Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Devil of Blue Mountain (2004)

The Devil of Blue Mountain

Written & Directed by Joshua P. Warren
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NOTE:  This is the third in my continuing series of Netflix Challenge movie reviews.  Today's selection was chosen by W.B. Kelso of the excellently pulpy Scenes from the Morgue blog.  If you would like to find out more about the Netflix Challenge, or make your own movie suggestions, just make with the clicky right here.
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I don't know what it says about this movie that it doesn't even seem to have an IMDB page.  I looked.  Believe me, it isn't there.  Even visiting the director's page, this film is conspicuously missing from the credits--although, curiously, a movie called Inbred Rednecks remains proudly on display.

Now, there are a few things that this movie could seemingly be known for.  The first is that it stars Ashley Simpson--however, if you'll notice the spelling, ASHLEE is the younger sister of sex kitten Jessica Simpson.  ASHLEY is, well...nobody.  Secondly, this movie was shot during Hurricane Ivan.  You know it was because director Warren included that information everywhere that this movie gained a mention.  Hell, he even thanked the hurricane in the closing credits!  What he doesn't tell you, though, is that the hurricane essentially comes across here as a moderate rain storm that lasts all of four minutes.

This movie starts off with two drunken teenage girls leaving a party in the midst of the rainstorm that good old Warren is so bloody proud of. Driving home, they chatter mindlessly and smoke a joint, until they get pulled over by the police. They then argue over who has to swallow the joint until the policeman actually arrives at the car--only it turns out to not be a policeman it all, but a madman in a denim jacket and a mask made out of a burlap sack. He promptly handcuffs them and tosses them into the trunk of his car. And the girls never once make a peep, as if they still somehow believe that this nutcase is an actual police officer and this is what you call Standard Operating Procedure.


About this time, I was expecting that these two bimbos would be killed off quickly, and then we could get on to the real stars. But no, these two bimbos were the real stars, believe it or not. Although 'stars' is really stretching it.

Anyway, Sacky drives for about 10 minutes or so--and yes, we're treated to the entire 10 minutes--until coming upon a desolate country road, where he hauls the girls out of the trunk and forces them at gunpoint to participate in a very long, very grueling, and very (very very) drawn out silent death march through the woods.


Twenty minutes later, the first line of dialogue since the title sequence is spoken. It's one of the girls asking for a little break. Sacky promptly ends her query by suggestively popping an index finger into her waiting maw.

We think we know where this is going. The girls think they know where this is going. They are, of course, going to be raped and murdered in the woods. But Sacky must have a very special place in mind, deep in the heart of the forest, because you really start to wonder if this is all some kind of sick sorority prank, and they're eventually going to end up at a candlelight hazing ceremony. It takes so long for anything to happen, that even the girls seem utterly perplexed when Sacky finally drops trou.

Granted, he's just taking a shit. But still.

Eventually, all of the walking comes to a halt for a bizarre twist ending that, if nothing else, you never see coming. I have strict rules about ruining endings, though, even endings for films that nobody else is ever going to see.

There were plenty of weird things about this film: The complete and utter lack of dialogue (which probably worked out best in this case, as actors in microbudget pictures aren't generally known for their, well, acting); the musical scoring, which consisted mostly of some guy croaking "deliver us from evil" in the most ear-grating manner, despite the fact that it really made no sense; the fact that the ending should have been a bit of a character redemption, but instead just made previous actions seem all the more sleazy; and that the cameraman (probably Warren himself) obviously is a bit of a fetishist--I've never seen so many long, lingering shots of women's bound ankles or high heels noisily sinking into the mud.


But you know what the absolute weirdest thing about this film is?

I didn't hate it. Despite all of its flaws--its many, many flaws--I absolutely did not hate this film. (It's a sad day when the best recommendation you can give to a film is "I didn't hate it.")

After the fact, I have found the only redeeming qualities of Rise of the Scarecrows and Alien Blood, my previous two Netflix Challenge movies: they make movies like The Devil of Blue Mountain seem good by comparison.

2004
Unrated
82 Minutes
Color
English
United States


--J/Metro


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3 comments:

  1. Yeah, the film is anything but predictable but maddeningly repetitive just the same. Walk. Walk. Walk. Feet. Feet. Feet. Squish. Squish. Squish. Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk. Feet. Feet. etc. And that out of the blue ending pushes this whole can of stupid of a movie into some kind of state of whole can of stupid super-conductivity.

    Glad to hear it didn't do any permanent damage.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kelso: "Walk. Walk. Walk. Feet. Feet. Feet. Squish. Squish. Squish."

    That should TOTALLY be the synopsis on the back of the DVD release.

    --J/Metro

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well that was unexpected, we are going to have to try harder next time lol..

    ReplyDelete

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