Friday, September 18, 2009

Remmer

Remmer


Written & Directed by Ming

Sonny...Barnaby Hitzig
Addie...Beth Anne Garrison
Winter...Christine Lucas
Bob...Julio Hanson
Mick...Bruce McBurney

Despite the fact that the title sounds like an underground German porn flick, and the special effects look like the interactive thesis of a grad student majoring in Flash Studio, Remmer is actually an amateurish horror film that has the outstanding ability to make other terrible films seem Oscar-worthy by comparison!

Young couple Sonny and Addie are camping out in an abandoned storage shed near an old silver mine (apparently the cheap bastard couldn't afford a tent). Addie desperately wants to hear a scary campfire story, but Sonny tells her that he's forbidden to do so. Why? Because, in his words,

"i have a disorder...a disorder that strikes about one or two thousand. I have...narcolepsy." (Cue melodramatic soap opera organ score here)

Just like the rest of us, Addie doesn't get it, and still wants a story. When she threatens Sonny with those two words that work like a cattle prod against any self respecting horny college student--"No Sex"--he relents.

But then, he falls asleep in the middle of his tall tale, entering immediately into the REM cycle. And when this happens, he becomes THE REMMER, dragging the fictional characters of his story into the real world, where they threaten Addie and an unrelated trio of volunteers at a nearby Sleep Institute.

Kind of like a hokier revamping of Marvel Comics' Sleepwalker, Remmer is a hot mess of celluloid. With poor acting, a terribly obtrusive score, and a mindless and rambling script, you would think that it couldn't get much worse. But, amazingly, it does. Nonlinear storytelling is one thing, but when scenes are shown seemingly at random, that's another thing all together. I could get behind that if this were some arthouse attempt at Dadaism or Exquisite Corpse for the modern age, but I'm pretty sure it's just piss poor planning and over ambitious direction.

if Addie didn't look so good in her khaki shorts there'd be no discernible reason for this movie to exist. Still, she could be running around buck naked in a baby oil hurricane in below freezing temperatures, and I still don't think that I could recommend this movie with a clean conscience.



Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I could.

View the trailer below!


2004
Not Rated
75 Minutes
Color
English
United States

Remmer is currently ranked #220,544 in DVD's at Amazon.com. Read more about it at the IMDB, rent it at Netflix, or buy it today!

"Man! Pete's gone crazy!"
--J/Metro

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