enjoyable moments if you go in with the right frame of mind. And that frame of mind is slightly inebriated and just a hair off-center. It was truly a surreal experience to watch a man dressed like a turkey chat over coffee with a turkey dressed as a man.
The special effects are exactly what you would expect: namely cheddar, baby. Cheddar. The turkey is a rubbery looking hand puppet that has no ambitions of realism, but there is at least a pretty cool scene of limited animation, explaining the back-story. The acting is pretty weak as well, but, surprisingly, the soundtrack is rather impressive--everything from the odd electro-gobbling of the theme song, to the instrumental score, and the off-beat "Best Friend Billy" that reminded me of "Stu's Song" from The Hangover. And Thankskilling runs for just over an hour (at least the version I watched; the IMDB lists it at 85 minutes), so it doesn't wear out its welcome as badly as a lot of other equally bad films do (although the numerous tasteless references to the Jon Benet Ramsey case was a bit much).
If you've got 60 minutes to kill and are in the mood for a little holiday-themed horror next November, place the whole family in front of the TV for this oddity. It beats another Hallmark Channel period piece, and besides, where else can you see a turkey drive a car, blow a man's head off with a shotgun, smoke cigars, nail a co-ed doggy style, or wear a man's face like a mask (completely fooling everyone)? Outside of a bird flu fever dream or a hallucination brought about by watching H.R. Pufnstuf on LSD, this is the only place I can think of.
And, if you liked this one, the closing credits promise that the series will be continued....IN SPACE!
If you've seen the movie, or are just curious be sure to check out the official webpage, which offers a wealth of information and downloads.
Want a different take on the film? See the other J tear it a new one at the Cheap Bin!
66 Minutes/(85 Minutes?)
"Pull your shirt down, honey. It's Thanksgiving, not Titsgiving."
Silly girl...every day is Titsgiving!