Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Gone the Way of Flesh (2006)

Gone the Way of Flesh



Written & Directed by Jordan McMillen and Jason Martin

This movie--and I use the term loosely--opens up with some two-bit slimeball making vulgar comments to a sloppy brunette in a dive bar while a mediocre rock band plays in the background , ending with a spilled drink, which is really just an excuse for the girl to strip down to her unmentionables in a public restroom, where she is promptly killed.

And that's just the first 90 seconds. Literally!



The filmmakers obviously have no trouble laying all the cards out on the table right from the get-go. Unfortunately, once we've seen their hand, they really have very little left to show us.

The band playing in the background is the local Pittsburgh garage rock outfit The Jason Martinko Revue, and it seems that this isn't the first time an "underage" groupie has been killed at one of their concerts, and it certainly won't be the last. Is a member of the band behind the killings? Their ridiculous manager who looks like an extra from the Beastie Boys "Sabotage" video? A crazed fan? Who knows? And more importantly, who cares?




Here's the basic structure of the movie: girl takes off clothes, girl gets killed, The Jason Martinko Revue plays a song; girl takes off clothes, girl gets killed, The Jason Martinko Revue plays a song; It continues in this exact same vein for the full running time of 60 minutes, which feels like 60 hours, although I think there was a police detective in there somewhere whose investigation pretty much consisted of doing drugs and narrating for the audience, but never--not even once--finding a clue. And at one point, seemingly at random, the whole debacle deteriorated into genuine girl-on-girl pornography with lapping tongues and shimmering strap-ons.

Gone the Way of Flesh tries to pass itself off as a low-budget, backyard horror/exploitation movie inspired by the works of H.G. Lewis. If that were true, I could at least respect it if not enjoy it. But the truth is that this was nothing but a vanity project for a band that has no real reason to be so vain. It was an extended music video that just so happened to have a couple murders in it. That concept may work for Rob Zombie, but it doesn't work here.

If you're a die-hard Jason Martinko fan (I suppose at least one of them may exist), you will probably be in hog heaven. I mean, it's The Jason Martinko Revue as...The Jason Martinko Revue! The role they were born to play! For everybody else, I caution you to stay as far away from this as possible.



The best musical moment was actually a great performance of "Amazing Grace" by some unknown African American man on the street. He blew the Revue to kingdom come. Maybe he can take the lead in the upcoming sequel.

Yes, they're making a sequel.

If I had to say something positive, I suppose it would be this: The Jason Martinko Revue are much better musicians than they are movie makers. Of course, so am I, and the only instrument I've ever played is a comb covered in wax paper.

2006
Not Rated
56 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"You'll be seeing me right in your goddamn tonsils later on tonight!"
--J/Metro

HorrorBlips: vote it up!

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Thanks for the review. I almost bought this... because I usually buy any horror movie with a promise of a hardcore scene... Won't I ever learn?

    JM

    ReplyDelete

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