Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Cold & Dark (2005)

Cold & Dark
Written by Joanne Reay
Directed by Andrew Goth

Luke Goss...John Dark
Kevin Howarth...Moritimer Shade

Police officer John Dark and his new partner Mort Shade are investigating some of the slickest and most untouchable criminals in England. When Shade appears to be killed in the line of duty, Dark thinks the partnership has ended, but Shade emerges miraculously unharmed, in fact completely unfazed by the whole ordeal. In the following weeks, those untouchable criminals are touched indeed, by the murderous hands of a half-man, half-monster vigilante. Dark begins to think that Shade is responsible, and finds himself toeing the grey line of good and bad, tempted by the possibilities of such power.

Not gritty enough to be a crime drama, not dark enough to be a horror film, and not explosive enough to be considered action, Cold and Dark toes the same grey line of good and bad. While it is competently filmed and (for the most part) acted, the characters don’t seem quite tangible enough to be believed, and although the narration at the beginning of the film states that Dark and Shade (whose naming scheme reeks of desperation) are best friends, you never sense any sort of real camaraderie between them. And although the special effects are passable, the creature design leaves much to be desired. Dark is one cool skull-cap wearin’ mother, however. I will give him that.

Ultimately, there are worse ways to spend 90 minutes of your life. But, as always, there are better ways as well. These, however, don’t offer the following information:

“It takes 40 minutes to bury a body. Longer if it’s still alive. Tougher when it’s your best friend.”

Please alter your day-planners accordingly.

View the trailer below!

Rated R
94 minutes
United Kingdom

Cold & Dark is currently ranked #71,142 in DVDs at Amazon.com. Read more about it at the IMDB, rent it at Netflix, or buy it today!

"As they say in Alabama, they're making me drink monkeymilk! "

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