Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Hell Bent (1994)

Hell Bent

Written & Directed by John Kozak

Marty...Danial Sprintz
Andy...Kevin Doerksen
Leslie...Alison Northcott
Old Man...Edward Raethorne
Old Woman...Dorothy Montpetit

Marty and Andy are two foul-mouthed Canadian brats (“Fuck off, eh?”) with a tendency to get in trouble when hanging out together. When they get in trouble for vandalizing a car, they decide that their antics have thus far been nothing but kids stuff, and they should take it to the next bloody level, really do something that everyone will be talking about. Their targets: The little old couple who live in a secluded area. And Marty and Andy are dragging the zombie-like Leslie along for the ride.

Sound simple? Believe me, it is. Three-quarters of the movie are simply unrelated scenes in which the boys cause mischief and bicker annoyingly. A proper editing job could have sliced this puppy down to a neat ten minutes and no one would have been the wiser, but everyone would have been a lot happier.

The plot is absolutely intangible, a mere ghost floating behind these terrible characters: Marty, whose snotty and obnoxious personality is overshadowed only by his total lack of acting ability, making you want to dropkick him approximately 13 seconds into the first reel; Andy, the Beavis to Marty’s Butthead, whose sole purpose in the film is to applaud Marty’s actions and follow him around lost in the haze of an apparent man-crush; and Leslie, the seemingly hypnotized girl who cares about nothing, reacts to even less, and bears more than a passing resemblance to Joseph Gordon-Levitt from Third Rock From the Sun. All of these characters are bound together by some sort of boredom, despair and detachment, but the reasoning behind their actions is never examined, never even implied. It’s like the filmmakers only statement was that bad kids do indeed exist...but never mind why they exist.

If you think the sludgy plot, annoying characters and terrible acting were bad enough, wait until you get a load of the soundtrack, quite possibly one of the worst scores ever captured on film.

The only good thing I can say about Hell Bent is that it makes the similarly-themed film Fun absolutely shine in comparison.

Not Rated
83 Minutes
English (sort of)

Hell Bent is currently ranked #100,096 in DVD's at Amazon.com.  Read more about it at the IMDB, rent it at Netflix, or buy it today!


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