Watch the Trailer for a new Larry Cohen Film (sorta)

Click HERE for more information.

Book Review: Dresden Files #3 - Grave Peril by Jim Butcher

Dresden Files #3: Grave Peril

By Jim Butcher

Harry Dresden, professional wizard, has surely seen his fair share of vengeful spirits...but he's never seen this many of them, and he's never seen them this vengeful. Something has been getting the spirit world all riled up as of late, which has kept Harry and his new pal Michael Carpenter quite busy on the ghostbusting front. When they learn that a demon-like creature they call the Nightmare has been tormenting these already-tormented spirits, they set out to discover what is the Nightmare's endgame.

There are a number of side-plots here as well, including Harry's (literal) fairy godmother trying to cash in on a long-owed contract for Harry's soul, Harry's increasingly-serious relationship with tabloid journalist Susan Rodriguez, and political intrigue and upheaval in the Vampire Court. It's a lot to squeeze into a single novel, but Jim Butcher weaves it together with a deft hand, making it a cohesive story with multiple solid branches.

Detective Karrin "Murph" Murphy is here again, but she doesn't play as important of a role as she has previously, which is fine. I enjoy Murph as a character, but her taking a backseat allowed for the introduction of Michael, who is a welcome addition to the stable of characters. Michael is a Christian Knight, wielding one of three swords bestowed with Holy power to vanquish evil. His beliefs are often at odds with Harry's but the two make a great team, kind of like a magical odd couple. And, as always, Bob the Skull is a pleasure to behold.

There is a standout scene in the novel where Harry and Michael attend a vampire masquerade ball. It lasts for multiple chapters and was simply outstanding, and I'm wishing that the SyFy Channel would bring back The Dresden Files as a series of TV movies so that I could see it play out on screen.

This is far and away the best novel in the series so far, and after the disappointment of Fool Moon, I'm glad to see that Butcher is out of the sophomore slump and back in the saddle. The end of Grave Peril should have definite repercussions in the series, so I'm looking forward to moving on to book four.

--J/Metro

Help Fund A Larry Cohen Film

I received an e-mail the other day from Steve Mitchell, the writer and second unit director of the cult classic 80s cheeser CHOPPING MALL, asking for some help.  No, sadly, he's not trying to get CHOPPING MALL 2: BACK IN THE HABIT off the ground.  But he is trying to find financing for his latest project, a full-length documentary about Larry Cohen.

Who's Larry Cohen, you ask?  Well, if you don't know who Larry Cohen is, then you're probably not even reading this blog.  But just in case, here's a small sampling of Cohen's work.

• It's Alive, It's Alive 2, It's Alive 3
• God Told Me To
• Q
• The Stuff
• Maniac Cop, Maniac Cop 2
• Phone Booth
• Cellular

This isn't going to be some amateur fan film.  Steve Mitchell is a professional, and Larry Cohen himself is on board, and will be appearing in the documentary.  Larry Cohen has long been a favorite of mine, and I know that many of you feel the same way.  If you want to see this film get made as badly as I do, please visit the A LARRY COHEN FILM indiegogo page by clicking HERE to learn more and to donate.

--J/Metro

From The Dead Letter Office

Every once in a while, I like to write up a blog post to let all three of my readers know what's been going on around here. Consider it a glimpse behind the curtain that nobody asked for, but that is forced upon you anyway.

I recently landed myself on the critic's list for Universal Home Entertainment, which is a pretty big deal for me. The first screener they sent me was the Blu-Ray/DVD combo of the uneven ghost story Mama, the review of which can be read by clicking HERE. Look for more reviews of their releases in the future.

On a personal front, my wife and I just celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary by spending the night in a cabin in Estes Park. There's nothing more relaxing than sitting next to the river high in the mountains by campfire light.

My oldest friend and occasional contributor to the blog, Jimmy Retro, has landed himself a new job and will be moving to Arizona. This weekend we'll be having our final Debauchery Days celebration for the foreseeable future, so we're really going to put our hearts and lungs to the test. Click HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE for pics of a previous DD to see what I'm talking about. And while you're at it, click on the links below to read Jimmy's contributions.

• Glen or Glenda Movie Review
• Women in Horror: JoBeth Williams
• A Gay Man's Take on Michael Myers
• A Gay Man's Take on Jason Voorhees

Hopefully it takes less than three weeks to recover from Debauchery Days, because on May 31st-June 2nd, the wife and I will be attending the Denver Comic Con with a friend of ours. I've never been to a con of any kind before, so I'm not quite sure what to expect. Scheduled to appear are Peter "Chewbacca" Mayhew, Chris Ware, Jeffrey Brown, Neal Adams, George Perez, Jim Steranko, Herb Trimpe, and Stan "The Man" Lee (among many, many others). It should be a blast.

Other than all that, it's business as usual in these parts. Thanks for letting me ramble.

--J/Metro

Book Review: Horns by Joe Hill

Horns

By Joe Hill

Ignatius Perrish may seem like an unlikely name, but then again, he's an unlikely hero. After a drunken (and frankly blasphemous) night in the woods, Ig wakes up to discover that he has suddenly sprouted devil horns from his head. It would be easy to pass this off as a hallucination, if not for the fact that others can see them, too. Such is the power of the horns, though, that nobody flees in terror at the sight of them. Instead, they feel the need to confess their darkest deeds and deepest secrets--much like one might do to a priest, only seeking approval rather than atonement.

After discovering how his family members truly feel about him, he realizes that he may be able to use his horns to solve the great mystery in his life: who raped and killed his long-time girlfriend Merrin Williams, a crime for which the entire town believes him guilty.

A good deal of this story is actually backstory, flashbacks to the past that explores the burgeoning relationship of Ig, Merrin, and their third-wheel friend Lee Tourneau. These flashbacks are scarcely dark or horrifying except when viewed in the light of what's to come.

We're actually told who murdered Merrin fairly early in the story, so as a mystery, it leaves something to be desired. However there is still a great deal about that night for Ig to discover, and a great deal of vengeance for him to dish out.

This is Hill's second novel (following Heart Shaped Box) and is far from a sophomore slump. Quite the opposite. While I enjoyed Box quite a bit, I found Horns to be even more enjoyable--kind of an urban legend rendition of Kafka's Metamorphosis, with a dash of noir and a smattering of American gothic.

Ig is a great character, and we see him go from something of an angel to something of a devil over the course of the story. Even when he does terrible things, we still find ourselves rooting for and sympathizing with him. Lee is a suitable friendly-foil, who grows into something of a direct opposite of his pal Ig. Merrin, though dead for most of the story, never fully feels fleshed-out, unfortunately. We only know her through the eyes of others, and all of their views are slightly tainted with fantasy. She comes across only as a dream woman, and never feels quite real.

There are a number of pro-Satan passages in this book, which are bound to offend some people--but the lead character is a devil, so it shouldn't come as a big surprise. If you are an easily-offended believer, you may want to skip this one, but the rest of you should definitely check it out.

Even if a few moments are just a little too pat for its own good, and the ending is a little weak compared to what came before it, the ride to get there was so much fun, I still recommend it highly.

Thoughts?
--J/Metro

Top Five on Netflix Instant Watch

Heya, Hipsters!

I was browsing the current offerings from Netflix's Instant Watch service, and found a great bunch of films to share with you.  A couple of them may have shown up previously in similar posts, but they're just so good that they deserved to be spotlighted again.  If you're bored and looking for something to stream, then look no further.  All of these movies are Jonny tested, Jonny approved.  Click on the title to be whisked away to the Netflix page.

John Dies At The End: Promising a trip that transcends time and space, a drug called Soy Sauce is sweeping the landscape -- and quietly robbing users of their humanity. Now, it's up to a couple of slackers to stop the psychotropic invasion before it's too late.

The Cabin in the Woods: In this surprising spin on a classic horror setup, five friends arrive at a secluded cabin with clear instructions for their anticipated mountain getaway. But when the rigid rules are broken, punishment is swift -- and everyone will pay.

The Grey: After narrowly surviving a deadly plane crash in the Alaskan wilderness, a band of oil riggers must fend for their lives in the ice and snow. But thanks to wolves that view their presence as a threat, they aren't alone.

Safety Not Guaranteed: A team of journalists are dispatched to find out who's behind a classified advertisement seeking a companion for time travel, with payment on return. After tracking down their oddball prey, the team has to decide how best to approach their subject.

Compliance: Based on a true incident, this tense drama unfolds as a prank caller pretends to be a cop and convinces a restaurant manager to interrogate her teenaged employee about a supposed theft from a customer -- a situation that soon spins out of control.

--J/Metro

Movie Review: Stripped (2012)

Written by Andrew Caldwell
Directed by J.M.R. Luna

Luke...Josh Cole
Cameron...Carson Aune
Tommy K...Alvaro Orlando
Capri...Nicole Sienna

Four friends head to Las Vegas for a balls-out birthday weekend, which includes booze, drugs, gambling, and of course a prerequisite visit to a whore house. For a hefty price, they can not only get their rocks off but also their organs out--ripped out of their bodies, that is. Ye Olde Cat House is actually a front for a black market organ harvesting ring, and these partygoers are next on the operating table.

The characters here are your usual assortment of annoying stock douchebags, who only get more annoying the drunker they get. Birthday boy Graham (I swear his name is Graham, though there is no character named Graham listed at the IMDB page) is the burned out stoner; his brother Luke is the sensitive, lovelorn type (who looks a lot like Adam Levine, in my opinion); Tommy K. is the pretty boy player who refers to himself almost solely as Tommy K; and Cameron is the spoiled rich kid who records all of the debauchery on tape.

Yep, this is a found footage film--at least, mostly. The first two-thirds of the film is comprised solely of Cameron's camera, but the final third of the movie introduces quick shots of grainy surveillance footage before taking a sudden left-turn into conventional cinema. This shift in cinematography was an odd choice, but at least it spared us from having to ask "Why are they still filming everything!?" Then it shifts again to show alternate footage of scenes we've already been through as well as new ones, taken from another camera. Stripped deviates from the norm in this respect, and even when it doesn't work, at least it's offering up something different.

As with most films of this ilk, there's a lot of on-camera bickering and episodic acts of randomness before the story gets moving--what passes as character development. This would be fine if the characters weren't so annoying, but in this instance, the less time I spend with them the better.

Basically this felt as if one of the Hostel flicks had been a segment in V/H/S, so how you feel about those films will probably determine how you feel about this one. I was entertained even when annoyed, but not to the point where I will probably watch it again.

Special thanks to Inception Media Group for the screener!

2012
Rated R
80 Minutes
Color
English
United States

--J/Metro

Book Review: Firebug by Robert Bloch

Firebug

By Robert Bloch

"My name is Philip Dempster; I'm sleeping."

The journalist in American genre fiction is a convenient substitute for the police officer. As a protagonist, he can find himself investigating crimes and being put in dangerous situations, and as it is his job to do so, the reader finds it believable. In many ways, the fictional journalist is something akin to a more-modern private eye: he's involved in the case for his job, he operates more on instinct than training, and he doesn't go to the authorities at the first sign of trouble because he wants to wrap things up for himself.

So it's not surprising that Robert Bloch's novel Firebug reads so much like pulpy detective fiction. Blocked writer Philip Dempster accepts a job with the local paper to make ends meet, investigating a number of cults that have begun to pop up in recent years. However, while on the story, seemingly every cult-related locale he visits is burned to the ground shortly afterwards.

Dempster is, understandably, the prime suspect in the arson investigation, but he couldn't have done it. Or could he? He does drink too much to escape a past that he can't bear to face, and blacks out on occasion...

Dempster is surrounded by a colorful supporting cast of fanatics, charlatans and true believers, and it seems that Bloch had done his homework in regards to both cults and pyromania. The psychology behind both subjects is brushed upon in his usual clipped, purple prose, and although he is obviously only an armchair psychologist, there does seem to be some truth behind what he says.

It's not a horror story by any means, and it's not the least bit terrifying no matter what the cover blurbs will have you believe, but it was, for the most part, an enjoyable little crime thriller. It did run out of steam towards the end, but it wrapped up rather nicely despite it all. It's probably not one I will ever revisit, but it's worth the day or two investment that it would take to make your way through.

"My name is Philip Dempster; my dreams are horrible."

--J/Metro

Graphic Novel Review: The Trip (Action Lab: Danger Zone Comics)

The Trip

Written by Jesse Grillo
Illustrated by David Brame
Colors by Heather Breckel

A group of college students looking for a good time while on a getaway dose themselves with demon weed, a bitter root ingested by Native Americans in coming-of-age ceremonies. The hallucinations they each experience are based on their deepest fears, and if they can't bring themselves to face them, they die a violent and real-life death. Kind of like A Nightmare on Psilocybin Street.

Most of the characters are stock horror tropes--jocks, sluts, burnouts and assholes--and serve mostly as slaughter fodder. Our heroine here is Karen, a cute goth chick with a dark past whose hallucinatory nightmare is her abusive father...who just so happens to also be coming for her in real life. Facing her fear is going to be a lesson with definite real-life applications.

This could easily be turned into a low-budget indie horror flick, which would be passable but easily forgotten. Truth be told, the graphic novel might suffer the same fate. The characters and situations are all fairly standard, and the plotting feels rushed. The real star of the show here, though, is the artwork.

The art is cartoonish, sketchy, and slightly exaggerated. It works decently enough for the scenes that are actually happening, but truly excels when depicting the hallucinations. These scenes are all impossible angles, vibrant colors and twisted depictions that are simultaneously frightening and gorgeous--what I imagine dating a stripper would be like.

So The Trip is like a stripper. Fun to look at, but you don't really care about her story.

Special thanks to ACTION LAB COMICS for the review copy!

--J/Metro

Etsy Alert: Original Horror Posters by Trevor Dunt

Some of you have probably seen these fantastic original movie posters by artist Trevor Dunt, but did you know that you can purchase them to decorate your spooky abode with?  He's got a number of different ones available on his Etsy store, all of them very affordable at $25 each or two for $40.  Check them all out, but below are five of my favorites.

This House of the Devil poster looks genuine vintage, much like the film it represents.  Complete with folds, tears and masking tape.  Click HERE to purchase.

This poster for A Nightmare on Elm Street seems to simultaneously represent the hand of the victim (scraping down the wall during the throws of death) and the victor (the claws of Freddy Kruger).  Click HERE to purchase.

This Hellraiser poster "unfolds" the infamous puzzle box as if it were made of paper, turning it into an inverted cross against a pitch black background.  It totally suits the series.  Click HERE to purchase.

This startling Nosferatu poster is comprised solely of black and white (much like the film), and the vampire's shadow stretches out to epic proportions, hearkening back to the movie's expressionistic roots.  The white shape also suggests a pair of fangs.  Fan-freakin'-tastic.  Click HERE to purchase.

I haven't seen Lords of Satan, so I can't say anything about the film itself, but the image above is an awesome representation of the dichotomy between angelic and satanic.  Click HERE to purchase.

Visit Trevor's WEBSITE and his ESTY STORE for more fantastic images!

--J/Metro

Movie Review: Mama (2013)

Mama

Written by Neil Cross, Andrés Muschietti, & Barbara Muschietti
Directed by Andrés Muschietti
Produced by Guillermo del Toro

Lucas...Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
Annabel...Jessica Chastain
Victoria...Megan Charpentier
Lily..Isabelle Nélisse

Five years after the disappearance of young Victoria and Lily Desange, the persistence of their uncle Lucas pays off. The girls are found alive, living in a cabin in the wilderness. After so long without human contact, they have reverted to an almost feral state. Filthy, frightened and animalistic, they are remanded into the custody of Lucas and his girlfriend Annabel, so long as the girls remain in the care of psychologist Dr. Dreyfuss.

How do two children survive alone in the woods for half a decade? They don't. They had been adopted by a ghostly woman known as Mama, and although they are back in the hands of their real family, Mama doesn't want to give them up so easily.

Before this film came out, it already had its fair share of supporters and detractors. It was only rated PG-13, so it wasn't going to be a balls-to-the-wall frightfest, but it did have a certain pedigree with Guillermo del Toro's name attached. Still, PG-13 ghost stories can be occasionally effective (i.e., Poltergeist), and del Toro can be occasionally ineffective (i.e., Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, which I actually enjoyed more than a lot of people did), even though his work is visually striking. So what is the final verdict?

I found it to be a pretty damn solid ghost story, even if it doesn't bring much of anything new to the table. Its strength is owed mostly to the creepy performances of young stars Megan Charpentier (Victoria) and Isabelle Nélisse (Lily). Whereas Victoria was old enough to remember her former life, and thus was able to regain some civility, Lily had nothing but wilderness in her memory, and retained her animal nature throughout. Seeing her prowl around on all fours with the speed of a wildcat, eating moths and hair and whatever gets too close to her mouth, was unnerving to say the least.

Mama herself was spooky, too...when she remained mostly offstage, offering up only glimmers and glances. But her spook quotient took a real downturn when she took center stage as a heavily-rendered CGI creation, broken and mangled with her hair fanning out around her like a Japanese ghost girl in zero gravity. She may have been good for a quick jump scare, but the only long lasting impression she offered was one of disappointment. This desire to show us too much of the monster is the weakest aspect of the film.  Mama the movie looks fantastic, even though Mama the character leaves something to be desired.

Final verdict:  Definitely watchable and easily palatable.  I just hope you don't mind the haunting being done by what basically amounts to a silly cartoon.

Special thanks to Universal for the screener!

2013
Rated PG-13
100 Minutes
Color
English
Spain/Canada

"Victoria!  Come!  Mama!"
--J/Metro

Movie Review: John Dies At The End (2012)

John Dies At The End

Written & Directed by Don Coscarelli
Based on the novel by David Wong

David Wong...Chase Williamson
John Diesattheend...Rob Mayes
Arnie...Paul Giamatti

When David Wong gets a panicked phone call from his buddy John in the middle of the night, he goes to investigate. He finds John tripping balls on some hallucinatory black goo, and accidentally gets a dose of that shit, too. Suddenly the unreal becomes quite real, space and time can be bent in unimaginable ways, and unspeakable creatures from beyond the veil are creeping into our world and looking to take over. Only David, John and a ragtag group of associates can possibly put a stop to it, because you don't choose the soy sauce...the soy sauce chooses you.

It's a fun and exciting movie, with a nearly endless supply of trippy visuals. The budget was small, but put to fantastic use.  There's always something mind-blowing to be found onscreen.  If you crossed a random episode of TV's Supernatural with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, then John Dies at the End very well could be the result.

I haven't read the book, but after seeing the movie, I definitely plan to. The plot here moved along at almost too-brisk of a pace, especially at the end, and it seemed a little rushed at times.  There were also a lot of loose ends and things left unexplained--though maybe that was by design, I can't say for sure.  Regardless, I'm hoping that the book manages to slow things down a bit and flesh things out. There's a lot more to this world than we were given the opportunity to see.

Despite the shortcomings, John Dies at the End was a blast to watch, and I have feeling that I'll be returning to it time and time again.  Well worth a purchase, hipsters. But if you view it under the influence of shrooms, I can not be held liable for the damage done to your mind.

But I sure as hell want to hear about it later.

Special thanks to Magnolia Home Entertainment for the screener!

2012
Rated R
99 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"I believe in demons and worms, and vile shit in the grease trap of the universe."
--J/Metro

Goodies in the Mail!

M A M A

Blu-Ray + DVD + Digital Copy + UltraViolet

Thanks, Universal!

...Review coming soon...

Hemlock Grove Premieres Today!

The Netflix-only horror series Hemlock Grove premieres today.  Much to the delight of binge-viewers everywhere, all 13 episodes will be available simultaneously.

In the shadows of a rusted Pennsylvania steel town, the mangled body of a teenage girl is discovered. As they hunt for a monster among them, rumors mount and many of the eccentric residents become suspects, from the newly arrived gypsy family to the wealthy Godfrey clan. In the twisted world of Hemlock Grove, everyone hides a dark secret. From director Eli Roth (“Hostel”) comes a chilling supernatural series based on Brian McGreevy’s novel.

I'm planning on sitting down for a good chunk of these episodes on my next day off.  I'm looking forward to plopping ass on the couch and getting lost for the day.

Hemlock Grove Netflix Page

--J/Metro

Cult: Another One Bites the Dust

The CW series Cult has been canceled after the first seven episodes received dismal ratings.  If you're not familiar with the plotline, I can't say that I blame you.  I've seen all seven episodes, and I'm still a little unclear.

The series followed Jeff, a reporter, whose younger troubled brother Nate goes missing after developing an obsession with the CW television series Cult.  Jeff and Skye, a research assistant on the show-within-a-show, investigate Nate's disappearance together, learning along the way that the cult-like following that Cult has is actually a genuine cult...or something like that.

I have a tendency to enjoy things that swing toward the meta, and this series had that in spades.  I also enjoy the work of Robert Knepper, who portrays menacing much more convincingly than he really should be able to.  I'm not quite sure what I thought of Cult, though.  It was one of those series that thrived on unanswered questions, and after investing seven hours into the show, things were just beginning to make some semblance of sense.  And just as a few questions were being answered, the network pulled the plug.

I can't fault the CW for canceling the show.  They gave it a much longer go than nearly any other network would.  However I do find it disappointing that they won't be airing the final six episodes, which would give viewers some amount of closure.  The fact that they will be replacing it with reruns of The Carrie Diaries and Oh, Sit (the extreme musical chairs game show) is sad.  Just sad.

Hopefully the unaired episodes will still make their way onto Hulu+, which is where I do most of my TV watching, since I'm always working during prime time.

Maybe that's why the show got cancelled...
--J/Metro

Book Review: Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris

Hannibal Rising

By Thomas Harris

*SPOILER ALERT*

Author Thomas Harris ends his Hannibal Lecter series by taking us back to the beginning. The results are perhaps less than stellar, but not terrible by any means.

Lecter is a young man for the vast majority of this novel, studying medicine by day and seeking revenge against the war criminals that murdered and ate his baby sister when he was just a young buck. Through it all, he attempts to stay ahead of an intrepid police investigator and stay in the good graces of his Japanese aunt/adoptive stepmother/love interest.

The novel starts off very rough, with sketchy and fragmented scenes that are over before you realize they've even begun. It is later discovered that this is because Hannibal's memories of these events are fragmented, and they are fleshed out in more satisfying detail a bit later. Getting through the opening chapters was difficult, though, and took more than one sitting.

Were this a standalone novel of Post-WWII revenge, it would have been a much better work, but as an entry in the Hannibal Lecter series, it just seems rushed and inconsistent. Of course, if it wasn't an entry in the Hannibal Lecter series, most people wouldn't have read it.

We witness Hannibal's introduction to his "memory palace", which is supposed to be a big deal, I guess, but I find the whole concept to be nonsense, anyway. We witness the full events hinted at in Hannibal, where baby Mischa is hauled away by hungry soldiers. We witness Hannibal's first murder, and his first consumption of human flesh.

We witness a lot of things here, but the pieces still don't add up to a conclusive whole. Vengeance is a credible motivation for itself, but I find it difficult to believe that it would be a terrifying serial killer and cannibal's origin--I mean, killing the men who ate your sister is one thing, but that still doesn't explain how that evolves into killing an orchestra musician because he simply wasn't good at his job. It's not as if his reign of vengeance simply drove him mad--despite his being institutionalized, Lecter never came across as insane. That's what makes him such a frightening character. He is in full control of himself and his faculties in any given situation.

I found it odd that never once was Hannibal's extra finger mentioned here, just as it was never mentioned in Red Dragon. It's almost as if it spontaneously sprouted at some point between Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs. It also seemed strange that Lecter's first love, the beautiful and ageless Lady Murasaki, had never been mentioned in any of the other books. She was responsible for much of his development, and his appreciation of the finer things, but she was never even hinted at before.

It's an unsatisfying beginning to a saga, and an unsatisfying ending to a series. My advice is to cross out every mention of Hannibal Lecter, replace it with another name--say, Portnoy Goldberg--and judge it by its own merits...whatever they may be.

--J/Metro

Book Review: Dresden Files #2 - Fool Moon by Jim Butcher

The Dresden Files #2: Fool Moon

By Jim Butcher

Professional wizard Harry Dresden steps in it again, as he is called in by his old pal Detective Murphy to assist in her investigation of a string of brutal murders. This time around, it's not a rogue warlock behind the slayings, but rather a werewolf of some sort--and over the course of the book, we realize that there is definitely more than one sort to speak of.

All the while, his life is in danger. Werewolf bikers, feral lycanthropes, gentlemen gangsters, the FBI and Chicago PD...Dresden finds himself hunted and pursued by all of them and then some, and even his trusty magic has limits to what it can do.

This second entry in the series had some positives, but it had twice as many negatives for me. The werewolf angle was a good one, and Dresden's interactions with the different factions of them was pretty interesting. Many of the best characters returned, including Bob the Skull, and many more were introduced. Most of these newbies don't seem all that well fleshed-out, though, and only Tera the ladywolf really stands out at all.

What was most disappointing for me was the sheer repetitiveness, which is a rather sad thing for a series that is only two books in. At the beginning of the story, there were a number of informative callbacks that rehashed elements of this world that we already knew from Storm Front, but those I could tolerate. Not everybody would be reading these books rapid fire, and they might require refresher course between installments.

What was more difficult to stomach, though, were the plot elements that were recycled from the previous entry. Once again, Dresden is called in by Murphy to investigate a murder. Once again, Murphy begins to suspect Dresden is guilty of the very crime they are investigating. Once again, Dresden is wrongfully pursued by the law. And Once again, gangster Marcone is wrapped up in the whole mess. It was as if Butcher took the plot outline for Storm Front, and just crossed out every instance of "evil wizard" and replaced it with "werewolf".

It was a decent enough page-turner, and I probably would have enjoyed it much more if I hadn't seemingly read it already.

--J/Metro

Movie Review: Crush (2013)

Crush

Written by Sonny Mallhi
Directed by Malik Bader

Scott...Lucas Till
Bess...Crystal Reed
Jules...Sarah Bolger

Occasionally I enjoy a good teen scream film, if only to see what they're doing these days within the confines of a PG-13 fright flick. Well, as it turns out, they're doing the exact same things they were doing 20 years ago, only with Facebook updates and iPhones.

Bland high school soccer star Scott blows out his knee, putting his future in jeopardy. There doesn't seem to be any shortage of beautiful women willing to play nursemaid to him, though, as every time he turns a corner, some new babe is throwing herself at his feet. The latest among them is shy and awkward Bess, a pretty-but-pretty-weird oddball.

In short order, all of Scott's friends, rivals and romantic interests meet dark and deadly ends. Blah, blah, blah.

It's a very by-the-numbers thriller whose only saving grace may be the twist ending--though even if you don't see it coming, you probably won't find it all that shocking, either. Everything is pretty tame, being as this is PG-13, and the stalker moves with a preternatural, ninja-like stealth, making the whole affair seem like a slasherless slasher film.

No bite and no fright, but the same can probably be said for a lot of the movies that I watched as a youngster, too. Like Alicia Silverstone's The Crush, which has more in common with this film than just the title.

Not worth the effort, hipsters.

Special thanks to Millennium Entertainment for supplying the screener!

2013
PG-13
95 minutes
Color
English
United States

"Penny for your thoughts?"
--J/Metro

Movie Review: Die Screaming, Marianne (1971)

Die Screaming, Marianne

Written by Murray Smith
Directed by Pete Walker

Marianne "Hips" McDonald...Susan George
Eli...Barry Evans
Sebastian...Christopher Sandford

Young busty and lusty gogo dancer Marianne is poised to inherit a large sum of scratch on her 21st birthday...which is why her (incestful) family members are trying to kill her. She flees from her pursuers, hitches a ride with modish fop Sebastian, goes to marry him two weeks later, and, due to some clerical "error", winds up married to his best friend Eli instead. Whoops! She breaks up with Sebastian, beds down with Eli, and tries to live a peaceful life...until her money-grubbing family members come looking for her.

This is an odd little thriller in that it is very scarcely thrilling. There's a lot of jibber-jabber, and a lot of pretty things to look at, but not much in the way of action, excitement or suspense. It's a big old case of style over substance, and how you feel about that will greatly affect how you feel about this film.

The score is a groovy blend of synth, sitar, chanteuse and 'seventies funk, and the camera work varies between standard and art house. There is a lot of soft focus, wonky angles, split-screen, and some crazy dissolves between scenes. The opening credit sequence, the only time we get to see Marianna gogo'ing, was one of the greatest things I have ever seen, sexy and sensual enough to rival anything with the name James Bond attached to it.

 

 

Unfortunately, the rest of the film just couldn't live up to the hype. I was bored and uncaring most of the time, but continued watching if for no other reason than the fact that Susan George--the immodest goddess of mod--continued to prance around in various stages of undress. If you've seen her in Straw Dogs or The House Where Evil Dwells, you know that's nothing to sneeze at.

Behold:

 

 

 

It's not going to knock your socks off, but if you're a fan of George, it could get your rocks off. All others need not apply.

1971
Rated R
99 minutes
Color
English
UK

--J/Metro

Book Review: Hannibal by Thomas Harris

Hannibal

By Thomas Harris

The last time we saw Clarice Starling, she was a naïve but promising rising star in the FBI. But now, seven years later, she is stalled in her career path as controversy and Bureau politics have seen her passed over for promotion and proper assignment time and time again.

The last time we saw Hannibal Lecter, he had escaped from imprisonment and was on the lam. On that front, not much has changed except that he traded the landscape of America for that of historic Italy.

The FBI continues their pursuit of Lecter, but they are not the only one. The partially-paralyzed, fully-disfigured Mason Verger--one of Lecter's early victims, and the only one to survive his attack--is funding a massive, global manhunt for the gentleman cannibal, seeking not justice but revenge.

Verger's bounty is large enough that there are plenty of people willing to give into the temptation of breaking the law to collect it, including disgraced Italian detective Rinaldo Pazzi. It briefly seems as if Pazzi (a character torn straight from the script of some forgotten giallo) will be the primary protagonist this time around, just as the focus shifted from Will Graham to Clarice Starling in the last novel, but this is not the case. He is just another member of a large cast whose influence is instrumental in landing Lecter in Verger's hands.

Starling, treated like a sacrificial lamb by the Feds, still has an innate sense of justice and honor, and she's not going to let a simple thing like being taken off the case prevent her from tracking Lecter down.

I have conflicted feelings about this novel when viewed in relation to its two predecessors. Taken on its own, it is a glorious and entertaining exercise in excess--an excess of the tasteful (much time is spent discussing fine music, art, and cuisine) and the distasteful (man-eating pigs, disembowelings, a twisted dinner scene that crosses Leatherface with...some fancy French restaurant that I'm not even capable of referencing) alike. It seemed as if Harris was throwing everything that he could think of into the mix, not caring what sunk and what rose to the top, a not-so-delicate blending of oil and water. That's something I can get behind.

But when taken as a part of the series, that's when things get a bit murky. The characters here have seemingly little connection to the people they were before. Jack Crawford, once a fatherly hero to Starling, is now ineffectual and defeated. Starling herself seems like a shell of the person she once was, acting in ways that I can't imagine she actually would--especially in the finale, which is so outlandish that it was drastically altered for the film adaptation.

Lecter had always been a bit of an enigma, with only minor glimpses into his character. Here, though, he steps out from the sidelines and takes center stage. What backstory we do get is heinous and tragic, but understanding the monster doesn't serve to make him more frightening. This is the novel that turned Lecter into less of a villain and more of an anti-hero, which is something that doesn't bother me but is not everyone's cup of tea.

Hannibal is a story that didn't have to be written, that much is certain. It was probably more of a cash grab than an attempt at any sort of art, but you give the masses what they want and they come hungrily to the slaughter just like Mason Verger's piggies.

One more visit to the trough for Hannibal Rising, and then this franchise is finis.

--J/Metro

Book Review: Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

Silence of the Lambs

By Thomas Harris

Published seven years after Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs brings us a new protagonist in the form of Clarice Starling, a cadet in the FBI Academy. She is dispatched by lead profiler Jack Crawford (returning from the previous novel) to ask Hannibal Lecter to fill out a questionnaire that will aid in future profiling--though there may be deeper motivations.

During the interview process, Lecter lets loose a few clues about Buffalo Bill, the serial killer currently kidnapping, killing and imprisoning women. Clarice, though not a full fledged agent, is placed on the case and put in charge of following up on the tips that Lecter gives...though he offers nothing without a price.

The investigation steps up when the daughter of a United States Senator is kidnapped, and the FBI have to find her alive or else catch all kinds of holy hell.

Clarice Starling is something of the antithesis of Will Graham, our hero from Red Dragon. Whereas Graham was experienced and jaded, his whole life shattered by the evil he has seen, Starling is young and naive in many ways, still in training, looking to make a name for herself in the Bureau. Graham already had that name, and he was trying desperately to run from it.

Graham does not appear in this book at all, though he is mentioned on more than one occasion. You get the feeling that things were not all roses and rainbows after the finale of Red Dragon.

Buffalo Bill is a truly sick and disturbing individual, certainly inspired in part by Ed Gein (who also inspired Leatherface and Norman Bates, among others). His portrayal as a sexually confused crossdresser making a lady suit out of human skins is probably, especially these days, offensive to certain organizations and orientations. It's easy to understand at first glance, but at the same time Harris isn't trying to make Buffalo Bill a spokesman for any cause, or saying that he represents the normalcy of any community or lifestyle. He is an aberration, and those exist in all walks of life. The Red Dragon was a straight male, but a horrible and murderous example of one. Buffalo Bill is the same.

Hannibal Lecter is a much more prevalent character this time around, which is a definite plus.

Harris's writing style has evolved a bit at this point, occasionally wandering toward the more poetic. He also seems to rely on coincidence a bit too often here, which although surely happens in real life, used too much it can strain believability a bit. There were a few discrepancies between Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, too, such as the name of the hospital Lecter is kept in, and the fact that he suddenly has six fingers on one hand (something never mentioned in Red Dragon, if I'm not mistaken).

I did find that I enjoyed Red Dragon significantly more than Silence of the Lambs (probably not the popular opinion), although I was still thoroughly entertained throughout the book. There are elements present here that were not seen in the film version, so don't let familiarity with the story keep you from reading the source material.

Definitely recommended, hipsters!
--J/Metro

Movie Review: Sketch Artist (1992)

The Sketch Artist

Written by Michael Angeli
Directed by Phedon Papamichael

Jack Whitfield...Jeff Fahey
Rayann Whitfield...Sean Young
Daisy...Drew Barrymore

Police artist Jack Whitfield sketches an image of a murder suspect based on the eye witness account of messenger girl Daisy. When the composite is complete, Jack discovers that it is the spitting image of his wife. Doctoring the image a bit to protect her, and using his position to hamper the investigation, Jack seeks out the truth, finding himself in much deeper trouble than he ever anticipated.

It is a rather slow-paced, and not terribly interesting movie. Thrillers like these were pretty standard on cable back in the day, and nearly all of them threw in a couple of moderately-famous faces and a couple of moderately-steamy sex scenes for good measure. They all followed the rules of the genre and made no attempt to defy convention. They were, essentially, a dime-a-dozen. The Sketch Artist is certainly no exception.

I have to admit, the main reason I sat down to watch this was because it featured Drew Barrymore during her sultry, kinda slutty younger years (this premiered only a month after the release of Poison Ivy)...so it was kind of a disappointment that her role was as small as it was. There were a few scenes of frankly uncomfortable-looking sex, but she was a part of none of them. Jeff Fahey, though, who was in his bad attitude, mullet-headed years does get in on the action, though, exposing his sweater-like torso and bare bottom for anyone whose proclivities run in that direction.

1992
Rated R
88 Minutes
Color
English
United States

"Give me some fucking change!"
--J/Metro

Kindle Alert: 'The Howling Trilogy' On The Cheap

Heya hipsters!

Just a quick heads up for the Kindle Kollectors that the omnibus edition of The Howling trilogy by Gary Brandner--the basis for the the film series of the same name--is on sale for a limited time at Amazon's Kindle store.  You get all three books for only 99 cents.  That's only 33 cents a book, versus the $30 it would cost you to get all three in physical form!  I purchased mine already, and will get to it in time, so be on the lookout for my reviews, coming...eventually.

Click HERE to purchase or for more information.

--J/Metro

Book Review: Red Dragon by Thomas Harris

Red Dragon

By Thomas Harris

It has been 31 years since Thomas Harris introduced us to the character of Hannibal Lecter in the novel Red Dragon. 31 years. I am only a few short years older than this book.

It's amazing how well it holds up. Time has been kinder to Red Dragon than it has been to me.

For the uninitiated: Will Graham is a retired FBI profiler called back into the fold to assist in capturing the Tooth Fairy, a brutal serial killer with an oral fixation who targets families. The Tooth Fairy operates with the phases of the moon, so Graham and the FBI have a limited amount of time to find him before he kills again.

Hoping to gather some insight into such a deranged mind, Graham stoops to interviewing Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter, the brilliant and elegant serial killer that he had captured--and nearly been killed by--years before. The Tooth Fairy has a similar idea and strikes up a correspondence with Lecter, one that the FBI believes they can exploit to aid in their investigation.

Funny thing about depraved psychopaths: they don't like to be exploited.

I was, of course, familiar with the story from exposure to the 1986 film Manhunter and 2002's Red Dragon, so when I finally sat down to read the book, I was afraid that I would be too familiar with it. That knowing the story would prevent me from being as interested in it as I would have been otherwise.

My fears were unjustified. I was reeled in immediately, and plowed through this novel in two marathon sessions. I probably would have done it in one, but real jobs have a terrible way of messing everything up. From page one, I was hooked. Harris writes clearly and succinctly, giving equal measure to the interior world of his characters and the outside world that they walk through.

Graham is a damaged character, scarred both physically and emotionally by his constant exposure to evil. The trope of Retired Agent With An Almost Supernatural Ability To Connect With The Killer is seen often these days (most recently Kevin Bacon's character in TV's The Following), but rarely is it done with as much intimate characterization or sensitivity as it is done here.

Hannibal Lecter is such an iconic character that very little needs to be said of him. He's got the mind of a super-villain, and the cool and calm demeanor of an old spiritualist. He's powerful and unflappable, even when behind bars. His role here is pretty small, but it was enough to make a lasting impression, and he would return for three more entries in the franchise.

The Tooth Fairy (or The Great Red Dragon, take your pick) is a conflicted soul who has grown tired of the abuse and disrespect heaped upon him and is looking to become something more, trying to reinvent himself as a mythical beast connected to the arcane mind of William Blake. He is intimidating and frightening in a way completely opposite of Hannibal Lecter. Lecter will outwit you, outlast you, and then eat you. The Dragon will hunt you, overpower you, chew you up and then spit you out. But both end results are the same.

Despite the fact that this takes place in 1980, it is almost timeless. If not for a few noticeable details, it very well could take place today. Nobody has a cellphone, of course--a detail you don't even think about until later--and the home movies of the victims (which play such a large part in the story) are shot on film, requiring they be sent off for development and viewed on a projector. But beyond those instances, there is nothing here that shouts THE 'EIGHTIES, which is refreshing. Being explicitly dated can sometimes hamper the enjoyment.

I'm greatly looking forward to reading the rest of the series, and I'm already planning a day of event viewing where I watch the films in chronological order: Hannibal Rising, Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, and Hannibal.

And for those wondering which adaptation of this book that I enjoyed more, let's just put it this way: From start to finish of this book, I pictured Edward Norton as Graham.

Read it!
--J/Metro

Book Review: Dresden Files #1 - Storm Front by Jim Butcher

The Dresden Files #1: Storm Front

By Jim Butcher

If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood, if it's somethin' weird and it don't look good, if you're seein' things runnin' through your head, an invisible man sleepin' in your bed, who ya gonna call?

Not the Ghostbusters, silly. Look in the Yellow Pages under "Wizards", and call the only man listed.

HARRY DRESDEN--WIZARD

Lost Items Found. Paranormal Investigations.

Consulting. Advice. Reasonable Rates.

No Love Potions, Endless Purses, Parties, or Other Entertainment.

Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden is the only "openly practicing professional wizard in the country", and what that amounts to is him essentially being a hardboiled private eye who relies more on totems and spells than he does on a Saturday Night Special (though he does know when a gun is more efficient weapon to wield).

From the outset of this story, Dresden is called on to investigate two different cases: distraught wife Monica Sells hires him to investigate the disappearance of her husband; and Lieutenant Karrin Murphy, Director of Special Investigations with the Chicago PD, brings him in as a consultant on a grizzly murder case that appears to have used Black Magic.

It quickly becomes evident, though, that there are even more plotlines: there's Harry's budding romance with tabloid journalist Susan Rodriguez; a rising gang war on the streets revolving around a new drug called ThreeEye; and the White Council, a sort of magical judicial system, that wants Harry put to death. Of course, in the manner of all great coincidences found in fiction, all of these roads converge into one somewhere along the way.

Butcher here has crafted a kitchen sink kind of universe (as in, everything but the...), in that it's not just a world populated by magicians. There are also vampires, fairies (yes, fairies), demons, and talking skulls--and those are just some of the examples of characters that had actual roles in the story. There are tons of other examples merely hinted at or mentioned in passing. I'm all for extensive worlds and mythologies, but this seemed a bit extensive for a single book, and maybe would have been better spread out over a few volumes. And there are plenty of volumes to come, so I know that I haven't seen anything yet!

There was a lot of action and excitement here, but the real draw of the story is the characters and their relationships. Dresden himself is something of a grump, but a grump with a heart of gold despite the air of perpetual bad luck and gloomy doom that follows him around wherever he goes. He's a solid character and our narrator, consistently referencing events from his past and details of his world that we can only hope will be explored more in the future. Karrin Murphy is grade-A American badass, Bob the Skull (really an air spirit who inhabits said skull) is classic quirky sidekick, Mac the bartender is the prerequisite taciturn grouch, and Toot-Toot is...well, Toot-Toot is a bratty little fairy. You gotta take the good with the bad.

It was a quick and fun read, rather light in the grand scheme of things, but so what? If you can't enjoy a little escape now and again, then you're wound a little too tight for your own good. I had a good time reading it, and am looking forward to diving into the next book in the series.

"Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face."

Have truer words ever been spoken?

--J/Metro

Regarding the Bates Motel

I just caught the pilot episode of Bates Motel, and I was suitably impressed.  They show is playing the plotline slowly, while simultaneously showing us precisely what we're in for.  It seems that we're in for a bloody, soapy good time with this series, and I imagine that the shit will really start to hit the fan before the season is up--God willing it lasts that long.  My only qualm is a minor one: it seems odd to me that they brought the characters of Norma and Norman Bates into the modern age, as this is the prequel to a film that took place decades ago.  By modernizing the characters and the setting, it is, in essence, writing the source material out of canon, making it a prequel to nothing.

The only way I can see around this particular conundrum is probably blasphemous...but also a little intriguing.  Perhaps the final arc of the series could retell the entire storyline from the Psycho film.  It could be an exercise in futility (Gus Van Sant, I'm looking at you), but it could also be a genius move that opens the story up to a whole new generation.  I doubt it will happen, but you never know...

For those of you who missed it, or who don't have cable (like me), you can watch it absolutely FREE on Hulu.  You don't even need a Hulu+ account!  Hopefully they will continue to stream the new episodes, and this isn't one of those frustrating "pilot-only" deals.

It's only available until April 11th, so don't dilly-dally.  Mother says say.

Click HERE to watch.

--J/Metro

Book Review: The Vaults by Toby Ball

The Vaults

By Toby Ball

"The Vaults took up nearly half a city block. Files arranged in shelves arranged in rows; files from every case handled in the City for nearly the past century; files arranged, cross-referenced, and indexed. So complicated and arcane was the system that at any given time only one living person understood it. At this time, that person was Arthur Puskis, Archivist."

I went into this book completely blind. I must have read the synopsis at some point and purchased it from the Kindle store, but I'll be damned if I remember it. Whenever a book that looks half-decent crops up on the bargain pages, I start adding to my cart pretty willynilly.

From the title and the cover image, I figured that the story was going to take place, at least in part, within some sort of library. I pictured it as an endless sort of library, a metaphysical sort of place. Lord only knows why. But that certainly was not the case.

The Vault is a large (but not endless) warehouse (not library, metaphysical or otherwise) that houses the files of every police investigation, court case and crime that has taken place in The City during the past century or so. Arthur Puskis, the Archivist, is responsible for the organization and retrieval of these files, and through his exposure to them has become something of an expert on local crime. You have a question about a bank robbery that occurred six years ago? He'll get you the answer.

Essentially, the Vaults are a specialized analogue version of the Internet, and Puskis is Google.

Puskis is so familiar with these files that he is quick to notice a discrepancy, one that makes little sense to him. Being a bit of an anal-retentive sort (one would assume he would have to be to excel at such a job) he strikes out on an investigation to correct the discrepancy and right his files. But along the way, he falls ass-over-tea-kettle into a conspiracy involving murder, money, and government corruption.

Puskis isn't alone in this. Performing their own investigations are Ethan Poole, the hardboiled private eye; and Frings, the intrepid news reporter. Although their individual investigations rarely cross paths, they are all working toward the same goal.

This is a neo-noir type of novel that takes place in an alternate 1930s timeline within the confines of a city known only as...The City. It reminded me of a less self-aware (and less interesting) Manual of Detection.

Had Puskis been the primary protagonist here, I might have enjoyed it more. He's the best kind of hero--an unlikely one--and his mind and method were as unusual as they were strong. But too often the narrative followed Poole and Frings, two stock characters with very little to differentiate them from one another. Many, many times I grew confused regarding whose storyline I was following. Even now, thinking back, I have difficulty telling them apart.

The nature of the corruption, conspiracy and cover-up was only mildly interesting, and didn't get more exciting as the story went on. I was hoping for some grand twist that would make it all worth it, but it never really came. It's a shame, too. There was promise here. But promises are hard to keep.

It should have been a much more thrilling read, but it was written in such a way that thrills and excitement were kept to a minimum. I was bored on more than one occasion, and that's never a good way to feel while trying to be entertained.

--J/Metro