Friday, April 24, 2009

Movie Review: Route 666 (2001)

Route 666
ROUTE 666 - Just off the hipster highway horror - cover image

Written by Scott Fivelson, Thomas Weber, & William Wesley
Directed by Bill Wesley

Lou Diamond Phillips .... Jack La Roca
Lori Petty .... Stephanie
Steven Williams .... Rabbit
L.Q. Jones .... Sheriff Bob Conaway

U.S. Marshall Jack and his partner Stephanie have tracked down Rabbit, a flamboyant mafia accountant who promised to testify in court against his employers, but fled before the trial. They have less than 24 hours to get Rabbit across state lines and into court. Unfortunately, the mob has located Rabbit too, and they want him dead.

ROUTE 666 - Just off the hipster highway horror - LDP & Rabbit

To escape the hitman and make the deadline, Jack goes against Rabbit's advice and leaves the hipster highway of Route 66 for the dangerous--and theoretically cursed--Route 666, despite the fact that it's been condemned for thirty years. It seems that in the late 60's, an inmate work crew was slaughtered by their road boss and buried beneath the pavement. Ever since, the road has been haunted by the bloodthirsty spirits.

They find themselves broken down in the desert, plagued by zombies, hunted by the mob and harassed by the local authorities. Jack has been having strange flashback-hallucinations that link his father to the whole ordeal, and to seal the deal the Sheriff knows the truth behind the hauntings.

Can they possibly survive?

Could we possibly care less? If you could, give it 30 minutes and you'll come around.

This was like a melting pot of a hundred different genre pieces. The meeting in the board room must have gone something like this: "I've got a great idea. We'll make a road movie! With Federal Marshals like Tommy Lee Jones, and we'll get that chick from Tank Girl! Hey….a love story! And zombies! Yeah, zombies! And a mystical shaman! And one Marshall is trying to reconnect with has father! Ooooh! And crooked cops! Everyone loves crooked cops! We can't lose!"

ROUTE 666 - Just off the hipster highway horror - LDP Vs. Zombies

Lou Diamond Phillips is a decent enough actor but his tough-guy, too-cool-for-school attitude gets tiresome quickly. The special effects are rather lame and the ground-rules don't make any sense (because they're buried in the road, they can't leave the road. No, wait! They can appear on concrete too, but they can't walk on dirt.) Much of the dialogue was lame--"You're the reason the spirits are restless! You're the reason my father can't rest!"--and even the prospect of seeing someone jackhammered to death fails to save this turkey.

Stay off this road.

2001
Rated R
90 Minutes
Color
United States/Canada
English

"I don't care if you're fucking Santa Claus!"
--J/Metro

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