Written & Directed by William Dear
A group of cookie cutter teen archetyes (the All-American girl; her asshole jock boyfriend; the primadonna; the slut; and the stoner) are headed into the woods in their Grateful Dead Mystery Machine VW Microbus for a weekend camping trip. After a brief and pointless sojourn into the graveyard where William Bonney--AKA Billy the Kid--is buried, they pitch a tent or two near the river and prepare for the usual high school debauchery.
This being a horror movie, they happened to have set up camp right near an old crime scene where twin brothers Simon and Stanley murdered their parents years ago. And, as luck would have it, the twins are still in the area, and they've had many years to perfect their techniques.
That's right. It's two, two, two times the Glover!
Crispin Glover is a great, bizarre character actor that is under-appreciated and under-used...probably because a lot of filmmakers are afraid of him. He's not at his best here, but he's still pretty damned good as both Stanley (an idiot-savant killing machine) and Simon (the Leonardo DaVinci/Daedalus of backwoods murder), although I must admit that his whole "Simon Says" schtick wears thin pretty quick.
The violence here is wildly inventive, which sometimes translates into patently ridiculous. Still, there are deaths here that you're not likely to see anywhere else, and a scene with a poodle that will leave you completely speechless.
All digressions aside, for Crispin Glover and the outre violence alone, I can whole-heartedly recommend Simon Says to slasher fans who feel like they have already seen everything. I'm here to tell you: That simply isn't true.
Simon Says is currently ranked #41,304 in DVD's at Amazon.com. Read more about it at the IMDB, rent it at Netflix, or buy it today!
"I've got two words for you: Threesome!"
"That's like... four words."