Monday, September 14, 2009

Movie Review: Simon Says (2006)

Simon Says

Written & Directed by William Dear

Simon/Stanley...Crispin Glover
Kate...Margo Harshman
Zack...Greg Cipes
Ashley...Kelly Vitz
Riff...Artie Baxter
Vickie...Carrie Finklea

A group of cookie cutter teen archetyes (the All-American girl; her asshole jock boyfriend; the primadonna; the slut; and the stoner) are headed into the woods in their Grateful Dead Mystery Machine VW Microbus for a weekend camping trip. After a brief and pointless sojourn into the graveyard where William Bonney--AKA Billy the Kid--is buried, they pitch a tent or two near the river and prepare for the usual high school debauchery.

This being a horror movie, they happened to have set up camp right near an old crime scene where twin brothers Simon and Stanley murdered their parents years ago. And, as luck would have it, the twins are still in the area, and they've had many years to perfect their techniques.

The storyline is familiar, and the protagonists are exactly what you'd expect in a slasher film. But this movie has something that most others don't. Namely, Crispin Glover in dual roles.

That's right. It's two, two, two times the Glover!

Crispin Glover is a great, bizarre character actor that is under-appreciated and under-used...probably because a lot of filmmakers are afraid of him. He's not at his best here, but he's still pretty damned good as both Stanley (an idiot-savant killing machine) and Simon (the Leonardo DaVinci/Daedalus of backwoods murder), although I must admit that his whole "Simon Says" schtick wears thin pretty quick.

The violence here is wildly inventive, which sometimes translates into patently ridiculous. Still, there are deaths here that you're not likely to see anywhere else, and a scene with a poodle that will leave you completely speechless.

On the downside, I don't think that I have ever seen a group of victims that deserved to die more. I know that teenagers are practically always portrayed as obnoxious tools in slasher films, but this takes it to a whole new level. It makes me question my high school memories. Was I that big of a douchebag back in my younger days? If so, I'd like to hop in the DeLorean, travel back in time and give myself a Biff Tannen sized beating. I'd much rather believe that my friends and I participated in the unbelievably witty banter of the Buffy gang than the unbelievably obnoxious antics of the typical horror movie fodder.

All digressions aside, for Crispin Glover and the outre violence alone, I can whole-heartedly recommend Simon Says to slasher fans who feel like they have already seen everything. I'm here to tell you: That simply isn't true.

View the trailer below!

...and as a bonus, here's one of the reasons people are afraid of Crispin Glover.

Rated R
87 Minutes
United States

Simon Says is currently ranked #41,304 in DVD's at Read more about it at the IMDB, rent it at Netflix, or buy it today!

"I've got two words for you: Threesome!"
"That's like... four words."

1 comment:

  1. Woohoo!!! I've been waiting for this to come out for ages. Oh, how I love Crispin Glover. This had some terrible word-of-mouth when it ran the festival circuit, so I'm excited to see it get a pretty decent review. Thanks!


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